Anger, Fear, Pain... Did I miss anything? (Fiona)

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Kennedy sat with his back against the wall that his fireplace was part of. His head was leaned back, and his focus was on the overload of thoughts that raced through his mind. His arms and legs laid limp on the ground and at his side. Every emotion possible circulated through his body. He couldn't even focus in one one long enough to make any use of it.

Surely Fiona would arrive anytime; that is, if she was willing to respond to his owl. Immediately after leaving the Blackfire manor, Kennedy got home as fast as he could and sent an urgent owl to Fiona, requesting her to Floo to his house as soon as possible. It was a weekend, so he figured she should be able to get access to a fireplace, even if it meant leaving the school or her home, sadly, he wasn't quite sure where she was.

He thought of what he would first say to her when she appeared... if she appeared. Should he start with the many accusations that lined his mind? No, that may only make things worse. He could begin by just explaining how bad he was hurt. Of course, then she might just think he was trying to put a guilt trip on her. Frankly, Kennedy had no clue what to say or even how to respond. He wanted everything to just be a joke- some sick plot that Pyro put together in knowing that Kennedy would find the letter when he was looking for the book.

It was painful to think of what might happen when Kennedy pondered the consequences of tonight's events. First, he hadn't been truthful with Fiona, in telling her that he did go to the ball with Cass. And then to find out that she had been part of this secret society the whole time without telling him... what did this all mean for their future? Even with the anger that was mixed with all of his other emotions, the last thing Kennedy wanted was his relationship with Fiona to end. Even as short as it had been so far, it was something he was finally getting used to; something that he was becoming quite attached to. Fiona was his source of happiness and meaning for the past months. He wasn't quite sure how he could fare if that meaning and love were all taken away from him. Especially under such ridiculous circumstances.

Suddenly an emerald haze filled the darkened room. Kennedy froze and closed his eyes. This was it. He had to think quick, making sure that whatever he said first what the right thing to say.

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona held the letter in her hand, Kennedy's handwriting scrawled across it. She didn't know what to make of it. The words were readable, but there was something behind them. The subtext that was hard for her to understand. Why was he sending for her at this hour? Had something happened to him? Fiona's mind flew to the only possible explanation. Kennedy had disobeyed her wishes. Had he actually gone to the Minister's Ball with Cass? Fiona shook her head. No he wouldn't... Suddenly her blood ran cold. Something was definitely not right about this letter. She swirled around her house. Her father was off doing Zeus knows what and here she was alone. She grabbed up her cloak and pulled it on. She wanted to talk to Pyro. To see whether her fears were confirmed, but there was no way she could now. There was no time for that. Kennedy needed to talk to her now.

Fiona wondered if he was hurt. If he had gone to the ball had something happened to him? Had Cassandra involved him in her little ploy to steal the book? Did he have it? Fiona couldn't stop the millions of questions racing through her mind. She wondered if she would be able to look Kennedy in the eye when she got there. Sure she was angry at him for disobeying her wishes, but could she really blame him. She knew that she had a sense of curiosity in herself. She knew Kennedy had that same curiosity and she knew that when she told him not to go that she would have to watch him. She ran a shaky hand over her face as she tried to bring the world into focus. What was she going to say? What did he know? Fiona took a deep breath, before she hurried down the stairs and toward the fireplace.

Without even thinking about it, knowing she would lose her nerve if she did, she threw the powder into the fireplace and called out for Kennedy's home. Stepping into the green flames her body swirled around and around until she came to a stop. Her mind flashed back to the day she had called to Kennedy. The last time she had been to his house had been the day that reality had come back into focus. The day she realized her father was alive, she wasn't going crazy, and that she loved Kennedy. That day had brought her so much hope and joy, she could only wonder what this next trip through his fireplace would bring. She opened her eyes and glanced across the dark room, her eyes falling on a darkened shape. "Kennedy are you alright?" Fiona asked as she threw back the hood of her cloak.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Sure enough, the person who stepped out of the fire was Fiona. It wasn't as if he had expected anyone else though. She immediately asked if he was alright as she approached. Kennedy fought back the bulk of emotions that were trapped in his stomach. He felt his throat tighten as he went to talk. "T...," he began, having to take a few sputtered breaths of air. "T-Tell me it's not true Fiona!" he cried out in a soft, yet desperate voice. His pain was all that seemed to be showing through him at the moment. It was probably best, because as angry as he was, he had a hard time showing it toward Fiona.

