Tonight I Just Don't Even Care ((Jack))

[Mackenzie Holden]

Bloody wonderful. Just bloody fantastic. The dreaded wind was picking up, and Mack's hair kept flying in her face and line of vision. It was only around 6 o' clock and it was already getting darker and colder out. A shiver went up Mack's spine as she walked along the shore of the lake. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she had her eyes closed to the world. There was a lot to think about and Mack had been thinking about everything a lot lately. She wasn't really stressed out because of it, but it was annoying her. She pulled her jacket tighter around her and shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her eyes still closed.

"This year's going to be different. It has to. I can't put up with anymore problems. No matter whose they are." Mack whispered to herself. She stopped pacing along the lake and let her eyes drift over the grounds. They sparkled, despite the darkness, and Mack felt a sudden soothing sensation come over her. The feeling came every once and awhile and when it did happen, it calmed her down a lot. She had learned how to control her anger and other emotions while she was on tour. A lot of problems had gone on during the tour, and with Tommy flipping out, Mack flipping out too wasn't something they needed.

The wind lashed out at her again and Mack opened her eyes. The wind began telling her rhythms. Mack smiled, a twisted and insincere smile, but a smile none the less and picked up her electric guitar that she had brought out with her. She began playing and let some lyrics slip out; "Here we are, so what you gonna do? Do I gotta spell it out for you? I can see you got other plans for tonight, but I don't really care. Size me up you know I beat hte best. Tick tock no time to rest. Let them say what they wanna say, but tonight I just don't really care." She shook her head so her hair would fall away from her eyes and she watched her fingers play the guitar strings expertly.

"Come on baby, we ain't gonna live forever. Let me show you all the things that we could do. You know you wanna be together. And I wanna spend the night with you. Yeah yeah. With you. Come with me tonight we can make the night last forever. Oh oh. Let's pretend you're mine. Let's pretend yeah yeah. You got what I like. You got what I like, I got what you like yeah yeah." Mack continued to sing, but by now her eyes were alert and watching her surroundings she had heard something. Her fingers continued to play the music, but she looked up and spoke clearly out in the night; "Stop. Who's there?"

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack's eyes pierced through the darkness beginning to surround him. Dusk was his favorite part of the day, only because he knew merciful sleep would be waiting for him in a few hours. Jack's hands slipped around his jacket, which was far too big for him. He scoffed openly at what his figure must look like. Probably a hunch-backed criminal. Father had bought this jacket and tonight he had just felt like wearing it. What a disgrace he must look! Roger probably planned it to be so, he thought with clear scorn as he struggled to control the jacket from flying off his muscular frame. Dirt flew into his eyes as he flailed around with his jacket, to no success. He scowled and gave a gigantic tug, getting the jacket under his domination. Smirking now, Jack covered his eyes from the harmful spray of dirt that was coming at him from the attacking blast of air. When it calmed some, Jack peeked from behind his hands with more scorn. Nature was something he respected, mostly out of fear, but out of anger too. Trekking across the path as quickly as he could, Jack looked up at the dark sky.

His stomach was pleasantly full although now he felt empty. His head was dizzy from over-work, what with Padme and all his school work. Jack was extremely anxious about his sister, who's mood-swings weren't normal for an eleven year old. She seemed older then Jack sometimes and even possessed some sort of authority that made him wary of her. He disliked those notions but when they were true, he couldn't just ignore it. He jumped behind a tree as the wind continued to attempt to rattle him. Loathe to be seen hiding, Jack stalked away from the tree as soon as the gust died down. Hating himself for that moment alone, Jack surveyed his surroundings. Since he had gone out an hour ago, everything had been thrown into darkness abruptly. The wind had been restless the whole day but never like this. Spontaneous was what it was. Jack kicked at the dirt, unable to see anything around him, let alone across the vast Grounds. His mood didn't lighten when he heard a voice coming out of the shadows until he ceased his mutterings and paused to listen. It sounded so familiar.

