Didn't Ask to be a Hero ((Merrick))

[Finn Miles H7]

It had been a few days since Finn and Merrick's encounter with the Whomping Willow. Finn had been in the hospital wing for no more than a few hours after the incident, but Merrick was still being kept there as he healed from the broken bones and other ailments. Their brush with death had been talked about throughout the school, but most of the chatter centered on Merrick's state rather than Finn's act of saving him. For this, Finn was grateful. He didn't want the extra attention.

From the hospital bedside, Finn's eyes met Merrick's as the Slytherin looked after waking from his sleep. The instant glare of annoyance traced clearly in the lines of his forehead. "Don't worry. I haven't been here long, and I don't intend to stay long either." Finn was certain that Merrick would be even more upset to find him there, especially if he assumed Finn had been waiting for him. "Your Firebolt. It's gone." He knew that the broom meant a lot to Merrick. Then again, it wouldn't be much for Merrick to replace it. It was obvious that money wasn't an issue. Getting a new broom meant more than just money though. There was the process of breaking it in and getting used to its individual quirks. No two brooms flew exactly alike.

Finn was there for more than just the chance to tell Merrick about his broom. He wanted to make sure that the older Slytherin knew that the 'heroic' action of saving him wasn't anything more than a good deed that Finn did because it was the right thing to do. "I don't want anything in return for saving your life." Finn knew it was dumb to expect anything from Merrick in the first place, but he wanted it to be clear. "I mean, I'd prefer if we just put that behind us. I wasn't trying to be a hero. I just wasn't going to be a coward and watch you die right in front of me." Finn hoped that Merrick would understand.

[Merrick Marr]

It was a dreamless sleep…one of the rare one’s in Merrick’s case. It was nice though…resting in a way to dream of nothing but endless vast space…no stars, just a black, blank space that occupied every region of his mind, making him forget everything and everyone he knew. Why the subconscious mind decided on some occasions to just shut down completely like that was a question that no one seemed to really have an answer for, though Merrick didn’t really care if there was an answer or not. Sleep was his friend and resting like he hadn’t in years was a brilliant light to the darkness that seemed to forever loom within his mind. Here there were no judgments, no accusing stares, no witnesses to his weaknesses, but most of all here in this blank space there was no fear.

That blank state wouldn’t last for long though as his consciousness called to him and his eyes slowly opened. The world blurred momentarily before righting itself. It was nice to see something other than red…but the hospital wing hadn’t changed since the last time he woken up…except now there was a form occupying the space beside the bed. He groaned in annoyance…though not with as much malice as he would normally muster…there was still pain in his limps and body…pain that reminded him of the entire incident.

Merrick didn’t really want to listen to what Miles had to say, but it didn’t seem to thwart the 6th year from talking either. Instead he rattled on about Merrick’s broom being destroyed…he remembered that clearly and it made his heart ache. That broom had meant a lot to him…it was like he’d lost an appendage, one that had become his favorite. Sure he had the money for another one, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would never be the same…it was like a muggle’s favorite car…once it dies it can never truly be replaced.

That was another part of the day Merrick didn’t want to think about…something that, though mild as it was, still hit a sore part of him, though not nearly as sore as the fact that Miles had saved him which seemed to be his next topic of conversation. Merrick raised his hand, hiding the strain that it made on his ribs. “I don’t want to discuss this and I’m not expressing my gratitude…I could have handled it. If you had just given me a moment I wouldn’t have needed your help.” Merrick’s words were cold as he glared at the Hufflepuff. He wouldn’t admit that he was thankful for his help…he didn’t need anyone to help him and this…what had happened only showed how weak he truly had been at fighting off the willow tree. “What are you doing here anyway? Just here to tell me that you don’t want to be a hero and that my broom is destroyed? The bearer of annoying news or something? You think I care? I don’t…and you being here is just proof to everyone out there that you’re some sort of vigilante…or stalker, which I’m not entirely sure you aren’t anymore. Why don’t you just run off and play with your own broom stick eh?” Merrick was trying to be mean…actually having to work at it for once. A part of him was more grateful than he’d ever been toward someone, the other part was completely fearful of what that meant, two sides vying for power over the other and it was causing Merrick a headache from hell.

