Back to the Real World ((Cathy))

[Samantha Driscoll]

The sun. The wind. The water. How could she have never appreciated just how beautiful they were? They belonged to another time, another life, another person – she felt a prickle of fear as she thought that, but the sun's rays shining down on her face as she pushed the thought away, too excited about the moment she was living and this sudden new chance to live again that she never she would get. She let out a laugh, a high-pitched, unstable sound, but for a long time she couldn’t stop making it. The sun was warm on her skin that had known nothing but the numb frostiness of the walls and floor of her cell. The wind blew her long lifeless hair back and she stood in front of the sea for a few moments just enjoying all her surroundings.

She wanted to run, to scream, to cry, to laugh; she wanted to feel alive again, perhaps more than she had ever left. The spell had been removed; the invisible ropes around her heart and mind no longer existed; she was free, free, free! She would never see those horrible Dementors again, never endure that insufferable misery they had forced on her, never sink so deep in a pool of misery that she just wanted to die so she could escape. She thought she would never get out of there, at one point she had thought that she had never been anywhere but there. She was on cloud nine. This feeling of release was just wonderful; it flooded her being and made her feel as if the world had not to come to an end after all – she was being reborn. Everything was going to be all right.

For a few, glorious, moments Samantha Driscoll was happier than she had ever been in her whole life.

Then the Ministry workers came and dragged her to the boat. Samantha was walking very slowly, taking in deep breaths of air and filling her lungs as if she'd been underwater and almost drowning. This feeling of release was just wonderful. But then she saw the looks from the Ministry workers. They were frowning at her and she wondered what possibly she could have done now to be looked in such a degrading manner. She said noting during the whole journey but hid her face behind her hair and for some reason couldn’t stop shivering. She kept playing with her hands and rocking herself to and fro gently and soon began to feel very hot. She wondered where they were going. She hadn’t been told yet and she didn’t dare to ask. She wondered if she was going to have to go into some rehabilitation program. Before she knew it they had arrived and Samantha gave the men a frightened look as they dragged her to her feet and then made her touch an old denim jacket. In a flash of light and colour she felt herself moving backwards and then she was walking to the black gates of Hogwarts. Too shocked to say a word the two men made her walk up to the school and through the door, where nobody was waiting for them.

"You take care what you do now. You know where your father is and where you could be in a second," he said harshly. "That's enough," said his companion and he took Samantha's hand and led her into the Entrance Hall. "Look alive, girl, you’re back home now," he said kindly. Samantha stared at the door for a few moments, and for a moment she wanted to tell him she wanted to leave, for he was mistaken, she wasn't back where he said she was. She was just back at Hogwarts - at school – where she had been when she'd done the crime that had cost her so much.

Home? Where was that, exactly? Or what was it – did she even know? It was not the mansion she had lived in with her parents for so many years, and it was certainly not this school where she could remember nothing good or happy. How she wished there was just one moment of happiness she could remember, or a friend she could turn to for help now, but there was no memory and there was no-one. She felt a sharp pain in her chest as she thought of what the Slytherins she called friends would say if they saw her now. They certainly wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her. Not near an outcast like her. She didn’t doubt that they knew what had happened to her; a big scandal in a family like the Driscolls wouldn’t hide.

She stood there for a moment, lost in her thoughts, the same way she had been ever since they'd locked her up. She touched the wall of the Entrance Hall and bent down and touched the cold wooden floor, again marvelling that there could be so much light anywhere, and at the different textures of the wall's pain and the floor's wood. And again the question cropped up in her brain coupled with an overwhelming sense of helplessness – did she belong here? Would she ever belong anywhere? She couldn’t cry. She wanted to, and she was certainly miserable enough to, but she couldn't. How long Samantha sat on the floor she never knew – but it was a long moment of despair in which she could think of nothing but the fact that she didn’t know what to do.

[sammy]

The moon appeared slowly in the sky, sending its mystical lights upon the students that crowded around the front of Hogwarts, fighting to get inside. Even Cathy was excited. Back to Hogwarts again! She held in her breath when it was her turn to enter. Oh, the beauty of it! Every time she entered, she always was astonished by the magnificent castle. She cried out in happiness, flinging all pretense against the wall. She was back where she belonged! Gisselle was somewhere in the crowd, probably pushing her way to the Great Hall where she could pig out. Of course, a lady always left some food on her plate so it wouldn't look like she was a complete pig. Cathy glanced around, looking for the identical hair and eyes but saw no one. Heads bobbed around, shrouding Cathy's vision. Giving up on that particular task, Cathy pushed and shoved her way into the Great Hall, ready for a great feast. Her stomach even rumbled as she approached the mighty Gryffindor table. Sitting down among her friends, Cathy chatted animatedly about the going-ons around Hogwarts. Especially about the attack. She was still having trouble believing all that had happened and the injuries sustained. Even one student was in critical condition. There was a rumor about the name, but Cathy was never one to listen to rumors. They were all there just for the taste of knowledge.

