Just Can't Move On ((Rachel))

[ciaran]

Ciaran eyed the book that sat on his bed. For the first time in his life, Ciaran had no desire to read anything. Ciaran had been confused for days now. School had only just begun and he was already wanting to go home. Normally, Ciaran was a strong person, but everything that had happened it the past week made him feel weak. Finn’s ‘accident’ had happened just a week before. Ciaran wanted to stay with his sister at St. Mungo’s, but Darby insisted that he return to school on time. Darby didn’t want Ciaran around for some odd reason. Ciaran knew that she blamed him for what happened. It was bad enough that Ciaran blamed himself, but now his mum too! Ciaran wasn’t concerned with the fact that his mum blamed him as he thought that he deserved it. Ciaran was convinced that if he had just acted a moment earlier, Finn would be able to walk. But, he hadn’t. Ciaran was sure that he would blame himself for the forever even though Finn told him not to. Finn and Ciaran hadn’t gotten a chance to talk after Darby had woken up. The only other conversation they had, consisted of Finn telling Ciaran to get on with his life. She told him she would be fine. Ciaran knew that she would be. But, he still felt like the whole thing could have been prevented.

Ciaran had tried to block out everything that Finn had told him. He was convinced that Damon’s death wasn’t her fault. If only he knew the whole story, he could show her the facts. What ever had happened had been in accident. Ciaran knew it. Still, he couldn’t seem to connect Finn’s incident with his own. Ciaran would admit that what had happened was an accident. No, he was too focused on making Finn see that what she had done wasn’t on purpose. Ciaran sighed getting up to leave his dorm. He was tired of the place, tired of sitting inside for no reason what so ever. He grabbed his Gryffindor robes from a hook on the wall and then left his dorm to go out to the grounds. Maybe there he would find some solitude. Maybe there he could stop thinking about everything that had happened, but that was unlikely.

The grounds were slightly breezy which was nice for September. Ciaran was quite ready for October which was his favorite month. He like the colors of the falling leaves and he liked the crispness of the air. Winter was too cold for him, but October was perfect. Ciaran walked down to the murky waters of the Black Lake. He remembered his first experience swimming in the waters. It had been his third year and Ciaran had only gone in because a boisterous Finn pushed him in. Cia felt like laughing remembering this, but he didn’t. No, the bad memories overwhelmed his brain. The good memories meant nothing. As he approached the lake shore, Ciaran grabbed a smooth, grey rock and began to skip them along the water. He was rather good at it actually. It was something he had taught himself to do over the years. Ciaran continued to skip rocks trying to push the bad memories out of his brain. However, that task seemed impossible.

[Rachel Cohen R6]

Rachel groaned and rolled over on her back so her legs and head were hanging over the side of her bed. She toke her hands and covered her eyes. Her friends were frustrating her. They all seemed to change this summer. Or maybe she had changed this summer, maybe they all had changed this summer, either way you looked at it, things were different. Just this morning Rachel was faced with a situation where she didn’t know how to handle herself. She had kept silent until she found the right approach. She laughed the stinging words off with a smile, with pride, and with confidence, and she was only now thinking about the changes that had been affecting their relationships. She wasn’t sure what the deal exactly was. It was only one comment or one look. The comments weren’t all at her. Some were towards her other friends, and it wasn’t all from one person. It was somewhat difficult to place her finger on this whole thing. It was stupid and childish. She didn’t want to say anything just yet. Maybe she was just imagining the tension. All Rachel knew she needed to think the situation through logically. This is how she got where she was at the moment. Lying on her bed frustrated. She rolled back over on her stomach propping herself up with her elbows. A stray hair fell in front of her face and she tried blowing it away, but it only fell back in to place in front of her blue eyes. Causing Rachel to groan in frustration once more. Things weren’t going her way and she wasn’t pleased. It was the first week something had to go right. Something had to make her feel in control. She let her eyes wander for a bit, they were drawn towards the window and she reluctantly got up, but hope was somewhere in her mind. She looked out the window and a small smile spread across her lips. It seemed nice out there. She always did love coming outside. It made her feel awake and alive. It was the fresh air, and the change of scenery. Those were defiantly the things she needed at the moment. Caught in the moment she rushed for the door and tripped over her own feet. Typical Rachel behavior. She sighed and stood up to regain her air of confidence she was normally associated with. Her eyes quickly darted to a mirror, yes she looked okay and with that she excited the dorm. Into the common room and out the door. She wasn’t sure if her friends were watching her. Yet that wasn’t on her top things to worry about. Her main focus was to find relaxation. She knew she could find it outside. She could feel it.

The crisp air hit her before she was even out of the door. Her frustration seemed to vanish instantly. It was a refreshing change from the mood she was in earlier up in her dorm. She was defiantly happier now. She loved the grounds. So many opportunities to meet new people. There were a lot of people out in the grounds that day. Rachel didn’t feel like interrupting a group who were sitting by the trees laughing. Surprisingly the lake was rather empty. She made her way down there with the window blowing around her. The chills ran down her back instantly. She hugged herself as she approached the shore. She stood there for quite a bit, looking over the lake and all its glory. She looked to her left and saw someone else. A boy that looked older than her. He seemed upset. This upset Rachel. She walked over to him softly. So she was on his right. She looked out into the lake again. “This is perhaps my favourite time of year.” She said to him softly.

