I Forgot To Remember To Forget ((Adam))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"Okay," Dixie told herself as she ran her fingers through her hair, which was looking rather dishevelled because of how many times she had done just that, "It's now or never, now or never, Dix." She was sitting at her desk in Glassic Designs and it was time for her to head home. She hadn't done anything very productive throughout the day, because at her lunch break she had decided that today was going to be the day she would tell Adam that she was pregnant. Her mind was, therefore and understandably so, in a whirlwind of problems and the way she was going to tell him, and thus she had no ability to perform her designing to the best of her kind. Tarisa had said something, but Dixie mentioned not feeling well and told her that she would be back to her 100% usual self the next day – inside she just hoped it was true and not a lie. Now, she looked at her clock and let out a heavy sigh before pulling her purse to her, clutching it to her as if it would protect her from whatever was going to come.

"This is it," she whispered as she stood and made her way to the back staircase where she apparated from. She didn't realize that she had even done it until she found herself standing in her living room, her stomach churning over and over again as she stared at the lit hallway. Adam was already home, otherwise the lights wouldn't be on, and he was probably changing out of his robes into casual clothes. She had decided sitting him down and talking to him about it would be better than doing it over dinner, this way she wouldn't have to worry about him choking on anything. Something inside her wanted to wait awhile longer, but Dixie knew that if she waited anymore she wouldn't do it. She set her purse down on the coffee table and then headed down the hallway into the room. She pushed open the door gently and peered into the brightly lit bedroom that they had decorated only a few months ago upon moving into the cottage. "Hi," Dixie's voice was quiet but Adam easily heard her because he turned around and smiled that smile she had fallen in love with. She gave him a smile back easily and closed the gap between them, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face against his chest, willing her stomach to stop churning.

If Adam had been noticing her change in attitude lately, her depressed state of being, and the way she had been acting detached – he hadn't said anything about it. He probably knew her better than most and, therefore, wondering what she was going through but too worried to ask in case it involved him. Dixie's love for him hadn't dwindled at all, but it had been clouded by a fear that his for her might. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent as she let herself melt into his arms, wishing they could stay like this forever – no worries of anything surfacing up between them and driving a wedge there deeply. After a few more moments of stalling, Dixie pulled back and looked up into Adam's blue eyes, "We need to have a talk…" the words tumbled out of her easily, but then again she had been rehearsing that over and over again. Of course, in her head it hadn’t sounded like she wanted to separate from him. 'We need to talk' were the four most hateful words in the English language; Dixie had been a firm believer of that from the beginning. She couldn't believe she had just used them with her husband.

Dixie tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and then reached up and fixed a stray strand of Adam's before reaching down and taking his hand, leading him out into the living room. Her heart was thumping from her chest, hard and fast as she tried to remember how she had decided to say it. They were sitting on the couch now, Dixie hadn't let go of Adam's hand. She kept looking at his wedding ring and then at hers and she kept telling herself that those rings were meant to stand the test of time, and that everything would be wonderful. Love is not love which alters when alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove, it is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken, Dixie closed her eyes a moment and swallowed hard, before looking back up at Adam, "I'm pregnant." The words hung, suspended over thin air as she waited for his reply – a vacuum that sucked their breath from the air and held it captive in its grasps. Her grip grew tighter on Adam's hand and she waited, ever patient.

[Professor Adam Greene]

After arriving home from another day at Hogwarts, Adam decided he would go for a quick run. It had been too long since his last bit of proper exercise, and now that he was a husband with a full time job, he made a vow to himself not to let himself go, as many might explain the natural process of aging. Adam had never really been much of a fitness guru, nor did he frequently care to watch what foods he ate. Still, he was at the prime of his life, only eighteen years old. When he thought about it, it seemed so young; almost like he was still a child in ways. But now, he was learning to be a man. Adam still hadn't even been able to decide what kind of man he wanted to be, but he was certain that he wanted to be nothing like his father, the man who supposedly was there to raise him. Adam wanted to be nothing like James Greene, which was just one reason he decided to run today. If he could keep himself fit and healthy, that might just be one way that he could differ from his father.