"I know I shouldn't have went. I know that I wasn't supposed to," he stammered, still sitting with his back against the wall. He buried his head between his knees and gritted his teeth. "Why didn't I just listen to you. I should have just stayed home, and then I never would have found out. I'd rather have just not known!" He was rambling on and on. Surely Fiona was not quite certain where he was going with all of this.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asked, this time the anger seemed more obvious than the pain and confusion. "I thought I was the one person you could trust," he continued, throwing his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. He couldn't bear to look her in the face. His mind was going so fast that he was barely able to keep up with his thoughts. Finally, he quieted down and got his breathing under control so that it was no longer gasps of air, but deep slow breaths in and out. He gradually let his eyelids lift and he set his gaze on Fiona's face. He searched her expression for answers, his own face emotionless and dead.

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona stopped dead at his words. What is he talking about? Fiona retreated a little back toward the fire. She didn't know what was going on, but something about Kennedy's unsettling appearance made her cautious. She just looked at him a little uncertain about what to say or do. How was she supposed to know what he was talking about? What was it that she didn't tell him? Her mind drifted over the numerous possibilities and she wondered if she had been right in thinking that Kennedy had found out something about The Chosen, about her. She stepped forward softly as she looked over Kennedy. He looked to be a mess. She wasn't even sure what was holding him together at the moment. Her heart was crushed in that moment. In the moment of knowing that he was in pain, but she was afraid to go to him. Afraid to touch him.

"Kennedy what on earth are you talking about?" Fiona asked softly as she looked at him. He was rambling now. Talking about how he shouldn't have went. The more he said the more Fiona was certain that he had taken off for the Minister's Ball. The very ball that she was going to go to later to check up on some things. She was glad she had canceled at the last minute. Glad that she had told Caleb she couldn't go with him. But now she wished she hadn't. At the moment she wanted to be anywhere but here at the moment. She stepped forward and bent down eye level with Kennedy. She was so afraid about what he was saying.

Fiona fell back away from him as his anger seemed to finally burst through. She cringed at it. She had never seen him like that and there was just something wrong about seeing him so completely broken. So completely upset. She felt the wall hit her back and she stopped. She was across from Kennedy now. Not far enough away from him and his words. She blinked away the tears that were in her eyes as she just stared at him. "Kennedy I don't know what you're talking about. Please you're scaring me. What's going on?" Fiona asked in a quiet shaky voice. She didn't know what to do or what to say. All she wanted to know is if Kennedy was indeed asking her about what she hoped he wasn't asking her about.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Kennedy could only hang his head. He could tell that Fiona was becoming increasingly worried as well. Realizing that he wasn't making much sense and that he needed to just calm down and say what needed to be said, he looked up at Fiona. She was standing at the opposite end of the room, looking rather petrified. With a few deep breaths, Kennedy closed his eyes for a few seconds before speaking.

"It's the Chosen, Fiona," he said finally, almost whispering above the sounds of his loud breathing. He proceeded to account for everything that he had just told her in spurts that didn't make much sense.

"I went with Cass. I know I wasn't supposed to," he said, somewhat regretfully. "But anyways, I found a letter. A letter that Pyro wrote to you. It was about the Chosen, Fiona." He bit his lip. It was hard for him to say. Now, he was struggling most with the emotion of pain. It was so overwhelming as his emotions has been changing furiously and at such drastic rates. He looked back up at her with a tears forming in his eyes. "I.. just don't understand why you couldn't tell me. Is it true that your allegiance lies with them? Do they come before me Fiona?" he asked, looking down again and closing his eyes tightly. Part of him didn't even want to look back up at Fiona, fearing what she might say or do.

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona's heart caught in her throat. She blinked and then closed her eyes shut willing her body away from the place, hoping that she could just disappear and everything with it. His words crushing in on her. She was beginning to feel lost in herself. She didn't know what was going on or what to even say. She just stood there looking somewhat dumbfounded. Why had he gone? Why did he disobey her like that? The actual thought of his somewhat betrayal hit her hard and she blinked back the tears as she looked away from him. She had to distract him from what he wanted to know. He was too close to this one and if Pyro had found out about what had happened it was more than likely that Kennedy would become a target. She felt her heart pain at the thought of Kennedy getting hurt. So she did the only thing she could do.

