The Silence Is Deafening ((Catherine))

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

Some people say that silence is golden. Caitlin disagreed. Silence was the worst thing ever. It was deafening when you didn't want it to be. And never there when you need it to be. It's hard to control. People were either talking incessantly around you, or weren't talking enough. It was either one way or another, and Caitlin couldn't handle it. Especially when she needed it to be a certain way and it never was. It was silent tonight. Caitlin liked it. It engulfed her. It made her feel at ease. At ease. That reminded Caitlin of a song. Damn song. Always getting stuck in her damn head. God, how she hated that. Things were always getting stuck in her head. Numbers. Songs. Words. Phrases. Quotes. Spells. Anything. Everything! Certain memories were embedded in her mind as well..she hated that. She hated how her mind worked.

Certain thoughts and memories would never leave her alone. Caitlin found that at times those memories and thoughts decided to make an appearance, she would busy herself and would force them out of her mind for the moment. They could return later...probably when she wasn't in public. Perferably when she wasn't in public. Because then she could cry and be upset all she wanted, without the unwanted attention crawling after her like a wounded dog. Like a wounded dog who lost its owner. Unwanted attention seemed to follow her everywhere, and Caitlin could only do so much to keep herself from doing something drastic- just to make the attention stop. There was only so much she could do and say and try. And she was beyond all of that. It hadn't worked before. It probably wasn't going to work now. She had tried and failed. She would never succeed.

The hallways were empty. Bringing that silence to her ears. The welcomed kind of silence. Not the kind that you want to run away from. She let it swallow her whole being as she walked gracefully and quietly down the corridors of Hogwarts toward the huge double doors that led to the grounds. It was around 9:30 or so...she wasn't sure if she would get caught...especially since it was dark and the grounds were off-limits. But she didn't care either. The common room was too bustly, and the library was too eery quiet- the unwelcomed kind. The candles or torches or whatever the hell they were that were sending the light into the corridors, made dancing shadows on the walls. Caitlin stopped and admired for a bit before slowly moving on toward the doors. Toward her freedom from the stuffy castle. Her legs carried her to them, and she pushed at them before they swung open almost noiselessly.

The moment Caitlin stepped outside, there was a gentle breeze blowing at her face and tugging at her skirt. She hadn't bothered to change out of her uniform- it wasn't like she was doing anything special enough to change out of her uniform for. Her brown hair was down, and she had some of it tucked behind her right ear. Her blue eyes just glazed over as she looked at the grounds. They looked serene, they looked exactly how she didn't feel. Caitlin sighed and trudged down toward the lake. Over the years she had attended Hogwarts, Caitlin had found that the lake had some sort of calming soothing sound that made her less irritated, depressed, thoughtful, or angry. This was very useful. Especially since she got angry or depressed an awful lot. All she had to do was walk out here, sit down, and listen. If one listened hard enough, they could hear nature talking to them. Or so she was told. She still couldn't hear it. Maybe she was a freak.

Caitlin sat down at the bank of the lake, and closed her eyes. Her legs were pulled up and she hugged herself around the knees. The wind continued to rustle her hair, and the sound of the waves lapping against the shore continued to sooth her. She thought herself to almost be in heaven, until intruder footsteps were heard in the line of waves and wind. Caitlin's eyes popped open and she turned to face the intruder. A girl. Her year. Her house. Catherine Dumas. Caitlin bit her lip, sent her a small smile, then turned away. Caitlin had mastered smiles. There was the 'hello' smile, the 'I'm alright' smile, the 'leave me alone right now' smile, the 'I understand' smile. Smiles kept her from having to speak. Caitlin liked smiles, although inside she was crying...not smiling.