The Feast had it's good moments and it's bad. The Headmasters' speech was very well taken by the Gryffindors, or so Cathy thought. She listened with an open ear the whole time, wondering what she could possibly do to help the Houses along into a friendship.She knew for a fact that the Slytherins would refuse to participate in such a thing, but that didn't mean Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor couldn't unite. Slytherin was the 'bad guys' anyway. All of them supported the Death Eaters and what they did in some manner. They were probably celebrating over there. Unless the rumors were true about the sixth year Slyth that got attacked....Cathy frowned and gobbled up her food to take her mind of the troublesome, weary thoughts. They made her head hurt and surely, the rumor couldn't be true. Smiling with delight as the desserts appeared, Cathy glanced sideways at the other tables. How were they faring? She couldn't tell from the distance, but some heads were bowed at the Hufflepuff table. Cathy knew the answer to that mystery. A Hufflepuff fourth year that Cathy had never had the pleasure to meet, was killed in the attack. Cathy frowned and said her own prayers to the girl who was no lost forever. When she was done, she looked up and felt a boiling rage for the attackers. How could they? She found it impossible that someone could take away a life with the swish of his or her wand. How horrible! Cathy stood from the table, her appetite vanishing into a miserable feeling. She was feeling so upset at herself for being so happy when others were in grief. Was she becoming more like Gisselle? Shuddering at that ominous thought, Cathy bid good-bye to her confused friends and set off down the halls, not knowing exactly where she was going.

The Grounds looked pleasing, she decided, after looking out a nearby window. The moonlight settled thickly on the dewy grass, making everything shimmer and dance. Cathy loved the outdoors, although her skin was becoming paler from being at the House of Dumas too long. She drew back her hair away from her eyes. It was starting to get bothersome, what with it being so long and all. It reached her mid-back now. Cathy adored her hair; she cared for it like a precious jewel. Walking off down a corridor, she stopped at the Entrance Hall when she spotted a figure on the floor. She looked devastated, or at least from this distance. Cathy blinked in bewilderment. What student had been left to sit in here? Puzzled, Cathy stood there, trying to make out who it was. Her eyes suddenly misted over as she looked over the dead hair and the complexion of the girl. Cathy already had a dawning sense of horror as to who this could possibly be. Making herself swallow, she forced her leg out to walk toward the girl. Right, left. Right, left. It became apparent that it was the Driscoll girl as she neared. It had been another rumor that she had returned from Azkaban after her period of time there. Trying to regain her cool, Cathy bent down and touched the girl lightly on the shoulder.

"Excuse me but...are you....alright....?" What a stupid question. The answer was right in front of Cathy's eyes, which clouded over when she touched the girl's shoulder. She was so skinny. Taking deep breaths, Cathy smiled consolingly down at the girl, trying to get her to feel relaxed. She knew this girl from Gisselle's talks about her, which hadn't been exactly pleasant. She wondered if Samantha, (was that her name?) knew her too. Dumas was somewhat of a popular name in the wizarding world, so she knew that if she introduced herself, she would know. Deciding it might be better to do that sometime later, she stooped low and looked into the girls' eyes. Why, oh why, did she have to have wanted to go out to the Grounds! She felt ultimately helpless. She didn't know what to do for the likes of this girl. She had seen worse then Cathy could imagine. But - Fate must have led Cathy here. Oh, how she loathed Fate too! She didn't want to have to be the one to encourage this girl, but since she was the only one around, might as well try. Cathy smiled down at her. "Aren't you hungry? Um...the desserts might still be in the Great Hall...." she began, her voice trembling slightly. Oh, where was her Gryffindor bravery when she needed it?