[Finn Miles H7]

Merrick's reply was quite the slap in the face. Perhaps Finn was expecting that, but part of him wished that it wasn't the way that Merrick would respond. Vigilante? Stalker? How was that even fair. So chance had allowed Finn to find Merrick in two situations where he needed some help. How did that constitute as Finn being a stalker. Normally when you helped someone, they saw you as a friend. Not Merrick, apparently. Finn opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He wasn't really sure how to respond to that anyways.

He let out a sigh. "You know what. You're right. Maybe I will just go play with my own broomstick," he said sarcastically. He wasn't sure if Merrick had meant it as a sexual innuendo, but it was clearly meant to be degrading either way. "You'd think that a kind act would at least earn the right to be treated as a person though." Finn stood, preparing to leave. He should have known better, not to even waste his time. The part of him that thought Merrick might actually be a good guy was blown right out the window in that short moment. Some things never really change.

((Sorry... it's short. But, to make it longer I would have had to take Finn out of his character. Really, that's about all he was giving me for the moment... ))

[Merrick Marr]

The look that crossed Miles face was one that Merrick would probably never forget…why he wasn’t sure…it just looked…too devastating for him to ignore. Normally he’d have just let him walk out…not even care if he ever saw him again…but some part, some new part in him didn’t want that to happen. It was hard to hide…and he wanted it to hide. There was too much now to ignore. Miles had saved his life…rescued him twice now, well basically. That was something that would always drive Merrick crazy…he wasn’t used to having to rely on others, in fact he hated it. He didn’t even rely on his parents, not in the least, he was as independent as they came and that’s probably one of the reasons he was showing such animosity toward Miles in those moments. He’d needed rescuing…and that was a far sharper embarrassment than it would be to be nude in front of the whole school.

Miles defeat showed across his face and when his back turned Merrick groaned and winced in more annoyance, but not at Miles directly, at himself for finding the weakness in himself to actually stop him from going. “Okay…fine, thank you…” Merrick muttered, his teeth clenching together at the words before he took a deep ragged breath. “Thank you for….yeah.” It was probably the first real emotion Merrick had shown other than anger. Of course he was still angry, but that was mainly because for some reason…somehow this 6th year had made some sort of impact on him…he felt bad for the way he was treating him and that was a frightening thought in itself.

Why did he feel he had to be different around Miles? Why did he find his company so comforting? Maybe it was because of all his friends and enemies, Miles was the only one that had truly come to visit him. Kailyn had of course, but she was still angry with him…she probably would be for awhile and there was only so much more of that nagging voice he could take. So really Miles was the first one to show up because he…because he what? Felt bad for accepting the challenge that eventually led to Merrick’s current state? Or was he there because he was reassuring Merrick that he wouldn’t go blabbing around the school about saving his ass. Some things just didn’t seem to be real…and those things were more than confusing.

Course, rough hand ran over Merrick’s face. He took a deep breath and exhaled before he sighed. “Look…I…I know you don’t want me to owe you anything…but what’s done is done. I owe you my life, whether or not I want to believe I do and I always repay my debts,” Merrick said in a mumbled tone. This was not his normal self…not the self he showed to anyone. This was the part that hid and finally it was being waylaid to none other than Finn Miles…a Hufflepuff 6th year that Merrick hardly knew.

[Finn Miles H7]

Or maybe they do. Maybe things do change. Finn stood frozen as Merrick uttered a thank you. Sure it may have seemed forced or even slightly painful, but it was a start. He could have easily just lay there and watch Finn leave. Instead, Finn watched his swallowed pride, the pinched look in his face. "Thanks for... thanks for thanking me." That sounded corny. Finn wanted Merrick to know though that he appreciated the thank you. Even if it was late and perhaps spawned from guilt, Finn knew it was a start. It meant something. Maybe Merrick wasn't as one-dimensional as it seemed. Finn didn't know what else to say though at that point.