[sammy]

Giselle always had a date. She could master anyone she wanted to in the moment of time, speaking to boys and enticing them to follow her around like some Princess. Cathy hated it when she saw Giselle do this, since she had no such charm. Not that she wanted it but...it could be somewhat useful later. She was pretty, but she was always pessimistic, angry, or restless. Now, Giselle wanted her sparkling shoes. "Please Cathy? I really need them tonight. Mother never got them for me, but I really need them now since they'll sparkle when I walk." she stated, practically taking the shoes out of Cathy's hands. Stupid Giselle. She'll meet her rightful end sooner or later, but Cathy, sadly, wanted it to be sooner. She had been optimistic once; bubbly and happy, but lately that only came to her when she danced. And that was near never. Her life had revolved around the ballet, but it couldn't be when she was at Hogwarts. It had to stop sometime. Fantasy was better then reality. Giselle's harsh grip on her hand brought reality spinning back. "Sure." said Cathy nonchalantly. Giselle smirked and gave her twin a significant pat on the shoulder before disappearing around the corner. If Beau knew how many people Giselle kissed per day, it wouldn't be pretty. Beau was Giselle's 'at home' boyfriend. Only then did she talk to him. They kept no contact over their summer apart. Poor Beau. If he only knew.

Cathy's face was hidden by a curtain of hair. She didn't mind. It hid her, and she needed something to hide behind, even her very own hair. Daddy's letter had been peculiar and even more heart-stopping then she had ever experienced. Daphne wanted something with Giselle....Cathy shuddered, afraid of the mere thought. Maybe she had been rash thinking Giselle's end should come soon. Justice and mercy were things that were part of everyday life, but what should she show to her evil demented twin? Mercy would be unwelcome and justice unfair. Life wasn't fair. Life was just as dense as Daphne, Nature hid it's beauty but the storm clouds resembled it's wrath. Daphne was very much like Nature, Earth itself. Cathy was frightened of Daphne's shadow, like a small rabbit. She often wondered why the hell she was in Gryffindor of all houses. Hufflepuff would have been more suiting. She was sad and terrified of the world, afraid she would fall off and be smashed into oblivion. It was her greater fear, especially since everyone seemed to be stronger then her. Her only refuge was ballet. Even that couldn't stop the world from spinning. Only for a few hours.

Cathy was left staring at the space Giselle had once been. The silence rang in her ears, but she didn't mind. It was better then being goggled over, watching, spied on, talked to. Forced to talk, spill out secrets. Her blond hair fell even farther forward to disguise her face. She must have looked ghastly in the soft glow of the flickering lights in the hall. She had always despised Hogwarts at night. It was far too big, and sleeping in it was nothing easy. Every little noise woke Catherine up, making her tremble in fear at the very thought of what could happen. I'm not always afraid. Just afraid of the now and the future. I wasn't afraid in the past. But I'm afraid of that too. I'm just going through I rough time, that's all. Nothing major. My life is just falling to pieces, so why should I care? She narrowed her eyes at her own thoughts as the raced across her mind. Damn silence. It made her think too much about her life, which was worse then it could even be, worse then people could imagine. But maybe she was giving it a hard time. Maybe she really was imagining things, being selfish enough to persuade herself her life was worse off then anyone else's. Deep inside she knew that was wrong, but lately her melancholy depressions came more and more often, not just spontaneously. She always felt like a disaster when they were over, but that was because she was a disaster. A tornado that can't stop once it starts. Even Giselle didn't have that charm.

Cathy walked away dream-like. Her feet thudded heavily against the cold stone, but she didn't care. It hurt to just think, let alone walk. Her mind buzzed with the bees of deceit, lies, and fear. Everything that had ever gone on in her life was now crumbling to the ground, shattering at her very feet. On she walked, down the hall, toward the outdoors that would welcome her, comfort her. She was surrendering to the fact that no one else could, but the Nature she feared the most. And loved. Definitely loved. She could feel Nature and it's sneaky ways; the colors it displayed in the sky. The morning was the best time of day. Sun rise. Yellow, Green, Purple, Pink. Colors elated her like nothing else. Cathy smiled again, pulled back her hair, confident that she would get through her problems. She'd always survive, not matter what hurtles stood in her way. Even the ones that reached the sky couldn't get to her. Nope. Only when she wanted them too....The big oak doors were waiting for her. She pushed them open loudly, wanting to hear something. Anything. It responded with a sickening crunching sound. Great. She smiled slightly and walked away from the ever looming castle, casting a shadow on her back.