[Samantha Driscoll]

Samantha woke up from her reverie, the sound of the girl's footsteps on the wooden floor seeming very loud to her ears that for so long had heard nothing but the quiet stillness of her cell. She stared at her as she approached, crouching against the wall like a frightened animal, not too sure what she was scared of but feeling scared all the same. The girl was coming closer and closer. She was walking too fast. Samantha avoided her eyes, her disquiet mounting as the girl looked at her even though she was looking at Samantha kindly. She shuddered at the girl's touch and almost screamed. She wasn't used to anybody being that close, and the girl's hand was too warm for the scared girl. She tried to move away from her and slumped against the wall. Then the girl began to talk to her, and Samantha felt her heart begin to slow down to its normal beating rate. She hadn’t said anything about … that place… she was saying something about food. Food. Dessert actually. That might be nice; she had never eaten a lot of sweets before. Madam Renault and her mother wouldn’t have let her even if she had wanted to. Well, look where her mother was now… Samantha shivered involuntarily; she wasn't going to think about that now. She wasn't very going to dance again, so she might as well eat. She was feeling hungry… hungrier that she had in months. And the girl really looked quite harmless, besides Samantha had no idea of what she was supposed to do now. Perhaps this girl might know what she should do. Even if she didn’t, she couldn’t just stand here. She would go with her; she had nothing to lose, did she? She'd already lost everything.

Before they could go though she had to tell her something, she had to explain the thing that was most important to her right now. "I don’t want to see anyone. I – I mean can we – eat – somewhere alone?" she asked pleadingly. The begging note in her voice was pitiable. Her breath was coming in quick blasts, as if she had just run a mile. It was such a long time since she had last talked to anyone, and talking felt strange.

[sammy]

Cathy s eyes widened as she noticed how the girl was slumping against the wall, even though she was being as nice as possible to the girl. Cathy smiled hesitantly and looked around for someone to help her with this. No one came to her rescue. Why was she the one to deal with this? Cathy turned back to the girl, releasing the light grip she had had on the girl's shoulder. It hadn't looked as if she was enjoying talking or, in fact, listening. Cathy paled slightly and her heart was beat irregularly but she restrained from getting up and walking away from the girl who looked so...scared and inhuman. The girl needed her now and she seemed hungry....Cathy, happy there was a reason for her to stop stooping, stood up. Smiling encouragingly to herself as much as the girl, she was about to lead her out of the hall when she spoke about how she wished to eat alone. She sounded horrible and Cathy's heart pounded loudly with sympathy.

"Of course we can. Calm down now. We'll..." What were they going to do? Cathy tapped her chin thoughtfully, looking back toward the roar of noise that was the Great Hall. No wonder the girl didn't want to go there....in her state, it would be horrid for her to undergo. "Umm...." she bit her lip. How were they going to get food besides from the Great Hall? She could accio a cake or something, but that wouldn't work out right if someone got in the way....Plus, someone would notice that a cake was flying away and perhaps would arouse some curiosity in the students, making them follow...Oh, what was she supposed to do?! Cathy took a deep breath to calm herself down and thought about all the possibilities. She could bring the girl down to the kitchens...If Cathy could remember where that was...."Come with me." Cathy ordered, walking away slowly so the girl could keep pace if she felt the need to take one step at a time. She smiled and glanced at the girl, whom she still guessed was the Driscoll girl, but she wasn't going to be making any assumptions at the moment. Sure, she hated Slytherins and their attitudes, but this girl needed her, Slytherin or no. She stopped as they reached the corridors were it started to go downhill. She remembered that the kitchens were below the Great Hall..."Um, have you ever been to the kitchens?" she asked the girl kindly. "And - if you have - do you remember where it was exactly? I think I have an idea where but if you know, it would help a lot."

[Samantha Driscoll]

"The kitchens," repeated Samantha for some reason of her own. She'd been everywhere at Hogwarts before, all over the grounds, in the secret passageways, she'd needed to know the possible escape routes for the times when she played tricks on people and had needed to avoid being caught. She almost smiled to herself as she remembered the thrill of doing that – running and hiding and doing all the things she wasn't allowed to behind her parents' and her teachers' backs. Six years at Hogwarts had meant a lot of adventures of course, besides, she'd had her contacts in Slytherin of course, and she'd always known who exactly to befriend and how exactly to get the information she needed from them. She was suddenly seized by an overwhelming urge to laugh – she'd never more miserable in her life but she still wanted to laugh bitterly at herself wishing for something she'd lost – something that somehow seemed to belong to another life and person, not her.