With a fresh smile on his lips, Jack walked forward only to hear a clear squelching sound. Jumping away with random curses, he noticed his shoes had become muddy and disgustingly filthy. The lake must be near. Jack sighed - berating himself for not looking at his surroundings first. The smile had escaped his lips somehow, for it hadn't adorned his lips for some time now and he wasn't used to it. He went forward quickly, only to cause a mini land-slide of rocks to collapse under his footing. The singing stopped and a voice called out. The smiled returned to his lips fleetingly before vanishing in the air. He walked swiftly toward the source of the noise only to come upon the red-haired girl he had tried to talk to over his stay at Hogwarts but hadn't seen her much. Mackenzie Holden. Jack crossed his arms over his chest and said with a strange note ringing in his voice, "What a pleasant surprise." He flicked his long hair out of his eyes with arrogance as he let that smile cross his features. "It's good to see you, Mack. I'm sorry to say though - I've changed over the small time we haven't talked. Sadly, you won't see this expression a lot anymore." He pointed at his face just as the smile went away again. Shrugging, he let a smirk adorn them instead. "What brought you out in this windstorm? A new hair-do or to attempt to make your voice louder then the wind?" Jack gave her a flicker of a smile to say he was only joking. Shifting his weight to the left foot, he gazed across the black ripples of water that was the lake, his thoughts leaving Mack and everything else.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack glared at Jack. She set her guitar down and looked at him with a deadly glare. "Neither actually." She sat down and looked out across the lake. She passed off his remark about not smiling much. Good. That was something they had in common still. She hadn't smile sincerely since...last year, the ending of it actually. A permenant scowl or false smile had been plastered on her face, and the sad thing was- her beauty just made her appear even more deadly. The wind rustled her hair again and she looked up at Jack through the corner of her eyes, "What has made you so cold and less...happy, should I say? You seem to be much more...dark and cruel then last we spoke." Mack sent him a quick scowl before leaning back and her back resting against the cool ground. Her guitar sent off a glint in the twilight and she closed her eyes to the world once more.

She put her hands behind her head and watched the sun set, and the stars begin to blink into existence. It would have been a very pretty night if Mack hadn't been so irritated. She wanted to dig every hidden and burnt memory out of her mind and throw it into the night sky so it would get lost into existence. She was heavily broken and there wasn't anyway to fix her. I'm heavily broken and I don't know what to do. Just seems like I'm choking, and I can't even move. When there's nothing left to say, what can you do? I'm heavily broken. It feels like I'm drowning. I'm screaming for it. Louder I'm crying, and you don't even care. Mack let the lyrics roll around in her mind for a bit. Her fingers tapping her head thoughfully. She didn't even notice if Jack was speaking to her. She figured she owed him that much so she tuned back in.

"So, Mr. Rendel, what has been up with you lately? Any new surprising things in your life? Anything big? Any huge changes? How about a life altering experience? Have you been harmed in anyway?" Mack would die if he was harmed. Kris was harmed and it was killing her. He wasn't himself anymore. And as much as she tried to be her normal self, she couldn't be. Not when Kris was so different. When he was so much more cruel, and so much more...dark. So much more Slytherin. She couldn't...just go on living her life like she used to, knowing he couldn't. Mack sighed and held back the tears she hadn't cried since that night in the hospital wing.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack rolled his eyes at Mack as she said neither with a glare. He had only been joking. Shaking his head, he smirked as Mack mentioned his new attitude. He couldn't help it. The people around him were forming him, making him who he was now. Someone he didn't like. "What has made me so cold? Nothing much, except for the fact that Padme is nearly killing herself in the bathroom; my exciting visit from Dixie; a rib-crushing experience from Jamie and to top it all off, my mother locking herself in her small room. Besides that, nothing is wrong!" Jack glared at her with hatred directed not at her, but at the people who were destroying themselves as well as him. He wondered if Mack knew about the little visit with Dixie and Jamie. If she didn't, he really didn't feel like explaining it all. A dark scowl set on his lips, Jack tossed another rock deftly into the water, satisfied with the huge plop it made.

Jack smirked as Mack asked if he had been harmed in any way. "Only mentally," he informed her sourly, his twisted emotions fighting to appear on his surface. Instead he remained nearly motionless and blank. "The Death Eaters are attacking everywhere and nearly nothing is being done. Father was nearly crying tears of joy when he heard about the Express. Luckily, he wasn't on it." Jack would have killed himself with guilt if Roger had been on the train. The death of the Pennington girl had shaken him at first, as well as the nearly fatal blow on Kris. Jack trembled a bit before catching himself back into one piece. "Many things happened over the summer, but none of which are very life-altering for me. For others....perhaps. None of them were fun in the least, let's say that." He scowled openly at the stars twinkling above them. Then, a small smile crossed his lips. "You'll be pleased to know that Felicity moved away this summer. She went to Greece of all places and I haven't even seen her grotesque face for a good two months." The grin was swept away by a slight breeze and Jack crossed his arms over his chest, a gesture that usually meant he was agitated. "What about you? Anything special happen that was exciting and resulted in something good? Tell me about that before going on to the bad things that seem to follow us wherever we go."