"Oh... wait. Um... no." Finn shook his head at Merrick's next comment. "You don't owe me your life. Don't be dramatic." The sudden change of heart was so drastic that Finn felt the slightest tinge of whiplash. "Are you sure you don't have a head injury?" Finn was half serious and half verging on his sense of humour. "Look, all I want is to be treated like I'm not some disease that you and your Slytherin friends have to avoid." Why Finn was asking this, he didn't know. He just sensed that Merrick wasn't the same as the rest of them though, and Finn couldn't help but want to challenge Merrick to beat the stereotypes.

He stood there, not wanting the conversation to turn into some sort of inner-self intervention for Merrick. He simply wanted to try to understand why someone like Merrick could seem so mellow and understanding at one moment and so cruel and heartless in another. "Why do you care what others think so much anyways? I mean, it's obvious that the majority of the Slytherins in this school are just guarding their precious reputations. If you ask me, it's the people who live beyond the control of others' judgments that are the most free to do what they want. Those are the people who should be envied. I know I don't want to have to worry about what everyone else thinks about me. If they don't like me, that's their problem." Finn shrugged. He really didn't want to preach to Merrick. He saw a genuine guy though behind the mask.

"You know what, how about this. Instead of owing me your life, just do this one thing. You challenge me to that Quidditch match that lead you here, and so I challenge you. Tomorrow is a Hogsmeade trip. I'm planning to go with my cousin E. Ephraim Eades from Ravenclaw. You might know him. Either way, I challenge you to say no to your usual crowd. Hang out with me and E. I'll worry about Madame Pomfrey, convincing her that it'll be good for you to get out." Finn wondered if Merrick would have the courage to do it. Would he be willing to forego his reputation? He didn't know why, but Finn was very curious to see more of what was behind Merrick's mask. The small pieces that Merrick had let through were enough to make Finn curious to see what else was there.

[Merrick Marr]

Merrick was losing it…he knew it. Sitting there in that hospital bed and saying ‘thank you’ to someone that had rescued him, not once, but basically twice was not him. Merrick wasn’t the type to ever say ‘thank you’ especially to someone he didn’t think really was his equal, but there he was…it was like he was possessed by some…some sort of annoyingly good spirit. Truth was that Merrick wasn’t that nice of a guy…didn’t want to be and didn’t care to be. However, as much as Merrick wanted to be a jerk, a part of him couldn’t…especially to someone that had just saved his life. Which in itself, was something far more annoying than he wanted to admit. What he would have given to not have to deal with this situation. How many times had he done something reckless and survived to tell the tale? Too many times to count…but this time…this time something had gone wrong and he had ended up bruised, broken, and in pain. Some times karma just wasn’t enough to keep you safe.

Dramatic? No…annoyed and desperate for you to keep your mouth shut about this yes… Merrick thought to himself as he watched Miles’ face contort into confusion. He didn’t expect Miles to understand him, not many did, nor did they understand his reasoning for doing what he normally does. He was unpredictable and always would be…that’s how he ran his life, preparing for the inevitable day when he would have to sit down and lose his free will. Now…right now he was still young and able to be erratic…even if it confused the hell out of those around him. Blue eyes flash in annoyance at the comment about having a head injury. Then suddenly it wasn’t about his head anymore…it was about how he treated people...how Slytherins treated people. “You’d rather we turn our attention to you instead of ignoring you? Not many would say that Miles…especially ones that are sitting in the same room as me,” Merrick said in a low voice. His cruelty was not unknown amongst the students, but few had really seen him get into it…only tales from his cousins had ever dissuaded further investigation into his cruel ways.

The next thing out of Miles’ mouth was something that Merrick had not yet taken into account. He had never in all his days cared about what anyone thought about him, but yet…here, now…with Miles he did. He didn’t want Miles to view him like everyone else did…sure he liked to be feared, but he had never wanted to be…liked…to be thought of as a friend to someone he had not wanted to befriend in the first place. Merrick’s face went rigid, his eyes narrowing as he sat there listening to Miles go on about how he should be…how being “free” was better. Merrick had nothing to say, he was suddenly just as angry as he had been when he found Miles encroaching on his practice ground…now…now Miles was just taking advantage of him, telling him everything he wanted to because Merrick could not get up and walk away like he wanted to so badly in that moment. He didn’t need this self-reflection crap…ever.