She put her hand to her head. "I want to stop thinking," she said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. She forced herself to remember the way to the kitchen, too tired to tell the girl she didn’t want to think about being at Hogwarts and that she wasn't even sure she had completely absorbed the shock of being here again. "We need to go to that corridor – there's a picture there – and you tickle the pear and it becomes a knob – at least – yes – that's it – it's not on this floor," she said. "Talk to me," she said suddenly. "Please? About anything? I don’t want to think about – I mean," she faltered in the middle of her incoherent sentence, then went back to her request. "Just talk to me while we go there," she said pleadingly.

[sammy]

Cathy faltered as the girl remained in silence for quite a period of time. It was almost as if she was in a reverie or meditating. Cathy wanted to ask the girl if she knew or not but held back her tongue. The corridors were silent now - no footsteps could be heard on any level except for the Great Hall, which they were under. Cathy had been to the kitchens only once and that had been in her fourth year. Sadly, she couldn't even remember which fruit to tickle on the painting. Cathy gave a half sigh half shrug. The girl finally spoke up, but in a voice that didn't allow Catherine to comprehend anything. She knitted her eyebrows together, frustration boiling under her eyes until it felt like she was on fire. The girl was so....slow! Catherine took a deep breath and was relieved when the girl spoke again in a normal voice. She told Cathy how to get to the kitchens in a very quick manner, but as long as it worked, Cathy would be happy with the lack of details.

She smiled hesitantly when the girl asked her to talk, but Cathy would certainly do as the girl wished. It was obvious that she wasn't normal, so Catherine would do anything possible to make things easier. "Hmm.." Cathy thought over what to say as they walked down the empty corridor instructed. She didn't want to mention the attack on the train nor the attack on Diagon Ally, even though those had made huge impacts on her life. "Well, I'm really having trouble connecting to my twin sister. She's so different then I. She doesn't want any relationship with me besides appearance, but I want us to be real sisters. I've never had a sibling for a long time and now that I do... Giselle tortures and taunts me because I'm a Gryffindor. I know that's the belief now but it's so wrong that it makes me want to gag. I'm sorry if you...er....believe that too, but it's the truth. More people see it my way then the 'Slytherin' way. Giselle believes that me being her twin sister is an insult on her image, which portrays mine exactly." Cathy sighed and halted suddenly when she noticed they had arrived at the portrait. "I'm trying to make her understand what I am and why," Cathy went on as she tickled the pear, " but she refuses to even treat me as an equal. In my own home too!" Cathy watched as the portrait opened. She waited for the girl to step inside before she followed. The portrait closed behind them with a click.

"Anyway, I'm sure I just made a strange impression on you..." Cathy shrugged trying to hide her embarrassment about chatting on problems with Giselle. The multiple food laying on the tables brought her back to the kitchen. They smelled simply delightful and Cathy let a smile slip across her face. She was stuffed with food, although some of the cake looked deliciously enticing to her. Rolling her eyes onto the girl, she grinned and waved her hand in the direction of the food that was left on the tables. "There's plenty for you to eat here." She grinned as a little elf came wobbling up to them, it's tennis ball eyes bright and wide. "Is there anything I can get you, Ms.?" The question seemed more directed at the girl, which resolved in a shrug from Cathy. She didn't mind - the girl was the one eating anyway. She moved forward aimlessly among the tables, stopping here and there to smell the scents of food. It appeared the the elves were already beginning to prepare for breakfast. The set-up made it so that the food could go right through the ceiling and onto the tables above. Cathy smiled and kindly took hot chocolate from an elf that insisted she do so. She walked back toward the girl, a smile across her lips. "Sorry, but I don't think you ever told me your name...?"

[Samantha Driscoll]

Samantha was staring at the ground but she could hear the girl perfectly and her mind was taking in everything she was saying, for Samantha had always had a keen mind and could force herself to concentrate for hours if need be. She was listening to the different sounds she could hear as they moved from floor to floor, walking on tiles and then wood, fancying she could feel their different textures even through her shoes. She suighed softly then spoke in a low voice.

"Siblings often disagree. But deep down they always care for each other," she said. She didn’t elaborate, but continued to listen to Cathy as she explained the relationship between her and her sister. SHe then moved on to talk about the rivalry between the houses and Slytherin's hatred for the other houses. "I… umm… used to think so," she said. She didn’t know what she thought about that issue right now, and really what did her opinion matter anyway? "They sometimes hide it for reasons of their own, but personally, I think you’re right to keep trying. She'll never forget it," she said, thinking of Charles and her.