"Kennedy I told you not to go. I told you to stay away from her and to leave this thing alone. I told you it wasn't true. That this book wasn't real and that The Chosen didn't exist. Why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you trust me? Do you understand what's happened? I was trying to protect you!" Fiona cried out as she let the walls down. She balled her fist and hung it at her side. She was angry and she had right to be. "You betrayed me Kennedy. You said you trusted me. You said you'd never turn your back on me, but isn't that what you just did? You ignored what I told you and you went with that conniving little witch. She turned you against me and you don't even realize that. You turned against your fellow Slytherins because of her. I just..."

Fiona's voice faded off as she took a deep breath. She just raised her eyes and looked at Kennedy. Her heart cried out as she saw him there. She just wanted to be on good terms with him, but she knew that right now there was no way they could be.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

As hard as it was, Kennedy listened, hoping that maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding. "I know. I know Fiona. You told me not to go and I did. I'm sorry for that now, but how can you pretend that it didn't already happen. How you can you just ignore the pressing issue here?" He was desperate just to hear her admit the words herself. He wanted to just hear the words from her mouth. It was hard for him to even think it all as being real without her saying it. "You may have thought you were protecting me, but from what- From Pyro and the other members of the Chosen? Gosh Fiona, how can you say that I should have trusted you when this is something that you didn't even bother to tell me about? As much as I don't want to believe him, I can't stop hearing Pyro's voice in my head, telling me that your alliance lies with him. How can I know that's not true when I can't even trust you to tell me the whole truth? If you ask me, peoples' alliances lie with who they are willing to be completely truthful with. I'm sure the Chosen know all of your little secrets."

Kennedy knew that he was being harsh and unfair, but he couldn't help it. With every stuttered word that he managed to get out of his mouth, it made him feel slightly better inside. His face was very warm by this time, and he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. As much as he appeared angry, the emotion that overcame him the most was worry. He was worried sick that everything Pyro had told him would be true. Kennedy couldn't bear to think that Fiona had just been dragging him along the whole time.

Thinking back to Fiona's accusations for him, he finally worked up the strength to get back on that topic. "Fiona I know I hurt you as well. But please forgive me for that. You're right, Cass is conniving, but that doesn't change what's happening here. Just tell me. All I really want to know is if it is true. Do your alliances lie with them or me? There's no sense in arguing about us not telling each other certain things. All I need to know is if we can get past this. It won't be easy, but it's damn well worth trying."

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona bit her lips as she tried to keep it from quivering. She was on the verge of tears, Kennedy's onslaught was tearing at her heart. She looked away from him, letting her hair fall across her face. She couldn't look at him. Correction she didn't want to look at him. Truth be told she didn't know what to say or how to feel at the moment. Kennedy had betrayed her, but he was right. She hadn't told him about the Chosen, but she couldn't. She was forced to keep it quiet. It was that or risking death. She would have been hurt or those close to her would have been. She couldn't have risked Kennedy's life by telling him her secret and she couldn't do that now. She would play dumb. She wouldn't let him know the truth. I have to figure out how to fix this situation before it gets out of hand.

"I was protecting you from Logton, Blackfire, whatever her name is. She's trying to turn you against me and it looks like she has. I don't know what you're talking about Kennedy. My alliances? What are you talking about? I'm just trying to understand what's going on. What did Pyro mean by that? What did that Cass girl say to you? Why? When did things get like this...between us?" Fiona asked. The questions came easy. The lie coming like it wasn't one at all. "Kennedy no one knows all of my secrets, no one but you. You know about my father. My near stint in the mental ward at St. Mungos. I was going insane and you were the only one around to help. I would have died without you! You were the only one that kept me alive down there. Now you're questioning me over something I don't know about? I just don't understand this..."

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Kennedy couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could she not know what he was talking about. He wasn't mad, was he? Had he, in his confusion, frustration, and rage, imagined all of this? No, of course not. Either there was a simple explanation to all of this, or Fiona was lying, unwilling to admit to the truth.

"Fiona, I know that Cass had a big part in this, but I don't think that it changes what I saw in Pyro's room. Look, I just want the truth now. If you say you don't know what I am talking about, then how do you explain the letter I found- the letter that was written in your handwriting?" His voice was now less distraught than before. It was just full of confusion and frustration at this point. Things were starting to not even make sense. He wanted to believe Fiona, but it just didn't add up.