When Miles finally subsided from his soapbox Merrick opened his mouth to speak, but that seemed to don some sort of challenge in Miles head and sure enough a moment before Merrick could get any words out he had moved on to some sort of ridiculous challenge that Merrick had a hard time not laughing at. “Miles you actually expect me to take such a challenge? You must be kidding me…I do not now…or ever care about how people view me. Therefore my need to prove myself to you with this little challenge is pointless. I won’t do it…I have no need to do it,” Merrick’s response was quick and cutting…a refreshing remembrance of who he was before he’d allowed Miles to get through his layers and it was honestly nice to be able to have that thought back in his head. He’s layers were returning, as were his defensive walls…he wasn’t about to break them down again…for anyone.

[Finn Miles H7]

Finn could have laughed at himself. How he had managed to allow the false impression of Merrick's humanness to suck him into the belief that what he was saying made sense was beyond him. He should have known. Stupid. Reaching out to someone like Merrick was pointless. Finn just needed to get it through his thick skull that he couldn't be a friend for everyone. Some people didn't want friends.

This time, he did laugh at himself. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking." He shook his head. "Look, I'm sorry I bothered you." His apology was sincere. "I'm glad you're alright. Just... next time, be more careful." Finn gave a small smirk, figuring that Merrick probably could care less. It didn't mean he had to let what Merrick though affect him either. Just like Merrick had claimed, Finn didn't care what others thought either. Clearly, his actions and response toward Merrick should have been proof of that.

"Catch you around, Marr," he said, nodding to the elder Slytherin. Something inside told Finn that Merrick would do what he could to prevent this, but part of Finn hoped that wasn't the case. Perhaps it was his stubborn will to keep trying or something else, but Finn saw the best in Merrick, even if Merrick did all that he could to keep Finn at an arm's distance. Stepping out of the flickering light of the torches that lit the hospital wing, Finn disappeared, leaving Merrick alone. Just how he probably wanted it.

[Merrick Marr]

Merrick watched the flicker of annoyance pass through Miles’s features. He hoped he was angry…hoped that he would just let him have it. For some reason Merrick wanted to push Finn Miles to end of his rope and see how the younger boy reacted to him. It seemed rather pointless though…Miles’s reactions clearly telling Merrick that he had no chance of annoying Miles to the point of an angry outburst. What was it with Hufflepuff’s that kept them from a public outburst? Gryffindor’s were easy to entice. All you had to do was mention how horrible muggles were and they were usually all over you, but Hufflepuff’s…they weren’t quick to anger, at least Merrick had yet to meet one that was, which was rather unfortunate if you asked him. The just, loyal crowd was far too annoying for him.

Merrick nodded his head…You’re right, you didn’t know what you were thinking. I’m not going to spend my time with you Miles…not you, nor your cousin. You think we’re friends, but we’re not and I have no intention of ever becoming friends with you, Merrick thought to himself as he watched Miles shake his head and basically give up. Then the apology came and Merrick couldn’t help but role his eyes. The kid now clearly pitied him and Merrick had half a mind to remind him that he shouldn’t, but Miles didn’t stick around long enough for Merrick to say much else, his figure fading into the darkness of the Hospital Wing.

Merrick grumbled to himself, unintelligent words that cursed Miles. He wasn’t in the mood to be looked after from a sixth year Hufflepuff…especially one that had saved him. This only meant that Merrick had to do a few more stunts to get his life back…to remember the internal defences that he had set up within him a long time ago, before Hogwarts. “This isn’t over yet Miles…you didn’t win the challenge…and I’ll make sure you won’t win the next one either.” With that Merrick picked up his wand and blew the torches out…the place falling into darkness.