Samantha looked at Catherine in the eyes for the first time. "Strange impression?" she asked, and her eyes looked more alive. It was only for a second then she resumed her study of the floor. Again came that overwhelming urge to laugh bitterly, but the only sound that escaped her was a strange sort of giggle. There was definitely no-one stranger than her right now. They were standing right before the painting now, on carpet. "Just a second," she said. She slipped off her shoes, and felt the fuzzy carpet beneath her toes, and she closed her eyes for a second. Samantha was looking at the picture like it was an old friend. It was true she was afraid of meeting anyone, but she had to admit that being anywhere other than Azkaban, especially in such a familiar place like Hogwarts, where she knew a lot of secrets others didn’t know, was comforting in a way. She watched Catherine tickle the pear and the picture slide back. Samantha giggled again. "That's so FUNNY!" she said, as if it was the first time she had noticed that it was. Then, out of the blue, a question came into her mind and Samantha almost asked it without stopping to think for even a moment. But before she could ask it, Catherine asked her something. "Sam," she said. She didn't want to say "Samantha Driscoll" and remember the pride she had always felt when she introduced herself. So instead she chose the nickname she had told her brother she despised, which seemed to belong to another person.

To change the subject she asked the question that had popped into her head a moment ago. "What's your favourite portrait at Hogwarts? Or painting?" She'd never asked anyone that. She'd probably have thought it silly, but somehow it didn’t seem so right now. She looked at the elf. "I want that thing I can smell so strongly," she said with a giggle. She couldn’t stop making that sound for some reason.

[sammy]

Cathy smiled at young woman, who's name turned out to be Sam. She had been right in guessing it was Samantha Driscoll, unless it was a different Samantha. Sam. It all connected together in Cathy's brain. She had been the one to go to Azkaban.... right? Or was it somewhere else? Cathy never had an ear for gossip, but Giselle did, and whatever people said often caught fire and spread across the school. Cathy took a side-glance at Samantha but kept on smiling. So what if she was apparently insane? She seemed perfectly fine to Cathy. The way she explained siblings with such short words and emphasis. It made things seem more simple then they really were. Cathy sighed and looked up at the high ceiling.

"Yes, I suppose they do," she said softly in response. Did all siblings care for each other? Was Giselle somehow out of that guide-line for sisters? For family? "Some people are just harder to figure," she added after a thought. Another side-glance at Samantha told her she wasn't going to say anything more on the subject. Cathy didn't mind. She had gotten the idea across well, and Cathy could read that. She smiled but didn't reply to Sam's comment on the different feelings toward different Houses. She used to think that? What did she think now? Wasn't she a Queen? Cathy swatted the thoughts away mentally. There was no time for such things. She had enough to do. She raised an eyebrow as Sam asked about the strange expression. She met Cathy's eyes for the first time, but was the one to look away first. Cathy bit her lower lip. What had she said to make Sam do that?

"Well, it's nice to meet you Sam." She grinned at the older girl and looked back toward the kitchen. Amazing how well the elves worked and struggled to make everything perfect. She had only been down to the kitchens a few times before, so she naturally knew they had good service. The elf looked slightly confused at Sam's order. There were many smells wafting through the air. Cathy, to save the poor creature from farther puzzlement, addressed him. "A little bit of everything, I think." She said with a soft smile. She was surprising herself even. The elf hurried away and Cathy turned back to Sam. She had been giggling before and she did it again. Cathy just ignored it and hurried Sam to a table to sit at. "I'm sure you're hungry.... skipping out on dinner like that." Cathy looked up just in time to see a few elves hurry back with platefuls of different food. They set it down in front of the two girls and then backed away, returning back to work. "So," Cathy began, biting into a croissant. "Have you seen any of your friends yet? Or did you just not go anywhere at all...?" She cast a puzzled look at her before taking a sip of apple juice.

[Samantha Driscoll]

"Friends?" repeated Samantha, as it were a word in another language. "I… yes, I've just arrived," she said in the end. It felt so strange to talk again, to actually hear her voice out loud instead of inside her head. She thought she sounded different than she did usually, her voice held none of the poise it had, and it seemed rather difficult not to stammer. Samantha looked at Cathy for a moment then fidgeted with her hands, as if fighting some inner conflict. "Why did you ignore my question?" she asked. She didn’t ask it because she had been affronted, only because she wanted to know why. Very little was making sense right now – yet one thing seemed of the highest importance – and that was to keep her mind away form anything that frightened her, and it seemed the way to do that was try to sustain a conversation with this girl.