"Look Fiona, I understand now that you may have had your reasons for keeping the truth of the Chosen from me, assuming that everything I found in Pyro's room was true. And, I'll even forgive you if you didn't tell me. I just want to fix all of this Fiona. I really need you to tell me if you really don't know what I am talking about Fiona. Please, I am begging you. Because if it is all not even true, then I want to get to the bottom of it. Why would Pyro have a letter from you that you didn't write, and why would he have went along with the idea that you were in the Chosen with him, having an alliance that I don't even care about now Fiona. Can't you see I just want to make things right?"

Kennedy was on the verge of tears, unable to even process the thoughts in his mind. He wanted so badly to believe Fiona, but it was so hard to. It made him upset that he couldn't believe her. It pained him to think that he had lost her his trust in her, especially if she really did deserve it. But he did know that he was willing to forgive even if she was lying. He knew that it was hard for both of them, having this just spring up on them all the sudden. At this point, he even began to blame it all on himself... and Cass. Maybe Fiona was right; what if Cass was to blame for all of this. Still, he wanted to get to the bottom of it and find the truth. Even if it meant more pain and hurt.

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona couldn't stand looking at Kennedy. She couldn't stand forcing herself to lie to him, but she couldn't tell him the truth, could she? Fiona bit her bottom lip as a battle raged within her. She felt the silent tear run down her cheek as she realized that her decision could cost her everything and more. But he deserved it. Fiona turned her face to Kennedy's. "I'm sorry Kennedy. I just wanted to protect you from Pyro...from the Chosen. And when they find out I've betrayed them by talking with you about it I'll...I'll be killed or worse you will be. I just wanted to keep everything under wraps. I wanted to be sure you weren't harmed. They're dangerous Kennedy. They always have been. The most elite and evil of the Slytherins. The purest ones with the beliefs of the late Dark Lord. If I knew better I'd say he created the society himself," Fiona said with a shake of her head. Her eyes were shimmering as she tried to gage Kennedy's reaction.

"Please Kennedy don't be angry with me. Don't hate me for this secret. I had to. You don't understand what they're capable of. I've seen what they can do. It's been a year since I became part of their society. I've seen many things in that year. And this book is not good. Why do you think I tried to keep you from it. I've seen it. I've sworn upon it. I know what it's capable of. he power that resides within it's pages," Fiona said as she turned from Kennedy. Her eyes wandered to the fire and she took a step away from Kennedy. "Can you forgive me? Will you forgive me?" The words were from a desperate heart. One that was crying out to save what little she had left. The one person that had never abandoned her and had loved her unconditionally. She could only hope that she hadn't screwed things up royally. She could only hope that he understood her reasons for doing what she did.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Kennedy had hoped for the truth, not knowing that it would hurt as much as it did. But, he asked for it and was willing to work through the pain. Fiona wasn't the only one who had lied, he knew that. Still, their situation wasn't fixed even with the truth. There was much more to happen before things could ever be quite the same.

"Of course I forgive you," he said, finally able to stand even as a sharp pain stabbed through his chest. He walked over to the other side of the room where Fiona was standing, crying with her head down. "I know that you had your reasons. I know that you thought you were doing the right thing. You were part of them before you were part of us," he said, letting the truth sink in as he said the words out loud. "But there is still much that we have to overcome. I mean, if it's true what you say, about them killing us, then we have to do something about it Fiona. Pyro already knows that I know about the society, but he doesn't know that I know anything that the Chosen stands for. Obviously I have my premonitions, but nothing has ever been confirmed. I won't ask you to tell me anything, because that will only make matters worse. I just need you to do whatever you can to make things better. If that means you talking to Pyro and figuring something out, then do it. I've already tried making my peace with him."

Kennedy stood, still deep in thought. It all seemed so hopeless, even if he was willing to try to get through it all. Their situation was dire, and he wasn't sure if they could even make everything work out. "Fiona I don't know what's best, honestly. I just know that we are both hurt. We both made mistakes, and we will have to live with that. But I also know that I am willing to at least try to fix things. Maybe it means us taking a break for a while, just to ensure our own safety. Whatever it is, I willing to try it if it means having everything back to how it used to be." He gently lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "Just tell me Fi, what do you think we have to do to get over this?"