[Mackenzie Holden]

She sighed, placed her palms over her face and breathed in deeply. Mack looked at Jack, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound nasty. Just...I don't know. Being back here...it sort of doesn't have the effect it used to, you know? It's not my haven anymore. I don't need one." Mack then thought about what he had said. The visit from Dixie. She sighed again and blinked again. Dixie. Bloody hell. She sat up and looked at him, her eyes softer than before, and her head tilted to the side so her red hair fell, "Yes. Padme didn't seem to be in the most healthy of moods. And...Dixie? She's now in a mental hospital. She couldn't stand being here for more than an hour. So they took her away..if you haven't noticed her disappearance. As for Jamie attacking you, from what I hear- it looked like you were attacking Dix; thus his attacking you." She didn't know what to say about his mother, so she left that at rest.

Despite herself, Mack let a whisper of a smile cross her face at his mention of Felicity moving away; "Good." She said in a nasty tone of voice, "She bothered the hell out of me.. It was sickening how she was. Annoying little git. Probably didn't even know what two times two was." Mack flicked her bangs out of her eyes. She normally didn't have any bangs, but she had cut her hair so she did have bangs and they dangled in front of her icy blue eyes. Her skin was a little bit darker, thanks to her tour, and she had a slight change in her wardrobe but not much. She just had changed, and she wasn't sure if it was entirely a good change all together. Mack looked at Jack, and coked her head to the right a ways before answering his question or even considering answering his question. Besides the whole Dix thing, there really wasn't anything going on.

So in response, she shrugged and said, "Same stuff, I guess. Tour is over and done with. CD will be released in a week. Album's wrapped up. Everything's right with the world again. No big anythings with me. Oddly enough. And Derreck Holden has decided to stay out of my life forever, therefore no traumatizing incidents with him since he left. Apparently, that's what sent Dixie into such a frenzy. Or, at least, that's what the doctors told me and mum. Jamie says it's a totally different reason, but I'm not exactly in the mood to believe Andrews lately. He hasn't exactly been the best friend he could have been at all...since...well...since our argument. So, yeah. Nothing new...nothing bad. Surprisingly..." Mack bit her lip in concentration then looked away from Jack, her eyes fixating themselves on the moon which was slowly appearing in the sky. The Death Eater attacks. They were all becoming too much for Mack. She breathed in and then looked at Jack again, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips.

"We're fortunate, aren't we?" She asked, her eyes giving away her bravery. She was frightened. Scared. Afraid. Of everything. Of what the world has become. Of what the world will become. She was frightened to think of what she would be forced to do, who she would be forced to go with, where she would be forced to go if the Dark Lord returned to power. Tears filled her eyes, but she didn't dare let them fall onto her cheeks. She wouldn't show that much weakness to Jack. Although inside she was breaking down. Although she was a Slytherin, she wasn't a future Death Eater. She wanted to do something more with her life. The Dark Arts, frightened her. Even now. They did before too. When she was involved with them, with Dixie. But now...they scared her even more. Because more people were using them out in the open. Mack looked away before whispering; "We're fortunate to be alive...we could have been on that car. It could have been us instead of that Hufflepuff...or...Kris. It could have been you or Padme, or Dixie, or me. We're lucky to still be here. But will be here in three weeks, two, one? Who knows if we, let alone everyone else, will be alive tomorrow? We don't have control anymore..." Mack pulled her legs up and hugged herself, resting her head on her knees. She whispered, but wasn't sure if he heard her...

"Jack, I'm scared.."