A lone figure sat at the lake. That's where she would go. Perhaps company would be best? Lately, she'd been avoiding unwelcome talkers and loud-mouths, but today she could change. It was dark out. The stars twinkled her a welcome greeting, and the breeze caressed her pale hair. She felt at home out here. The lake was even more possessive. Cathy would have gone there even if no one was sitting. Walking quickly down a slight incline, Cathy reached the person. A girl in Gryffindor. Closer up she approached, until she recognized the girl as Caitlin Martinez. Caitlin smiled at Cathy, a friendly smile. Cathy melted under it, letting it soothe her into smiling herself. Her lips curled into a hello smile. "Hey." she greeted, plopping down on the grass beside the girl. "How come you're out so late? Didn't feel like sleeping?"

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

Late? It couldn't be too late, could it? It didn't feel too late. Maybe that was something Caitlin was never good at. Keeping track of the time. It could explain why she was either late or early to certain events. Then again, that was just who Caitlin was. She was never one to be punctual. That made her parents rather mad from time to time. Made them mad to the point they would do anything to make her on time for one thing. Get her a watch, a cell phone that they could use to call her, anything. They even asked her once if there was some sort of spell. She hadn't answered honestly. Because there probably was. Catherine took a seat next to Caitlin, causing her to shake herself from her daze and to look at her.

Couldn't sleep? No. That wasn't it. Was it? Caitlin hadn't tried to sleep, so she was certain that wasn't it. She just felt like a walk near the lake and her legs decided to become tired, so she had to stop and sit for a bit. But sitting led to thinking and thinking sucked. Especially when there were certain things she didn't want to think about. The thoughts flooded her mind and erased her being from her life, and she was just a speck in the dust and the game of life. It bothered her and there wasn't anything she could do to change that. Especially since...well..since everything sucked. Caitlin chewed her bottom lip and looked at Catherine again; "The night called to me, I guess. It's almost mythical how it calls to me and how I respond."

Another smile with a small twinkle in her eyes this time. The smile faded and she looked down at her toes which were wiggling in her shoes. The polite thing to do would be to ask why Catherine was out as well, but Caitlin wasn't thinking about being polite. Normally her upbringing would kick in subconsciously and she would be as sweet and polite as her mother had raised her, but lately that hasn't been the story. Caitlin hasn't been up to being a nice, sweet, happy young girl. At all. Too bad. "Why are you out?" Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she instantly felt foolish for even speaking. She sighed and smiled timidly again but didn't look at her house-mate. Instead her eyes remained steady on the lake.

[sammy]

The night had called to her? Interesting. Cathy put her hands in her pockets. It was becoming colder and colder outside as the season of fall merged with winter. Catherine never liked the cold much. Snow always held some pleasure for her, but otherwise she would delete winter from Hogwarts, if that was possible. She looked at Caitlin with a raised eyebrow. "I know what you mean. Sometimes, the Grounds appear empty, but they never are. Birds, squirrels, fish, everything is still out there, enjoying the Grounds as no one else is. I often feel drawn toward the animals, toward the things on Earth that everyone takes for granted. It's strange, but I can't help it. I know that they aren't just there for us to use whenever. We should take time to enjoy what we have, before it's taken away from us." Cathy's speech had been deeper then intended, but she wasn't regretting it. Some things had to be spoken, or else it would build up inside and always separate people from others even when you wanted to talk. Catherine stared up at the sky, noticing that the stars did not twinkle. They were cold, heartless, watching them with sorrow? Cathy was always good at reading stars and animals, seeing their spontaneous emotions whirl around inside their fascinating perplexities and personalities. Humans were much more complex. Caitlin was much more complex then the cold stars, or the fish that occasionally poked their heads out to see them. She brought her knees to her chest as Caitlin asked her what she was doing outside.