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona sighed as she fought the tears. The absolute hole that began to grow in her heart. Fiona reluctantly looked at Kennedy as he gently turned her face upwards to his. She could see the pain and confusion written in his face and it made her heart hurt all the more. She had caused that pain. She had been the one to turn against him. How could she say she trusted him? She obviously didn't if she couldn't even tell him the truth about her...about the Chosen. She closed her eyes and a few more tears cascaded down her face in search of the ones that had fallen before. She breathed in deep. How could she possibly know what to do? She opend her eyes as she placed her hand on Kennedy's. Her eyes trying to be strong as she battled with her mind and heart.

"I don't want to lose you...I can't. Your the only one that understands me. I don't know how to fix this Kennedy. I don't know what I can do to possibly get you to trust me. I'm going to talk with Pyro. I'm going to tell him the truth. It's the only way. I'm sorry Kennedy. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen. I wish I could take it all back and spare you the pain, but I can't. You mean the world to me and Pyro was wrong. I'd never hurt you purposely. I'd give up my place in the Chosen any day to be with you," Fiona stared up at Kennedy. She didn't know what he would say, but she knew what she had to do. She had to get out of the Chosen to save her relationship, to try to heal Kennedy's pain.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

"That means a lot to me..." he said, trailing off as he thought of the road that lay ahead of he and Fiona. It wouldn't be a pleasant journey, that was for sure. Who knew what repercussions it would have when Fiona told Pyro that she just wanted out of the Chosen. Obviously, there were confidentiality issues that Fiona would have to be trusted with. And trust was one thing that Kennedy knew wasn't just assumed that easily.

Kennedy hugged Fiona tightly against his chest, feeling her trembling body. It was cold, and he knew she was hurting. He was hurting too, but he felt as if he needed to just be there for her in her pain, regardless of his own. It was his responsibility to be there. To take care of her. That was why it was hard for him to think that she had to face Pyro alone. He knew it had to be that way though. For their own safety, she would have to take care of the issues with the Chosen. He still couldn't believe though that she so willing said that she would pick him over the Chosen. He wondered if he'd have done the same in her situation.

"You'd better go soon," he said softly. "Mom and dad will be coming home any minute, and I'd rather not have to get them involved in this. I will see you again back at Hogwarts?" he asked, stating what he assumed. "Please don't confront Pyro outside of the school though," he warned. "At the school, we can assume he will not act irrationally." Kennedy looked at Fiona once more as he walked her to the fireplace. "Remember that I love you," he said as he handed her the floo powder. "No matter what lies ahead, we are strong Fiona. You know that as much as I do. We have come through a lot."

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona closed her eyes as Kennedy wrapped her in his arms. She held him tightly for the few seconds. The embrace was the only thing she trusted righ then. She didn't know what would happen to her after she talked with Pyro. It was probably better that she didn't think about it either. If she thought about it she knew she would lose her nerve and her and Kennedy's relationship depended on Fiona's will to get out of the Chosen. She willed her tears away and only hoped they would be gone by the time she had to open her eyes. SHe couldn't believe everything that had happened in the last few minutes. She had bared her soul to Kennedy in those few minutes, telling him about the Chosen. The one thing she was sworn never to talk about was what had had to come from her mouth in order for him to know how much she cared for him, how much she was willing to sacrifice for them...for him.

The embrace ended and Fiona looked up at Kennedy, her eyes stronger as the tears dried up. Leaving her with her old resolve, with her sense of strength that she had lost for the time being. Fiona simply nodded in agreement. She knew that facing Pyro outside school was a bad idea. She was quite aware of what would happen when she told him that she was leaving the Chosen. A shudder passed over her and she couldn't stop the slight reaction that followed. Fiona followed Kennedy to the fireplace and she looked up at him showing him the strength that was within her and the will. Her heart both jumped and hurt when he told her he loved her. After all she had done to him he still loved her. She took the floo powder from him as she tried to keep her heart from aching. "I love you too," she said softly, the words hardly audible above the crackle of the fire. "Goodbye." She threw the powder into the fire and stepped inside. "O'Reilly Castle." Her eyes fixed on Kennedy's one last time before she was swirled away through the green flames.