Forgetting what she had initially smelt and decided to eat, Samantha copied the girl and took a croissant and bit into one end of it. She didn’t pay attention to the usual things she did when she ate, like eating slowly and taking small bites, but instead ate ravenously and with such pleasure that it was almost indecent. She sighed in happiness after she had finished the first croissant and closed her eyes, savouring the taste still in her mouth and waiting for Cathy to say something. She still hadn’t looked at her for a long time, though she was gradually beginning to feel a little more comfortable.

[sammy]

Cathy smiled at Sam warmly, although inside she was troubled. She hadn't even seen her friends. She had just arrived, but didn't that mean she had just been let out of... prison? Cathy remained puzzled and mortified just thinking about it. The poor girl. Not seeing anyone except for Cathy at first.... It seemed funny, just to think it, but Cathy must be leaving quite an impression on Sam. Whether it was good or bad... oh! Cathy felt the burden on her shoulders and she shifted uncomfortably. "What? Oh... your question?" It was Cathy's turn to hesitate and think. What question? She thought back to their previous conversation about... Portraits! That's it. Sam had asked about the portraits and which was her favorite. Cathy must have forgotten all about it, or didn't actually think about it as her mind was muddled already. An extra thought might not be able to fit.

"Well..." Cathy paused as she tried to remember every painting she had seen so far. "Um, not the fat lady portrait," Cathy let out a nervous giggle as she remembered; that was the entrance to the Gryffie common room! Sam didn't know that, but still. Cathy swallowed and took another sip out of the apple juice. It helped revive her. "I think... this painting. The kitchen one. How you tickle the pear is just adorable and the whole fruit bowl design; very artistic." Cathy smiled. Yes, she knew a lot about art. "Or, I would say the one painting with that knight and the cute little pony. Although the little man isn't as cute.." Cathy smiled at her words. How stupid she must sound!"I haven't actually traveled around Hogwarts much, so I wouldn't know which one I liked the best. Out of them all, I mean. What about you? The same, or..." Cathy smiled and took another drink, just to busy herself instead of staring at Sam.

[Samantha Driscoll]

They were sitting on the ground and Samantha had her long thin legs huddled to her, her long hair like a curtain around her. She was eating slowly but taking big bites and enjoying them, and the croissant was delicious. She had already finished the first one and was halfway through the second. Samantha pushed her hair away from her face so she could see Cathy as she talked. She looked at her eyes and her hands, and she listened to the way she expressed herself. It was different then anyone she'd ever met before. It was simple and lacked sophistication; she said what she thought without embellishing it. Samantha would certainly never use the word "cute" or "adorable" to describe anything, let alone art. And yet what did she really know about art? Very little, but if she'd ever been asked, she would have pretended to have a thorough knowledge of it, and hide her ignorance by using her ability with words to sound eloquent and educated. And after all, what better word was there to describe a picture of a pair that giggled when you tickled it than cute? And Samantha did like the picture, and yes indeed, she did think it was "cute".

Samantha didn't know the answer to Cathy's question. Her favourite picture would have been the one her current boyfriend liked, or the ones in her house that her parents had picked out. But was it really? She tried to explain how she was feeling to Cathy, her words a little rushed but her voice a little clearer and more audible than it had been before. "Things change, and its not only that, right now when we were walking through the school, there are things – things I've never really looked at. I mean I did look, but never closely enough, never as close as I should have," said Samantha. She stared at Cathy for a few moments, her eyes expressing a fatigue words could not. "I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense, I'm tired," she said finally. She'd never admitted to feeling tired to anyone before, never admitted that she might not be making sense. But the strangely enough the admission didn’t make her feel inferior or stupid. She was simply stating the truth. And she was tired, she felt exhausted but it was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time, for at least she knew that if she closed her eyes now and slept no-one would immediately control her and give her nightmares so vivid they seemed real.

Her thoughts were beginning to cloud over in her head and Samantha felt the need to get them out of her head again. "In a way it's like people – I mean for me I'm just beginning to discover I hadn’t looked close enough - you were saying your sister isn’t easy to understand – well it's hard enough figuring yourself out let alone other people," she said. Samantha was just beginning to change even if she hadn’t noticed it yet. She'd actually expressed an opinion a few minutes from now, certainly one she knew her parents would have disagreed with. But she knew it in her mind – and her heart as well – to be the truth, and that nothing could change when she'd said that she and Charles cared for each other and even when it had meant challenging all her beliefs and ruining her life what she had done was what should do again and again, and that had to stand for something. It stood against all her parents had ever said – but she was too tired to examine that closely now, and she knew it would make her head start aching. "I've never eaten this much in my life," she said, giggling again, only this time it wasn't loud or high-pitched.