"Well...." What was she doing outside, on a frosty night, talking to her house-mate? Couldn't sleep. Nay, she could sleep when she wanted, which was never. "I just felt like it. Somewhat similar like being called out. I just come out because there's many things for me to think about, fret over, make decisions on.....I hope I don't sound flustered or anything, I'm just going through a hard time and..." She bit down on her tongue forcefully. She couldn't go spilling out intimate details of her life to Caitlin, her acquaintance. They had never really talked like friends, gotten to know each other. There were as much strangers as a Slytherins fifth year was. The only difference was they slept in the same room. Cathy hugged her knees ever closer, gathering all the warmth in her body. She was cold, freezing. Realizing just now that she had left her sentence off, Cathy resumed with a faltering voice that was barely audible, "It's wonderful really, Nature. It can soothe you with it's whispers, wipe the tears with it's breeze, give you some comfort from all the bruises punishing your mind and body. It's my own little sactuary....I come out her every night and hope for an answer, but I've just realized I can only help myself. Nature is just something to lean on." She sighed heavily before exulting, defying the will to cry.

"I'm really sorry, Caitlin. I'm not usually like this, only when I'm trying to discover new possible options that I haven't noticed before in my life. I'm confused. So please, just ignore what I'm saying because lately I haven't been myself." Cathy stated with a mournful smile. She use to be the happy, go-lucky, charming little girl. That was in the bayou. When she had moved to London, it was hard. She got used to it. She became a kaleidescope of whirling fears, excitement and wonders. Hogwarts. She loved it. Now though, she was beginning to realize the meaning of life. It wasn't supposed to be taken for granted. Cathy had to value it, enjoy it, savor it while she could, for who knew when life would come crashing down? She prepared herself for that moment, since it had to be soon. Why else was Giselle becoming a different person? Why else would Cathy be unable to sleep, resulting in rings around her eyes? Why else would her complexion be waxing every day, ever night that she looked up at the same moon, the one that had consoled her since a little child? Cathy cut off her thoughts immediately before she broke down. Outside she could be happy. Yes. Her lips twitched into a smile, a false smile that could pass for something close to happiness.

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

"Okay." Was all she said. Caitlin didn't like to pretend to be interested in other people's problems. Her mother saw it as rude, Caitlin saw it as uninteresting. She could care less if the person she was meeting or speaking to was depressed- it wasn't her problem, and it was exhausting if she did pretend to care. Their negative energy would transfer to her, and she wouldn't be positive anymore. Newtons Law of Energy, or sommem like that. She couldn't quite remember. Tyler had explained it to her, but she didn't understand it...besides she was too busy throwing popcorn at him. When one energy forced enters the area of another energy force, the negative energy gets transferred to an object near it. Caitlin blamed most of her bad moods on the transference of energy, and she knew she shouldn't. But she did. Of course, then again- she also knew she shouldn't do many other things but that never stopped her now did it?

The wind rustled by again and Caitlin shivered lightly, it was getting chillier and chillier out and it bothered her only in the slightest. The monsters weren't going to get her. The ones in the real world anyway. The monsters in her head were something totally different and sometimes they killed her from the inside out. It cut her up inside and left her to bleed in her sorrows. It was really bad, and she needed help but no one could hear her screams, because she wouldn't let them out. She didn't like her problems to be let loose into the actual world, because it all came down to the attention she didn't want. When she wanted attention, Caitlin would do something to show she wanted it- but she wouldn't do something to show her depression. Maybe she would act not herself, but nobody really noticed that unless they were very close to her.

"So...um..." Caitlin muttered under her breath. She was trying to make some form of conversation between her and Catherine, but she was certain it wasn't going to work as much as she would like.

[sammy]

Okay. That was all she could say? Cathy glowered at the grass. This is what she got for being outspoken, was it? This was what happened to people who were honest in their thoughts and feelings. Others neglected them and couldn't empathize or even use a small amount of sympathy. She had expected the okay reaction with a Slytherin of the worst sort, for Giselle was horrible but she still cared about Cathy's depression. Yet, here was a Gryffie of her own year, saying okay!? Cathy struggled to fine some understanding as to why Caitlin would do this, but found none. The only conclusion blared like sirens in her head, causing her glare to reach Caitlin's eyes. She pulled up grass with an upsetting rage and poured it over her legs without noticing she did so.