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack tasted bile in his mouth as he heard about Dixie. "No way," he said softly, knowing that there was, indeed, a way. He shook his head defiantly only to falter with the gesture. "I'm sorry to hear that. She looked like a nut-case at Padme's house but...." Jack shrugged, hiding his worry about Dixie behind faked ignorance. He smirked softly at the Jamie part. "Jamie doesn't know what the hell he's talking about," Jack concluded with a maniac glint in his eye. He smirked. "If he did, he would tell people. Everyone knows that. He's just not saying because he doesn't really know. He told me when he sabotaged Padme's house that he knew everything there was to know about Dixie. Very full of himself, if you ask me." Jack smirked again and huddled close inside his over-large jacket. The night wasn't exactly cold, but Jack preferred warmth better. He grinned at the Felicity comment with glee. "Yes, well, if she hadn't moved soon I would have been forced to drown her in the bathtub as planned before-hand." Smirking with a shadow of a wink toward Mack, Jack settled back on the rock. Silence engulfed the area for a short while. He searched for something vague to say, but was saved the effort by Mack, who was talking about how they were lucky. He cocked his head, unaware of his apparent luckiness until he caught on to what Mack was talking about. He put on a grim smile as he played with his bangs. Sighing, he stretched his legs out in front of him. Trying to bide time before answering. His blue eyes sparkled with tension and hatred when he finally looked up.

"That's their business, Mack. They spread fear into everyone and soon enough, people won't wake up in the morning. People fear so much that they commit suicide before having to face their fear. It's not suicide in the end though...it's murder. Death Eater's have been the cause of everything lately. Not one person doesn't feel the tension in the air. I myself loathe even knowing a Death Eater. If I could change anything in the world, I would change my father. Just knowing that a killer is in the household makes me feel guilty. I hate being Roger's son! I despise him entirely; there is no hope left of him being a father to me. Father.... I have never experienced such a love. That word is meaningless only because his 'job' takes too much time and effort. He only wants an heir, a succeeder to finish his job if he fails. I won't do it. He took away my father and I'll take away his son! I mean it too. I'm not going to be the good little Death Eater son of a killer named Roger Rendel!" Jack spat on the ground, giving Mack his hardest look ever. "I will not stand by and watch him kill my friends or even a Hufflepuff mudblood. I can't stand it. Of course, I won't join the Auror's. I'll do my own things by myself. That's how I was brought up anyway. Independent. Wouldn't it be fantastic to see Roger's world turn on him one day; to actually go the wrong direction? My way. I will make people listen to me; I will not heed my Father in any shape or form. Even if that means I'll be a blind beggar on the streets....I won't give a damn! It's better then him. He can't control me like he wants. I've had enough." Jack's words rolled off his tongue; furies he hadn't unleashed for a long time. Vengeance tasted so sweet, he had to say it more then once. He must have sounded like a maniac, but he was on this subject. "Don't be scared, Mack. Be strong and willful. No weakness is allowed here. That's what the Death Eaters want!" He softened considerably and gave her a weak smile. "Don't worry.... I won't let them hurt you."

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack looked up slowly, as Jack ranted about his father. Her blue eyes just penetrated him with considerable energy. Her gaze was steady and it would almost be creepy if it wasn't Mack. A single tear rolled down her cheek and glistened in the night, she didn't bother to wipe it away. His words were so frightfully full of hatred and anger, of fury, that they almost made Mack shiver. Almost made Mack afraid of him. But it was Jack. And what he said next eased what little fright she had. "Don't worry.... I won't let them hurt you." Her gaze remained on him, but she stood and felt herself sway a little bit before she was perfectly straight. Her mouth opened to say something, but the words wouldn't come. Finally, they formed; "Won't let who hurt me?"

The question sounded funny out loud, and she suddenly felt foolish for asking. But she had already asked, and the least she could do was clarify exactly what she meant. She cleared her throat and looked away, before perching herself on the rock next to him. The wind kicked up another notch and blew her red hair behind her, so she seemed more like a little girl than a 15 year old, "What I mean is...how do you know who is going to hurt me? For all you know, Jack. You could hurt me. You say...you say you won't do as your father says. But, you have so much anger and frustration toward him- it seem..." She cut off, and took a deep breath, knowing what she was going to say next was going to make him even more angry, "you might just be turning to be exactly like him..."

Before he could, if he even would, grow even more angrier; Mack draped her arm around his shoulders and looked at him with her head tilted to the side; "It's inevitable. When we grow up. We become our parents. I'm already there. I just...I don't want to see you, become your father. Especially if you work so hard not to. Jack, I don't want to see you- with so much anger and hate toward your father, and then turn out to be exactly like him. It would kill me." She whispered the last sentence and held his gaze for a bit before looking away, and running her hand through her hair. She crossed her arms, having removed her arm from around his shoulders, and was looking down at the ground now.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack glared at Mack with confusion and unbridled rage as she said he was turning out to be just like his father. He shook with fierce rage, but rejoiced when Mack described exactly what she had meant. He avoided her question on who he was saving her from, since he didn't even know himself. "That's the point, Mack. I'm fighting the inevitable, the impossible. I always looked for challenges and here is one, presented right in front of me. It took a while for me to notice, but now that I have, I will not allow myself to turn into a killer and destructor. Looks and feeling don't matter, only if you're good of heart and have good intentions. My father's intentions are bad, while mine are for the best. I can't be him when I'm pure of heart. Especially since I haven't ended a life...." He smirked with obvious satisfaction and leaned back on his rock, eying Mack carefully.