[sammy]

Cathy reached over and plucked another croissant from the plate in mirror imitation of Sam. Perhaps Sam would feel better to see that she wasn't alone in doing something, Cathy wasn't sure. She wasn't sure even how to act anymore. I mean, the situation wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as it had been in the beginning, but Sam was really hard to figure out. Was she sad or happy? Distraught or in love with life? She laughed a lot, but many a time a thoughtful look came upon her face, and maybe sadness and hardship appeared on her gaunt features. Cathy wasn't sure. She wasn't a good reader, by saying this she meant reading people, and she wasn't about to jump to assumptions. But it was true that Sam had been through a lot. Going to Askaban would surely put wrinkles on your face and extra years on your back.

Her description may as well have been true as Sam began to speak after Cathy questioned her on her favorite portrait. It seemed to Cathy like she didn't know herself what was her favorite or maybe she didn't even remember what paintings there were in the castle, or what she had thought was her favorite before. Cathy gave her a smile as Sam seemed to talk beyond her years, beyond a seventeen year olds' view, and suddenly she sounded tired, so tired. Cathy didn't want to give her a sympathetic look, and she tried not to, but she felt so sorry for Sam, so very sorry. It hurt to not say she was sorry for no reason whatsoever when her tongue was positively wanting to say it. Maybe she could transfer it through her eyes, but Cathy had never been good at that. She could read Sam's eyes though. So tired, so very tired.

"You made perfect sense," Cathy vouched loyally even if she hadn't really understood what Sam was getting at before. Again she felt so sorry for her, but again she pushed it away from her tongue. Sam wowed Cathy again when she next spoke. It seemed every word that came out of her mouth was coming from an adult, someone who had been through so very much. Cathy tried really hard to make sense of it, to put it in place in her mind, but even when she tried until it hurt, she couldn't really get at what Sam meant. Again. But maybe it was supposed to be that way? Sam didn't seem too sure of it herself, or perhaps that was Cathy's imagination playing tricks on her. Ever sense she had met Sam tonight, she had seemed unsure. So it must be natural to assume she was in this situation. Cathy was unsure herself as to what to say to Sam's comment. It was baffling and wonderful at the same time, so much so she was afraid she would say something and ruin it. She was relieved when Sam commented on her eating.

"Really?" Cathy went through everything Sam had eaten in the past minutes they had eaten - was it thirty minutes? - and figured that she could have eaten much more. She was still eating, as a proven fact. Pushing away her plate, Cathy grasped her apple juice and put it to her lips. When she came up again, she was ready to talk. "I eat a lot more then that. I mean - I'm still eating, aren't I?" She smiled. "But, I think you could do with some more food. You look like you were starved... I do hope you'll get enough food here to suffice for a while." She really did mean it. Sam seemed like a child, a large child, and she needed guidance. "Once you're done eating, you could go back to your common room. I'm not sure where that is, only that it is in the dungeons somewhere. So.... I can't really lead you to it..." She hoped Sam still knew where it was, because if she didn't, she would have to find someone who did, and most Slyths would not appreciate Cathy just asking them questions out of no where. "Not only do you need food, but sleep as well. I know for a fact that sleep can do wonders...."

[Samantha Driscoll]

Samantha looked at Cathy and almost smiled. She had no idea whether she understood her or not, but at least she was there for her, a real person she could talk to which in itself was very satisfying. Two months talking to yourself in a cell made you doubt whether you could ever talk to anyone again and yet here she was, doing it, which in itself was an accomplishment, even if it was a small one and even if she doubted that she would be able to do the same thing again.

She was much too focused on what she was eating to really look at Cathy or think more about how strange she must seem to her. Her fatigue was really beginning to get her but she was comfortable now, comfortable speaking with Cathy and she was afraid to do anything else that might hurt her, or even think of such a thing. She had managed to eat some more before Cathy finished talking and Samantha needed to reply. "I dance ballet you see – I mean at least I used to – and so I had to be careful about what I ate. Madame Renault and Mother always made sure I didn’t overeat and anyway it got to the point where I felt guilty eating too much so they stopped worrying as they knew I'd do it myself. I knew how to take care of myself and I didn’t want to let them down. But now?" Samantha shrugged as if to say "What have I got to lose?" Dancing seemed like something from another world and Samantha was going to lose herself in this moment, try and enjoy it, and food was certainly helping. Her mother was dead – and she wouldn’t see Madame Renault ever again and she certainly looked terrible so who cared about her figure.