"Can't you at least say something intelligent? I thought people around Hogwarts were caring and not neglectful, encouraging sadness and depression. I know I may sound like some loner, but I'm not always! I'm just having trouble and all you could say is okay?! I knew you for five years Caitlin Martinez, yet you don't try to soothe me, empathize, tell me everything will turn out alright. Slytherins are supposed to say, "Okay, whatever," when they hear problems, but not a Gryffie! Don't Gryffindors supposedly have pure hearts, made of gold? I see now that this proclamation doesn't mean anything to you. I know you better then ever before. I can even name some traits you have. Uncaring, selfish, rude and ignorant!" Her voice was heavy with scorn and it shook slightly. Damn the foolish people, such as the girl before her, who could not even rationalize people's feelings and try to help them, comfort them, even if the words spark false hope. Cathy pulled up grass, but this time flung it into the lake.

"I have no times for children who aren't mature enough to respect their fellows." Cathy stormed and stalked away from Caitlin, letting her anger out on the grass at her feet. She had never felt this upset for a long time. Caitlin and Cathy had never been close enough to know each other well enough, but that was all the more reason to actually be nice and caring. Something the girl obviously couldn't define. Cathy's rage covered the tears that slid through her soul. Everyone was being effected by the cruel people around them. Even Gryffies were becoming horrible, and the sad part was that they didn't even realize it. But maybe...it was just the girl who was the bad person. Selfish and cruel. Cathy looked back at the form of Caitlin, sighed and retreated back toward her, feeling remorse at her sudden out-break of twisted emotions.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said." Lies. "I didn't mean to go off and throw a temper. " I just wanted you to realize your stupidity. "I'm really sorry. What can I do to make it up for you?" Why was she asking forgiveness from some ignorant fool like this Gryffindor fifth year? Cathy nearly retched into the glassy waters near her. They looked strangely imposing now, signaling warning. She had over-reacted. Now, Caitlin either hated her, felt like Cathy is the idiot, or was feeling sorry for her past statements. She wasn't sure, but she wouldn't give any condolences to Caitlin in the future, if the occasion ever came to pass. Dearly hoping it was the latter of the possible out-comes, Cathy began to pull up grass again, not noticing the bare patches she left.

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

Caitlin watched, calmly, as Catherine screamed at her. She simply shook her hair out of her eyes and waited for the girls tantrum to be thrown. And when it was, Catherine stalked off- like a baby who didn't get what she wanted. She came back shortly, slightly cooled off, but lying through her teeth. Caitlin scoffed and turned her head to look at Catherine; "I'm sorry...but, didn't you say to ignore your behaviour and your actions? I must've misheard you. Your problems are not mine. No matter what house or year or how close we are. If you don't want me to pay any attention to it. I'm not. I don't spew my problems on you, so I don't appreciate you spewing yours on me. And your vision of a Gryffindor is seriously messed up, Catherine. Not all Gryffindors have hearts of gold, hell, half of us run from Slytherins and the other half want to die. We aren't brave. We're as cowardice as possible. And all you see is someone who likes to mind her own business, and you blow a gasket. That also shows Gryffs don't have level heads."

She chewed her bottom lip again. This girl seriously had a hot temper, and she had returned with a faulse apology. Caitlin silently wondered if it was that time of the month for her, but she shoved that thought aside with her next words; "As for what you can do to make it up to me, stop pulling the grass out of the ground. It did nothing to you. And stop lying through your teeth. I would much rather you be honest to me, yell and scream at me, then lie to me. Honesty always better than lying. It tends to hurt less." She narrowed her eyes as she looked at Catherine, "Never apologise for saying what you feel...because, that's like saying sorry for being real. And saying sorry for being real, is like admitting that you aren't yourself..you are someone who follows the crowd. And if anything, that's the worst thing to be. Someone fake." Caitlin tore her gaze away, and forced her eyes to watch the lake again. She continued to chew her bottom lip. Her mind traveled over Catherine's past words, I knew you for five years Caitlin Martinez, yet you don't try to soothe me, empathize, tell me everything will turn out alright. And another thought sprang to mind.