[ciaran]

Ciaran continued to skip rocks along the lake water. He remember vague memories of Finn trying to skip rocks along with his, but failing misery, Of course, she would only try for a minute or two and then she would run along with her Gryffindor friends. Typical Finn. Ciaran was finding it hard to remember her like that. Why did that girl seem to be gone? Probably because she was. Ciaran was confident in the fact that things would never be exactly the same. And idiot could figure that out. Finn was paralyzed. She always would be according to the doctors. This wouldn’t be wished away. This was permanent. A part of Ciaran felt as if his sister had died. Finn felt the same way, but she wouldn’t share this with her brother. She was too scared to admit how mad she was at herself. She was too scared to admit that she was scared. That was the old Finn Douglass that Ciaran knew, but she wouldn’t tell this to Ciaran of course. Nope, Finn had pride flowing through her vains as always. Ciaran had always assumed that she had gotten it from Grandma Leane, but his mother seemed like another possibility. She too had an aura of stubbornness and pride about her. She always had.

Ciaran glanced at the person who had spoken. When did she get there? He hadn’t even notice when she walked up. Ciaran looked at the girl. He didn’t know her, well, maybe from some classes throughout the years. She wasn’t a Gryffindor that was for sure. Ciaran didn’t feel the need to ask for names, so he tried to forget about remembering her. He nodded slightly as he looked back over the lake. Fall was defiantly his favorite time of the year as well. Finn had always preferred winter. Then again, she loved to disagree with Cia. She said that she liked the way snowflakes looked on her head. Ciaran agreed, but winter was far too cold for his. His liked thinking of these memories even if it felt a bit odd. Things would never be how they once were. Couldn’t he accept this?

Ciaran looked back towards the girl. “Mine too.” He said simply, after skipping another rock along the water’s surface. “Winter’s far too cold, spring too wet, and summer is far too hot.” He paused, thinking of Finn yet again. “Fall is perfect he admitted.” Ciaran looked back to the girl again. He then took one of the flat rocks in his hand and handed it to her. Ciaran skipped another waiting for her to say something. “Skipping rocks takes my mind off things. I’m not sure it will work for you, but I figure that everyone needs to forget things every now and then.” He said for no particular reason. Then again, Ciaran wasn’t acting as noble and smart as usual. Oh well. He really didn’t care for the time being.

[Rachel Cohen R6]

Rachel bit her lip as another gust of wind blew by her playing with her hair and making her hug herself tighter. The wind was sharper than before causing her eyes to sting. She blinked the tears that began to form in the corner of her eye. She trained her glance on the water trying to hold on to the feeling of cheer and bliss that she had experienced only moments ago, but as the leaves dropped from the surrounding trees, so did her mood. Rachel was getting very tired of this emotional rollercoaster. Lately her emotions where all over the place. It was quiet unfair. Rachel was usually the girl full of excitement over small things like the first lesson or walking into the library for the first time of the year. She was so easy to entertain, just not today. The snide comment stung. Only she caught it, only she could see through the smiling exterior. Just like you could cover poison with alcohol it was still deadly, the same applied for the spiteful words, they couldn’t be changed by a mere smile. Our heroine sighed heavily again. This was hopeless to think about. She was Rachel Cohen, smart and sometimes over confident. She had a reputation to live up to. She had to stay strong. It wasn’t allowed to get to her. She had to shake it off. She wouldn’t allow herself to be lead into the unknown future unprepared. These insane thoughts continued to consume her mind and soul. She was empowered and strong and at the same time she felt broken. She needed to release these pent up emotions. She wanted to scream, to cry, and to break something, she needed to laugh. This caused Rachel to kick a stone into the dark lake with a satisfying splash. And to be perfectly honest it made her feel so much better. Not exactly the happiness she felt earlier, but it defiantly was a start.

The ripples from the stone she had kicked in finally faded away into nothing before the guy beside her replied. It was defiantly an answer on the simple side, but enough for her to tell something was on his mind. Just like her friendship problems hung over her like a dark cloud it seemed he was preoccupied with something as well. She wasn’t sure what to say. She felt like she was one to be comforting someone instead of being comforted and he seemed to need comfort. But instead he spoke again he only confirmed what she believed. They where speaking on the subject of seasons and one can only have a limited amount of opinions on the subject. For example he said winter was far to cold and she agreed even though it was on of the prettier seasons with all the white sparkling like diamonds. He said spring was too wet. She agreed to an extent, for how where all the beautiful flowers supposed to grow without rain? He told her summer was too hot, and she agreed, wait that’s not right. In her opinion summer wasn’t that hot. She wanted to bring this into the conversation, but wasn’t sure how to say it. Rachel decided the best thing to do would be to keep her mouth shut it was small talk and small talk was useless.
“Mhmm.” She murmured agreeing instead. The whole time her eyes never left the water causing her them to burn and she looked away. She turned to face him for the first time just as he spoke again.

He had handed her a stone and explained it toke his mind off things. She was proven right that something was going on in his headed, but she gladly toke the stone attempting to skip it only to make it sink. She giggled almost silently she was defiantly had at the whole ordeal. She picked a stone up from the ground and began to turn it in her hand silently for a while. “Well, I guess it didn’t work for me.” She stated smiling. “Oh, and not to be noisy be since your trying to take your mind off of something and your body language suggests its not working why don’t you try venting instead. I’m listening. Your problems will help me forget mine.” She said this as in after thought. It all came out rather quickly just as the idea popped into her mind. She smiled sheepishly.