"No," he finally said with a pleasant smile flickering across his lips, "you aren't there yet, not even close. I know you better then most.....you aren't your father or your mother. If you were your father...well...I don't even want to think about it. You may think you are, Mack....but you clearly aren't." Jack sighed and clenched his fist with his other hands, making the joints pearly white with his strain. "Things can be different. You just can't give up. Things can change if you take hold of what power you have and reign it with an atrocity enough to change whatever future was for you before then. I know I can and you can also. Things don't have to be like this!" Jack jumped up and began pacing. Passion for his dream erupted inside him, draining him of any worries before hand. He was elated, excited, like a little boy expecting a treat.

"I'm already turning tides. I'm changing myself into a better person. Can't you see? Last year I hid myself from everyone and was a weak little boy, clinging to everyone including Gryffindors. Now I'm myself and I've improved in more the one way. I won't be trod on, exempted. I have power and I will use it as I wish. Because no one can control me, especially not those who think they're stronger. I'm better because I have....logic." Jack paced the floor between his rock and Mack, nearly trembling. "I know you may not like this...this change in me, but I can't switch now that it's begun. I'm dearly sorry if you dislike me now, but this is the Jack you should have known. I wasn't myself last year but now I am. It's a vast change, one that I crossed in days, but I plan to wield it extraordinarily until I have complete control to make people respect me for who I am instead of who they want me to be. My father included. It's a dream that's going to become reality!" He stopped his feet and stared at Mack with such intensity he was surprised he didn't push her away. All of his intentions and dreams were pouring out to Mack, someone whom he trusted his soul too. She was irreplaceable and he expected that she wouldn't mention this to anyone. He tried to grip his mouth closed to give Mack time but he had to say something before. "Please, Mack, I need support from the people I care about. You do agree with what I'm saying...don't you?"

[Mackenzie Holden]

She watched him pace back and forth with unleashed energy and fury. Her blue eyes followed his every move, and listened to his every word. When he finished, and then asked her a question, she bit her lip and stood up from the rock. She walked over to him and looked up at him. A small smile crossed her face. A small, timid and frightened smile. She wasn't frightened because of him, though. No. It was just who she was now. She was afraid of the world. Mack tucked her hair behind her ear and cocked her head to the side like she had so many times that night; "I understand," she whispered, "and I accept it. Not liking who you are, Jack, that's never going to happen. No matter how you change, I'll always be by your side. You're the only person who has ever been there for me...through everything." She bit her lip. She had more to say.

"I agree with what you're saying. But can you promise me one thing? Can you promise me that no matter how hard you try to be someone who isn't your father, and no matter how long it takes to find the real you- because face it Jack, you don't even really know who you are- you will always, always, always, come to me if you ever need anything? Promise me." Mack looked at him and sent another smile across her face before reaching up and placing her right hand on his chest where his heart would be, "Now, this is going to sound like some really cheesy corny Hufflepuff, but Jack, it doesn't matter who you are on the outside. It's who you are in here," she tapped his chest, "that matters." Mack pulled her arm back and crossed her arms.

"And don't forget, that what you see as good intentions and what others see as good intentions are two very different things. And also, that it doesn't take ending a life to hurt someone. You could do that just by saying the wrong thing to wrong people. You could do that just by, changing." She stared at him, long and hard. Letting her words sink in. Then she looked away and walked back to the rock. She sat down and looked at the stars, while slowly thinking. But what she was thinking and what she said were two different things; "And you're wrong, Jack." She called out, "I am like my mother. I'm hiding from who I really could be. I am letting my potential to be something great- slip through my fingers. My mother, there's a lot you don't know about her. And I'm becoming her..."

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack gave Mack one of the truest smiles he had smiled this whole year. He was glad Mack accepted this change in him, for if she didn't, he would be changed drastically into something he wasn't. If she didn't agree with him, it would cause him a heartbreak, which wasn't just a fanciful saying to Jack. He had experienced heartbreak before and it really was real. He shivered with a cold tremor of anticipation as Mack continued on with what she had to say. He was afraid she would say something he didn't want to hear, something that hinted an ominous sign of her feelings. Jack waited on the edge, but found that all she wanted was his word. He held back though, since he would have to mean it if he promised her.