Needless to say, it only took about twenty minutes of running before he felt his lungs tighten and his breathing become shorter by the second. He truly was out of practice, and he told himself that he needed to do this more often. He wasn't about to let the adult life suck away his youth until he had properly decided what kind of adult he wanted to be. He and Dixie had so much to look forward to, and at this point in their lives he just wanted things to pause. They didn't need to rush forward with anything. Just the two of them together, enjoying life- that's all he could ask for right now.

With his hands on his knees, he took a bit of a break once arriving back on the front porch of his home. A blur of movement caught his eye and he glanced to his left to see their neighbor Ross leaving his own house. Adam let out an inaudible snort of distaste as Ross waved. Feigning a smile, Adam waved back out of obligation. Something bout that man just seemed to grate at Adam's nerves. To make it even worse, Dixie seemed to find him worth their while. Adam shrugged it off as he walked into the house and went straight for the shower. Dixie should be home any minute, and he wanted to be able to greet her when she was.

He took a bit longer in the shower than normal, as the run had seemed to suck a lot of his energy from him. Paired with the long day at work, it seemed as though the hot water from the shower was too good to leave. Eventually though, he turned off the water and then found some comfortable clothes for the evening. Just as he finished getting dressed and drying his hair, the sweet voice that he grew to love sounded from behind him.

"Hi to you," he replied, taking Dixie into his arms as she came over and hugged him. These were the moments that made him feel everything was perfect in his life, and so he always tried to hold onto them as long as he could. Dixie pulled away though, quicker than he had hoped, but he smiled at her as they locked eyes. Instantly, he saw the look in her eyes though, which made him wonder what might be wrong. A quick sentence fell from her lips, and he wasn't quite sure what it meant, but something in the way she said it made him think that it couldn't possibly be good. "Uhh.... ok?" he said, letting Dixie lead him from the bedroom to the couch.

By this time, Adam's feeling of bliss had faded to a blanket of confusion which seemed to wrap around his entire body. Normally he wouldn't think too far into things, but Dixie seemed quite too nervous for him to remain without worry. He felt her hand trace along his own hand, but his eyes couldn't leave her face. There was so much confusion in her own face, the he wished he could just wipe it all away and solve whatever problem seemed to be keeping his wife. He wanted to say something, but had no clue what words to use.

It was then that Dixie spoke again, and her words echoed around Adam as he felt his jaw drop. Almost as if he wanted to reply, the sound of his breath being caught in his throat was all that came out. "No you're not," he said with a bewildered look. "Honey, you can't be pregnant," he said, taking his hand and moving a piece of her hair behind her ears. She was simply confused. She had to be. There was no way that she could be pregnant. Adam had been using the birth-control charm.

He gave her a smile of sorts before shaking his head. "You must be wrong," he said, more calmly than what any observer might have anticipated. "You have to be wrong, unless..." the thought froze in his mind. Was Dixie cheating on him? That had to be the only way that she was pregnant. Adam's hand instinctively moved from hers and his gaze moved from her face to the floor. It was Ross! Adam's mind instantly went to picturing the face of their red-headed neighbor with his hands all over Dixie. The thought sickened Adam. "I don't understand," he said, verging on the brink of laughter. This had to be some sort of sick joke.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"No, you're not…" Dixie raised her eyebrows in shock, restraining herself from opening her mouth and asking in a rather disgusted tone, "Oh? I'm not? Are you the one who has a uterus? No. I don't think so." But she didn't say anything. Instead she continued to stare at her husband in such a way that made her feel like she was trying to burn a hole through him. He kept talking about how she must have been mistaken and that she can't be pregnant, yadda yadda. She watched him as he seemed to come to the realization (somehow or another) that it was completely and utterly impossible for her to become pregnant…and then she saw the doubt and the betrayal that crossed his face and Dixie could not believe what her husband was thinking. She took her hand from his and turned away in her seat, hurt boiling under the surface of her as tears pricked at her brown eyes. She tried not to jump to conclusions, but it was evident that Adam was thinking the baby couldn't possibly be his. Why he would question it, though, was beyond Dixie. She ran her fingers through her brown hair and replied, finally, in a snappish tone; "I am fairly positive I am, Adam." She didn't mean to sound biting, or perhaps she did, but she didn't appreciate being told she was wrong when she knew she was right.