"Besides," She spoke again- breaking the unwelcomed silence, "why lie? How do I know everything will be alright? How do I know that you are going to live a very rich and happy life? How do I know that your life won't go down the drain and you won't end up killing yourself because it's not what you wanted it to be? Why lie to you? Only you can answer those questions with what you do and what are your choices. I can't sit here and tell you lies. If you want me to lie to you, then I will. I'll pat your back and soothe you with soft coos of 'It'll end up okay...you'll get through this...blah blah blah' but if you want the God honest truth, I can't help you with that. Tough. You have to do it. You can't go through life holding onto someones hand. sometimes you have to get out of the black tunnel alone. And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it's there and you can't run from it." Caitlin closed her eyes and let the wind wash over her...sort of rebirthing her. She didn't care if the girl yelled at her again. She wouldn't let it bother her. She was at peace at the moment...too serene to care.

[sammy]

Cathy raised an eyebrow and her temper rose to the heavens. The girl was utterly stupid, completely insolent and ignorant at the world going on around her. Cathy couldn't believe she had met someone worse then Giselle, but this girl could give her twin a run for her money. And that was about the worst insult in the world for anyone Cathy knew. "Perhaps you are so worried about your own actions that you don't feel like trying to help others. I've met people like you before. They're all the same. Ignorant and stupid, hard to tolerate and uncaring. It's easy enough to pick that out of you." Cathy's mood were always swinging, this way and that, never ending. Only when her life was on a road to happiness would it settle down on her normal self. She was already unsure if she would even be able to find her true self. Her eyes turned steely and she glared at Caitlin with such scorn her blue-gray eyes nearly expanded. Giselle's look appeared on Cathy's face and she sneered lazily at Caitlin, almost passing for a Slytherin.

"You really are a frank person, aren't you? Can't you look past words into feelings? I know you have some somewhere....somehow. Not that I care anymore. When I said you shouldn't ask me about it, or talk about it, I really meant it was bothering me and I needed condolence. Of course, you wouldn't know that, would you? People say things for a reason. I know it may be hard for you to think about things, but try to imagine what I'm saying. It's true everywhere, but you probably haven't noticed that either." Cathy wrapped her slender arms around her equally slender legs and tugged them close to her body. "You're right. Gryffindors are really lame anymore. I mean, you're living proof, an example of a horrible Gryffindor. I, however, live with a Slytherin twin - a mirror of myself - and I tolerate her. She's better then you sometimes, and that's something. She doesn't ignore stuff, even people's feelings. You don't see me with a knife to my throat, ready to die because I have to life with hell. You don't see me running from home because my life's one hundred times worse then yours could possibly be." Calmly stated, but the emotion built up behind the words was tremendous. Cathy almost trembled with the weight of it. Her eyes shifted away from Caitlin's for a second, but returned hot as ever on the girl.

"Wow. You could tell I was lying. Good girl. You might just be learning something about life." Cathy said with complete sarcasm, clapping her hands in applaud for Caitlin. She was making Cathy angry and she hated it. Cathy hated being angry, upset or frustrated. She could be as bad as Giselle sometimes, and it was because she had no control. Even she would admit that. She was hurting inside because of what she was saying to Caitlin. She didn't mean all of it, but it would have been better to keep this in her mind and not let it out. She barely knew Caitlin, yet she was insulting her every move, encouraging her to fight back. She wanted it to end. She had to gain some control. She bit her lip - a nasty habit - but soon lost it again. Her mind jumped into action in a fury.

"You disappoint me. Perhaps you aren't as good as I thought you were. Going down hill again." Cathy sighed with false effort, her blond hair falling down gracefully to cover her eyes, giving her an angelic look. "I have no time for lessons, so let's make this brief. Lying can be good for some things. I'm sure you've lied in your life before. Perhaps blamed your sibling on something, for example. Nobody can be pure. I know just by this conversation that you sure aren't." Caitlin's last few words infuriated her so bad, her body nearly shook. Instead, she remained steady and deadly calm, her poise rising to the black sky. "Please, you shouldn't even purpose that I lean on people. I've already crossed through the 'black tunnel,' as you put it. I had no one to lean on through a very tough time. You shouldn't even think that I may be that type of person. Again, it shows how little you know. I have went through that 'tunnel' and five more! Already I've gone through hell, came back, and now I'm looking for my haven. Oh, and don't worry about feeling sorry for 'breaking it to me.' I'd hate to have you show some emotion. I already tried to run from Fate, but you can't. I tried to at age nine! It's an impossible feat! Make a note, child, that I'm the better here. You obviously know nothing. You may think you do, but I have far more experience. I'm more mature then you in more ways then one. Therefore, you are the lesser in this. A child to me. Yet you show no respect, just ignorance and spite. I hate to break it to you, but you really know nothing." Cathy sat back, pleasantly at peace with her words. All true and better then that. The girl before her was a five year old, attempting to make some sort of impression but was having it turn back on her the other way. If Caitlin said something right away, Cathy must have missed it. She didn't care anymore. Cathy was satisfied with all she had said, giving nothing away about her past but making it clear that Caitlin was nothing to her after going through hell.