"I promise," he managed to spit out, making the words strong with his oath to do this. It may be stupid for him to do so, but giving a promise was more to Jack then just saying the words. It was a bond that would force him to do as he said. Other people could cheat their way out of promises, but Jack wasn't one of them. Only would he cheat out of something was to get the greater good. If he would ever cheat out of this promise, the greater good would be Mack's happiness. He sighed and intertwined his fingers out of habit, chewing on his bottom lip intensely as he nodded in agreement with what Mack was saying. "You're right. It's all point of view. The problem though about what I think is bad intentions of Roger's part are bad intentions. He knows it too. Otherwise he wouldn't skip out on some of the assignments. He's not a top rank Death Eater, so the Lord let's him get away with it. For how long though, I know not." Jack's voice was indifferent; he could care less whether Roger died this second from heart failure. His eyebrows arched into a frown as Mack voiced something he had been thinking about.

"I know I may hurt someone in the process, but I'm always trying to work for the greater good, Mack. Hopefully, if I hurt someone they will be able to forgive me in time. Time heals all wounds, or," Jack narrowed his eyes with dislike, "most of them." Experience made these words flow from his mouth. He glared at the ground fiercely before swooping down to perch on the rock, wilted of his fury and energy. Her next words surprised him so much he nearly fell off the rock. Pam...he didn't know much about her. Just that she use to abide by Derrek's rules. Jack tried to envision Mack being somehow like that woman, but it just wouldn't come it him. He shook his head sadly with a note of bitterness echoing through his next words. "I don't know enough about Pam Holden to be able to contrast her with you. I only know what I saw at the airport that one day, and she's come a long way then. So honestly, I can't disagree or agree with you." He paused, tasting the words on his tongue with dislike. He hated not being able to give Mack comfort, but lying only gave something worse: false hope. He wilted on his rock as he pondered over the matter. "I would like to know...what are your plans on the future Mack? You've heard about all my visions and dreams, but you have remained quiet. Tell me what you hope the future will hold for you..."

[Mackenzie Holden]

She sighed and looked down at the ground as Jack finished speaking. Normally she would have said something to what he was talking about, but she really had no idea what she was to say. When Jack asked about her plans for the future. She sighed and closed her eyes; "Well, when I was little I wanted to be a rock-star. That's pretty much accomplished. But.." She opened her eyes and looked at Jack with a look that wondered if he knew what she was about to say. That way she didn't have to. But after a moment or so, Mack stood up and reached her arms above her head- stretching her back. She was stalling. She didn't want to tell him what she was doomed to do as she grew older. She didn't want to tell him how she would be married...to someone she didn't love. She didn't want to tell him that she was following Pam's footsteps. But, Mack knew he wanted to know, so she wasn't going to keep it from him.

"As-" Mack started, but her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and began again; "As you may very well know, Derreck and Pam did not marry willingly. They hadn't even met until their wedding day. She was in love with someone else, and Derreck was more in love with himself than he could ever be with any other woman. They were betrothed, and they were married by the ages of 20." She paused, to let Jack drink in this information. She sat down again and brought her legs up, so she could hug herself around them. She rested her cheek on her knees and began speaking again. She just let the words tumble out, without thinking. "I have no future. I'm supposed to marry as they did, and be faithful to some rich man in a high pure blooded society. This has been this way since I can remember, and it wasn't just Derreck who thought of it. Pam decided with it as well. She said she was happy with her life, so she figured I would be too. But I'm not her."

"And then.." Mack breathed in and sat up straight; "And then I wonder, what would I do if I didn't do this? What would my profession be? What would I grow up to be?" She bit her bottom lip and smiled at Jack with a weak smile. She shrugged then and said; "I have 5 years to think of anything I want to be if I feel like I should go against my parents wishes. But right now, this is what my life seems to be set for. Marry rich, die miserable."