Her eyes bored into the carpeting as she tried to wrap her mind around Adam's disbelief, "Why would you think I couldn't be?" she asked, her voice not much higher than a small whisper. She lifted her gaze to him and looked into his eyes, hoping perhaps he would give her an honest answer. There were a billion four answers that he could give her, and not one of them was good. Of course, they hadn't really ever discussed the children thing – the idea of them, whether or not they were ready for them; and while Dixie had most definitely felt like she was…she knew, deep down, that Adam wasn't. It killed her inside, because she felt like all they needed to complete the perfected image they had made was a baby they could call their own, but Adam was starting a new job – she was trying to get up in the fashion industry- a baby would have been too complicated…and yet at the same time; she couldn't shake that feeling like she wanted one. On the other hand, she wouldn't have ever purposely gotten pregnant just so they could have a baby. She would have talked to Adam about it, and she would have made sure he thought they were ready, too. She knew, though, that Adam was thinking something that wasn't appealing of her – and she couldn't handle that…it broke her into pieces inside.

Dixie stood abruptly from the couch and walked over to the fireplace that was in the opposite wall. She leaned against the mantle and closed her eyes to the tears that were falling again. She had been strong enough not to cry in the first few minutes, but now she couldn't help it. While she knew that Adam probably wouldn’t have been jumping up and down and screaming for joy, she had hoped that perhaps him receiving this news would go about in a different way. Maybe he would hold her, smooth her hair, tell her everything was okay. But all she was getting from him was confusion (and how bloody confusing could that be? She was pregnant! With child!) and even a sense of betrayal. Dixie had never felt that from him, and she wasn't liking it as it was. Her shoulders shook as she rested her head on her folded arms that were resting on the mantle top. She wasn't sobbing, but she was definitely crying like she had been the past couple of days at work. After a moment, she gathered herself and stood up straight, wiping under her eyes with her thumb and then turning around to look at her husband, "Are…are you really denying the fact that I'm pregnant? I mean, it's not exactly something I'd joke about…"

[Professor Adam Greene]

"Why can't you be pregnant?" he repeated her question. Adam knew what his answer was, but he knew that telling Dixie would probably only make the situation more complicated. Still, if this wasn't a joke, he knew that he had to tell her. Keeping it a secret wouldn't help anything now. "Because I was using the birth-control charm," he said guiltily. "I know I should have told you, but I was scared, Dixie. I was scared that this would happen, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for it."

He continued to try to process the situation, and he could tell that Dixie was hurting as much as he was now. Part of him wanted to blame her, but he knew that it wouldn't be right of him. There was always the chance that the birth-control charm didn't work, and he knew that Dixie had never given him a reason to distrust her.

As she stood from the couch, he saw the sadness in her face. He sat and starred at her, wondering what to say to make it all better. There was nothing he could say, or at least nothing he could formulate in his confused mind that seemed to make any sense. "I just don't know if I am ready to be a father." he admitted. That, too, would probably hurt Dixie to hear him say. "I mean, I want to be a father someday, but now..."

Adam's mind continued flashing from images to a baby, Ross, and most importantly his wife whom he knew was hurting deeply right now. He stood, walked half way toward where Dixie was standing and then froze. He had no clue what to do, and all he could do was stand and watch his wife cry while he was frozen as he started to cry himself.