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

Caitlin smiled sadly and lowered her head; "Poor you..." She said sarcastically. She stood, brushed herself off and turned to stare down at the ground. Tears welled in her eyes but she didn't let them fall. She crossed her arms over her chest; "Poor you! YOU POOR POOR POOR THING! YOU HAVE LIVED A LIFE OF LUXURY AND YOU STILL HAVE PROBLEMS! OH WHAT HORRORS IT MUST BE!" Caitlin chewed her lip again, but let her eyes lock with the girls'. Her stare icy. She didn't want to deal with someone else's problems, no matter how difficult they were. It was hard enough dealing with her own, let alone dealing with her friend's or even mere acquaintances. Caitlin was already to the point of breaking down completely, she didn't need other things added onto that! And if Catherine had to be selfish enough to not see that maybe Caitlin didn't NEED the dwelling of her problems- then maybe Catherine was the moron here, not Caitlin.

Caitlin smiled bemusedly; "I'm in awe, Catherine Dumas. I'm in awe at how you would even dare to want to be like your sister. Which is exactly who you are being. If Giselle is everything you don't want to be...then I suppose you have failed. You are Giselle, and not matter how hard you run from it- you can't escape it. You've demonstrated that just now. No matter where you go, your twin sister will always be a part of you. And if she isn't who you want to be, then tough dragons, right? You can push people around? You can shove people to the point where their feelings and emotions don't matter but others can't do it to you? How conceited could one get? How hypocritical of you! Don't sit there and tell me you're more mature than me! You have no right to say something as intelligent as that! You're a hypocrite...and you will always be one. You aren't your own person, and you can never be. Not if you continue to mirror your sister's image."

She tucked her hair behind her ear, and knelt down to lock eyes with Catherine. Her gaze was unflinching and she watched incredusouly. Just to show her that she was totally serious with what she was going to say next. "So if you want to get over your problems? And you want attention...go kill yourself. Go be a coward. Go harm yourself. Maybe then someone will care." Caitlin pulled a quarter out of her pocket and threw it at Catherine, "So here's a quarter...call someone who might care. Tell them you can't handle life and that by midnight tonight you're going to die. See what their reaction is. I bet you anything...they won't care. Like you said, who could care about someone who was as ignorant and selfish as myself? When in the same way...you are exactly like me. If this situation had been reversed, could you honestly say you would have comforted me for my pain? Probably not, right? I am a freak with a messed up past who doesn't know how to stay happy. I should be admitted into St. Mungos. You would probably smile at me warmly, but only out of pity. Not out of concern. So don't speak to me about caring. Because you in turn don't care at all."

[sammy]

Cathy smirked at Caitlin with ease; the expression was becoming easier to wear. If Giselle saw me right now, she'd probably hug me. Cathy thought with a sinking feeling, but she pushed it away. Determined not to show weakness, Cathy hugged herself tighter and glared at Caitlin with dead eyes. "You should feel pity. But you don't, you don't. No one does. No one cares to know." Cathy trembled. "A life of luxury, you call it? LUXURY! I've never experienced luxury. Sure, I've lived in the biggest house in London, ate the best food in the country, wore the most expensive dresses, but do I look happy to you? Do I look pleased with my life?" She screamed, but she wasn't looking at Caitlin. The lake was calling to her, drawing her in to the icy waters. Cathy shivered and looked at Caitlin, her skin drawn up from days of no sleep. "I'm sorry you can't understand what I'm going through." she said softly, her anger simmering to the boiling point, though she let nothing show. "I wasn't always living in 'luxury.' I used to live in a shack. A poor girl in the bayou back in the Americas. I had no mother, no father. Only a Grandmere. It was luxury then. It truly was." Cathy chocked down a near sob. Caitlin was making her feel horrible about herself. She must have sounded like the world should revolve around her, but it never would. She was the one who always floated away, trying to reach the stars but always slipping harshly back to Earth. Tears built up behind her eyes as Cathy listened to Caitlin's small speech. It pierced her heart, her soul, her pride. She crumbled right before Caitlin's eyes.