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack bit his lip as he saw Mack hesitate with her answer. Fool, he cursed himself silently. Mack was sensitive to things he didn't even realize. Like Mack had said, he could hurt people without even knowing it until it was too late. He frowned and ran a hand through his hair almost constantly until it was standing up. He had no idea what Mack was going to say. "A rock star's a good thing, a great accomplishment. You should be proud." He mumbled almost inaudibly, making a small shrug as he did so. It was so pitiful an attempt to help her feel better that he felt worse for event trying. Finally, Mack began to speak and a dawning horror went up Jack's spine. It stung and prickled painfully, which made Jack writhe with imaginary pain as Mack finally stopped speaking her horrible future. Jack berated himself again for asking such a careless question.

"I'm sorry..." He said, letting his head hang to his chest. He resisted the temptation to stand and hug Mack, which would be like burning a signal in the sky for everyone to see his feelings for her. Instead, he chewed on his upper lip, nearly drawing blood with his brutal force. "You can't let someone control you, Mack. You just can't. It's not right and marrying someone you don't love is just like killing off something..." Jack stopped and grounded his teeth, at lost for what to say. Finally, the urge to go to her overcame every other objection. He walked over to Mack and draped an arm around her shoulder, bringing her close to him.

"You'll think of something, Mack. I know you will." He wanted to add more, like Mack was always the one to figure out things, to make things right. Now, when things were wrong for her, Jack couldn't think of anything to help her. He looked down toward the ground, tightening his grip on Mack. "There's many things to do in the future. You could help people, or discover new spells, make millions of money off something of your own. Don't be like your mother. She leaned on Derrek too much and now that he's gone.... I don't want the same for you, Mack. You don't deserve something so horrible like that. If you won't do anything about it...then I will." He smiled slightly at his stupid 'Gryffie' intentions but didn't do anything off it, since it was true. "I"m sorry." He repeated again before falling silent, afraid to say anything more.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack rounded on him, "I don't have much choice now do I?! Now that Dixie has gone nutters I am stuck with the responsibility of being the good daughter! I can't slide with things I used to be able to, Jack! I am under close observation all the time! They have complete control over me, over what I do, over who I am, over what I will be." Mack sent him a deadly glare, but it softened a lot when he came over to her and pulled her close to him. She leaned against him for a bit, closing her eyes, and listening to him speak. His words flew around her and she felt secure, but it all vanished and reality reappeared.

"I don't want to have to lean on anyone for support, Jack. I want to be independent. I want to be able to live my life to whatever lengths I want to live it to. But, I just don't see it happening any time in the near future. I'm only 15, and apparently property of Pamela Holden and Derreck Holden who doesn't even want me for my dirty blood might taint his reputation. And here I am, so much talent and so many dreams and I can't even do one thing that I love because it has nothing to do with my future which just happens to be mirrored after my mothers. And you would think, since her life was a disaster- they would be a bit more considerate toward the idea that my life might just come out like hers." Mack whispered this, though her voice was soft and nearly inaudible the words rang out as clear as the night around them.

She breathed in. He was right. She shouldn't let them control her life. But she couldn't see herself fighting back. And hearing him say if she didn't do anything, then he would- just made it that much easier to believe him. Mack looked at him and smiled back. He then apologised and she shook her head, "No. It's fine. You have no need to apologise. Um, actually..." She smiled again, kissed his cheek and said; "Thanks." She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was timid around him...and, well...she was confused. Mack normally was a rush in, head first, if you fall you fall-type of person. BUt she didn't want to be that way with Jack. At all. So here she was...kissing his cheek like a little girl. And thanking the Lord that it was night so he couldn't see her blush a little pink.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack sighed as Mack explained with some aggression what her situation is. Honestly, he was only trying to help her out! "I know it, Mack. I know how you can feel like you do, because I've had that feeling before. Even now - I feel like a great weight is on my shoulders. Roger doesn't know about Padme, so I'm still his only heir." He grimaced with a contortion of pain, his teeth bared with dislike. "How long do you suspect Dixie will be in the...the one place? Not for long....right?" Jack shivered almost out of instinct, remembering the way Dixie had rocked back in forth in Padme's home, lost to reality...Mack brought him back as she leaned against him. Jack smiled softly, letting his mean demeanor down a notch.

"I know Mack. I know," He muttered as she ended her talk. "I know I don't have to apologize - I'm just so upset for you. I know sympathy can't solve any of your problems but still. You're not anyone's property, Mack. You never will be! That's all I want you to promise me tonight - that you will always be yourself no matter what. Your own person." Jack leaned against Mack, resting his chin on her head. "Things might not be perfect in the end, but I still want you to be Mackenzie Holden. Forever." He knew that if Mack promised, it would nearly trap her into the oblivion, but he had to make sure that Mack would be herself, not matter what the situation. He couldn't live with the fact of Mack being someone else because of control. He started when Mack kissed his cheek, not ready for the sudden show of affection. His blue eyes became extra bright and he looked down at Mack.