((Sorry it's a bit short. I wanted to get it done before going to work.))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie's gaze bore straight into him. She didn't feel betrayed in the least. Actually, she kind of felt stupid for not realizing that he had been using it. She wasn't on any birth control and they were far more careful than that – especially if Adam wasn't nearly as ready to be a parent as she wanted to be. Still, the idea that he had been using the charm without her knowledge did show a sense of…secrecy between the married couple and Dixie began to feel her chest constrict. "Right…" Dixie said in a slight whisper as she crossed her arms over her chest. He wasn't ready to be a parent, she could understand that – but somehow or another it had happened. Just like… "You do know that the charm is not 100% foolproof, right?" She tilted her head a little to the right as she looked at Adam, "Mack and Promise are a good example… they used the charm, too, and look where she is… 9 months pregnant." Dixie felt her stomach churn at the thought that Adam had actually been completely against having a child from the start. Or at least, for the moment he had been. She had stood now, and was standing away from him, and he was still talking. Dixie lowered her head and looked at her feet as she listened to what he was saying. He wasn't ready to be a father… now… and here it was.

Suddenly, the Slytherin side of her took control and she looked up at her husband in such a venomous way she was sure to feel guilty about it later; "Well, Adam, it's happening whether or not you're ready; whether or not I'm ready. We are having a child and in all honesty, I think it could happen in worse ways. Mack didn't even finish Hogwarts because of it, I know women who got pregnant and then their boyfriends left them." Dixie took in a deep breath and looked down at her heeled feet, swinging her stiletto pump against the wooden flooring as she tried to think of what else to say. Tears were streaming down her face, landing on the floor as well, as she tried to gain some of her composure back. She was semi-aware of Adam standing and moving toward her, but pausing – doubting himself into pulling her into his arms. That hurt along with everything else that just seemed to be happening that night. Dixie lifted her gaze and shook her head, her eyes filled with tears. "What? Am I not even touchable now? I… I didn't plan for this to happen, Adam. I didn't trick you into anything, didn't use a… a… counter charm or whatever. I didn't do anything. This just happened…things just… happen. And…well… I…" Dixie fumbled here, looking for what she was feeling exactly – knowing that it would contradict everything Adam was feeling.

Finally, she lifted her gaze and looked at her husband, swallowing hard and blinking back the tears defiantly; "I am happy it happened. Because while you aren't ready to be a father, I know you'll make a great one. And because while I have had the worst childhood I could ever imagine, I want to be a great mum and I know I can be… and…I want to be. I wouldn’t have planned for it…not with how busy everything is for the both of us – but now that it's here… I… can't think of anything else I want more. I won't deny it, I won't refuse it. It's mine, it's ours. I accept it. Do you?" The air around them was tense and there seemed to be a gap about a mile wide between the two of them. For once in their relationship since they had gotten back together, Dixie felt miles and miles and miles away from her husband; like if she were to reach out – there would be nothing for her to touch. He would always be there…just within reach but never quite reachable.

((It's okay, just glad you got one up. Sorry for the quick reply. She was yapping away. )

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie's words were so full of emotion that Adam couldn't identify which she was feeling more strongly. Was she afraid? Angry? Confused? Surely, she was feeling all of the emotions, just as he was. Something inside of him refused to show his fear or his confusion. In the end, the only emotion that seemed to be able to show itself was his anger. But who was he even angry at? Himself? Dixie? Ross? This was all just too much for him to handle, and Adam knew that he wasn't thinking straight, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. The overwhelming instinct inside of him took over and he snapped.

"You don't have to educate me on birth control, Dixie. I'm not a child, so don't treat me like one." He listened as she tried to spout off examples of how their situation could be worse. In reality, Adam was too blinded to be able to see that their situation really wasn't as bad as the shock had seemed to make it. "I don't care how bad it could be. It doesn't change the fact that this isn't something I was ready for." Dixie's words were sharp but at least they were kind. She thought he would make a good father. How could he be so selfish and brash while she looked so scared and hurt?