She leaned her head against the cold tiles of the kitchen wall and almost shut her eyes. Cathy was moving onto a dangerous topic – Samantha wished very much that night time would never come, but looking outside the windows she saw that it had stole open her like another enemy she didn’t want to fight because she knew she was defenceless. "Comfortable sleep you mean. Sleep with no dreams – no nightmares," she said the last word with feeling; with bitterness. "I'm not going to sleep in my dormitory tonight," she said. She didn’t care where she slept; she would rather sleep in the forest than have to meet her fellow Slytherins or in fact anyone else right now.

[sammy]

Cathy leaned back as she finished off the second croissant, rather full already. She was used to eating big portions for dinner, not having any snack, and then eating small portions for lunch and breakfast. That was her routine, and she hardly ever broke it. Eating this was almost forbidden, as dinner had already passed and this was probably considered a snack. Cathy bit her lip and looked away from the food to avoid temptation. She shouldn't have even began eating. Sam didn't seem to need a role model anymore, she observed, watching Sam continue to eat. Which was good. Very good.

"Really?" Cathy was surprised at the very prospect. If she could have guessed any of Sam's past hobbies, it would not have been ballet. "I do too! Only, I don't really stick to the food thing while at Hogwarts. But over the summer and such, I cut it off. Daphne - I mean Mother -" Cathy corrected herself quickly, "says that a lady should always leave food on her plate. But isn't it compliments to the chef or cook - whatever - if you eat everything? I never really agreed with that..."Of course, Cathy did it anyway even if she didn't agree; Daphne made sure of it. No Dumas would be a pig while she was still on this Earth. "Maybe you should start it up again. I mean - if you want to go back to your normal activities, it might be good to do some of the things you used to do." She suggested, although she doubted Sam would agree.

"Not sleep in your dorm?" Cathy sounded doubtful and surprised again. "But - where else shall you sleep comfortably?" She bit her lip trying to hide how clueless she was. Sam needed help, and Cathy was probably not the best person to come to. But she would try, she would try her hardest. She just hoped that was enough. "Ooh!" Cathy grinned as a sudden brain wave came over her. Why hadn't she thought of it before? It was just what Sam needed or... let's say... required. "Have you ever been to this room... it's really amazing... it, like, gives you what you want... really!" She was so excited she could hardly put her thoughts into complete sentences that actually made sense. Standing up, Cathy looked down at Sam with a grin. "It's the perfect place where you can sleep! We just have to..." The thought put a damper on her mood and she looked down at the ground, "find it." The idea was a hassle, as the last time Cathy had used it was in first year when she was lost. "Okay, so that won't work.... but how about the Hospital Wing? It's always comfortable there, and Madam Promfey won't be a bother."

[Samantha Driscoll]

She sounded so surprised. Well, looking at her now of course she wouldn’t see it. Samantha no longer had her lean figure, she was simply skin stretched on bone. Samantha had never believed herself to be a good dancer – but then her heart had never been it. Sure, she practised more than any of the girls she'd been learning with and danced with a grace and poise that was commendable and she certainly was quite skilled – but there was a part of her that wasn't it and she never really felt the music and it was a terrible flaw. Samantha had never known that it was that that was missing. Right now, she couldn’t care less. She was probably never going to dance again. "I don’t know about that. I don’t know if I want to, or if I can. It made my feet hurt so much at times – I'd wake up early every morning just to practise at the bar, for hours, and yet I was never perfect," she said quietly. "I don’t care anymore", she thought, taking a large bite of something she couldn’t quite identify but which was filled with jam and tasted delicious.

"I wish I could just sit here and eat forever," said Samantha, too engrossed in her enjoyment of the food to really concentrate on what she was saying to Cathy. Or just sit even, it's warm in here, and I've felt comfortable for once. I wish I never had to meet anyone again. I wish time would just stop still – I wish – Cathy had just suggested something and Samantha thought about it as she chewed. "If you think that's a good idea," said Samantha finally with a shrug. At least there would be no-one there. And she found she was exhausted and sleep even sounded nice when thought about it without thinking of nightmares. She didn’t want to get up but she forced herself; she was so good at pushing herself to do what she didn’t want to. Her shoulder brushed against Cathy's side as she got up. There was something she knew she had to say to the girl, something she felt but she'd never actually expressed before. "Thank you," she said, and her voice expressed gratitude far more than the two simple words could.