"Would you come to the Ball with me?" He asked with a silly grin across his face. He had wanted to ask Mack for a while now, but had never gotten the chance. Not only that, but the embarrassment of asking her in public had overtaken him. Even if he had seen Mack during the day, the possibility of him going up to her and asking would be low. And now, here they were, all alone in the Grounds. He grinned down at Mack, trying to read what she thought of him through her eyes, but the darkness smothered the space between them.

[Mackenzie Holden]

"Forever...is an awfully long time, Jack. What if I want to cave in before then?" She asked him, and although the question was as silly as it could be - she was asking him honestly. What if she couldn't handle the arguments, the threats, the abuse if she tried to perserve herself, her real self. Her blue eyes shined in the night, and she looked away for a moment before saying- "I promise. Even if it kills me, that I will always be Mackenzie Holden. Unless I choose to be, Molly Hanner." She sent him a glance, wondering if he remembered that. Her actual name, her actual blood, her actual mother. She wasn't a Holden, she was a Hanner. It didn't bother her as much as it used to, she was even using it as a joke now.

Mack swept her bangs to the side, so they wouldn't fall into her eyes and sighed. She breathed in the familiar scent of Jack and almost didn't catch what he asked her. When she finally comprehended his question, Mack smiled a small smile. Balls. They weren't usually her thing. It meant getting dressed up in a costume or a frilly dress and dancing. She didn't like dancing. Costumes. Or frilly dresses. But she, for some odd reason, wanted desperately to go to this ball if it meant going with Jack. "Yeah. I'd love to." She answered with a sound in her voice that said she was being completely honest. She hadn't planned on going to the ball. So she didn't have a costume in mind, so out of pure curiousity - "What do you plan to dress up as?"

Then a thought came across her mind; "I still maintain that you would look nice as a cheerleader- and maybe then you'll do that cheer for me?" She referred to the first night they actually spent together. The night they went everywhere, that was the night the shrieking shack decided to collapse on them. Mack tilted her head and said; "You still do owe me that cheer you know.."

[Jack Rendel S5]

"Forever is a very long time. That's why I asked it in the first place." Jack smirked at her in a friendly manner, almost as if it was as good as a smile. It wasn't, that he knew, good enough, but it would suffice well enough for time to come. He closed his eyes. Molly Hanner. They whole thing had been a fiasco. Mack really being a half-blood. He remembered the time they had talked in the castle about it and the possibility of it being true. Mack had said it would kill her if she found out it was true. Now that it was, Jack was relieved to see that Mack was over it already. Time can go by so slowly, Jack thought with a certain bitterness, and fast too.

"Mackenzie Holden, as far as I know, is the same person as Molly Hanner. No matter what name you go by, you'll still be Mackenzie Holden. People don't really have a label except for their personality." Jack opened his eyes to look at Mack. The dusk had closed in long ago. True darkness was starting to fall, but the light Jack had felt by being near Mack remained. It was another reason he enjoyed being in her company so much. He smiled as Mack replied to going to the Ball, saying she'd love to. That was all Jack needed to hear to actually become excited about the prospect. Now, he would spend more time looking over his appearance, aware of every detail, making sure everything was in place before the ball. But what would he go as? Jack chewed on his lip. He hadn't been planning to go to the Ball in the first place, but now that he had already asked, what to be?

"No. I would definitely be humiliated. Maybe even sought after by students to throw pies at my face." Jack smirked. "You know, I've been practicing a cheer for you. Perhaps I will show it to you sometime soon. If that day comes, make sure to have a few cushions at hand, for they will be needed." Jack rolled his eyes at his own clumsiness. He didn't wish to be graceful in any way, but sometimes things got out of hand. "If I remember right," he added with a small smile, "you were very good at catching me last time. I expect the same this time." He teased while flexing his fingers. Along with the dark, a slight chill was setting across the grounds. Jack felt it, but he didn't want to leave the Grounds just yet. "I'm going to go as a pirate. It'll be perfect. I'll have the raggedy pants and shirt with a golden medallion at my neck. Perhaps an earring to go with. A big hoop one, mind you." Jack smirked. "How does that sound to you, m'dear? Would I be a good pirate, or is a cheerleader a wiser choice?"