Dixie wanted this, he could tell. She was ready to be a mom. That fact made him more and more susceptible to the idea that she had planned this. Even if she denied it, the fear and confusion inside of Adam had allowed him to believe the false thoughts that he was having. "You may be ready, but I am not. If we are supposed to be a couple now, then I think that'd it be necessary for both of us to be ready." Adam shook his head, a dizziness washing over him. This had to all just be a bad dream. Not only was he being thrown into something he was not ready to take on, but he was starring face to face with the woman he adored while saying things that he'd not normally say. What was happening to him. What was happening to them? How in the world were they going to take care of another life if now they couldn't even get along together at the thought of it?

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie glared, never wavering. Anger was rising up inside her, a tide of it, washing her inside. She looked at her husband with disdain, disgust even. She didn't want to feel this way, but he was making her feel like she was the lowest of the low. The thing that had made her fall in love with Adam was that he didn't judge people before he got to know them, or at least he gave them second chances. Now, he was making a judgement about this and it wounded her, hurt her to the very core. Angry tears blurred her vision and she uncrossed her arms as she spoke, "You could have fooled me." His childishness was astounding. She was surprised she wasn't reeling from the fact that he was acting incredibly immature. Sure, they were young – but they were married. They could get through this, if they tried; but from the sound of it Adam didn't even want to try.

Fine. Dixie wouldn't try with him then.

"Oh, please, yes I get that you aren't ready, Adam, but it's happening regardless. Life doesn't wait for you to be ready," she looked at him for a moment longer, and then she turned on her heel and walked down the hall to their room. Flipping on the light switch, Dixie entered it and pulled out her wand. Clothes started flying into a small suitcase, folding themselves neatly. Her shoes shrank themselves as they fit into the pocket. She packed her toiletries and then zipped up the suitcase and left the room. She grabbed her purse and pocketed her wand again. There she stood in the living room, facing her husband – the one person she trusted with her life, with a suitcase. If you had asked her if she could ever see this happening a couple of months back, she would have said no. She couldn't believe it was happening now.

"I'm going to stay with Rae for a little while," the words didn't come out quite as strong as she would have liked, "She's offered to help if I needed it, and it looks like I need it." Her voice broke here and more tears sprang into her eyes. Her anger was disappearing, her disappointment in the love of her life was surfacing. She brushed the tears out of her eyes, took one last look at Adam, and then apparated away from their cottage down two streets to Rae's. Rae was waiting with open arms as Dixie fell into them and cried. How could everything be okay?

[Professor Adam Greene]

Naturally, Adam's words and actions were enough to get under Dixie's skin, and he wasn't surprised when she bolted down the hall and into the bedroom. He heard things flying every which way, and within seconds, Dixie reemerged, a suitcase in her hands and a partial scowl on her face. Going to Rae's?

"It's just like you to run," he shouted after her when she passed him as she finished gathering her things. "You ran to Paris and now you run to Rae. Are you ever going to face a problem and just deal with it or are you always going to run away. Is this what happens when you get mad at me, Dixie? You run?" Adam was so out of himself that he didn't even realize how harsh he was being. The anger inside of him was boiling over and he couldn't stop his words from coming out.

"Fine. Run away. See if I care. Go to the person you ran away from last time." Dixie didn't even respond to his shouting, and soon she was gone completely. Adam grabbed a book from the nearby table and threw it at the empty space where Dixie disappeared from. It almost reminded him of the time that he smashed the figurine that Dixie had bought him for Christmas after they had only known each other for a few months. Here he was again, in a similar situation. In the few times that Adam had truly lost his temper, Dixie seemed to be directly involved. If anything, it only showed how much control over him she truly had. Despite wishing it'd all go away, Adam knew that a part of him had left just moments before when Dixie disappeared from their cottage. As much as he was angry with her or simply confused, he couldn't help but wish she'd come right back and that they could work through things.

But she didn't. Dixie didn't come back, and Adam was left to his own thoughts. The darkness of night soon surrounded him, and he sat alone on the couch for what was probably hours, visions of his life flashing before him. He thought about when he and Dixie first met. He thought about their wedding. Eventually, he even thought about what it would be like when the baby was born. The thought of being a father scared him to death.