"I'm not like my sister. I'm not! I can't be. She's the bad part of me...." Tears streamed down her cheeks silently, refusing to think of herself as Giselle. "You're WRONG!" she nearly screamed at the moon, the stars. Caitlin might as well be invisible to her. "I'm not my sister. Looks don't matter! No! NO! Looks don't matter. What's on the inside does. I'm better then Giselle. I'm better." Faltering now, she stared at Caitlin uncertainly, her face appearing lost like a child. "I'm in Gryffindor, doesn't that matter? She's a Slytherin, she belongs there. I was Sorted in the good place. I'm good. I'm not Giselle!" My worst nightmare was to look in the mirror and see Giselle staring back at me. I was always tempted to destroy my face, dye my hair, make myself look less like Giselle. I was crazy then and I am now too. Cathy was dazed and scared, terrified that Caitlin may be right. If she was to look on the lake's glassy surface, would she see that horrible sneer adorning her features? Would she? "You didn't mean that, did you? Tell me you didn't!" Her tears shone in the moonlight as the fell to the grass. She looked at Caitlin for a moment. The girl came closer and said something completely atrocious.

"Don't be absurd!" She cried, her voice ringing through the night like a bugle. "I wouldn't go to such lengths." Always was I tempted to never wake up in the morning...to go peacefully... Cathy's life had been hell, but it was because of Giselle. Every passing moment the evil twin would back stab with perfect accuracy and Cathy would be left crippled. She wouldn't want to go on. She was a hypocrite. Cathy knew that. She set standards for others that she herself couldn't meet up to. "That's right. I'm a hypocrite! Yeah! Does that make you feel better? Does it? Sure, I admit it, but do you feel better now that you've heard the reply?" Her voice trembled as she stared at Caitlin defiantly, her eyes wide as the tears continued to come. They weren't fake. Never did she cry without a reason. "Like I said before, I have no intentions of killing myself. And no, I won't take your blood money!" Cathy flung the quarter into the water, forgetting that Caitlin might have wanted it back. As it sunk to the bottom, Cathy's mind erupted in pain and revulsion. At least she proved she wasn't Giselle. Giselle would except a quarter without thought, let alone a hundred dollars. "Wrong again! People would care. I have a family. Giselle would even care. You however, would think it a relief that I won't ever talk to you again, that you won't ever see me cry like this..." She sniffed and tried with modesty to wipe the tears away. The flow stopped slowly. "I wouldn't smile out of pity. That shows that you don't know me. I wouldn't jump to conclusions if I were you. If this had been reversed, I would have comforted you, asked what exactly was wrong and attempted to find a solution. Everything else you said may be right to some extent, but this is wrong. I do care, people do care. I just didn't care about you because.... I thought you didn't care about me!" She lifted her tear-streaked face to Caitlin to stare straight into her eyes. "Is that true? Do you really not care about me? Or, will you think of me as the girl who was crazy, insane and a hypocrite?"

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

((Forgive the delay. I haven't been up to par to post, and I'm afraid this post might not be all that it could be. I'm terribly terribly sorry.))

She watched as Catherine broke down completely, and then went on a whole thing about how she wasn't Giselle and how she would have comfoted Caitlin. Caitlin rolled her eyes with a soft scoff; "What if I didn't want your comfort? Haven't you thought that maybe you butting into my own personal affairs is something I would rather you not do? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to be the subject of your help?" How sad was this girl? To think that just because there was something going on in Caitlin's life, that necessarily meant she wanted guidance from a complete stranger. She was right, Caitlin didn't know the girl. And frankly she didn't want to. If she had she would have gone to her and reached out to her years ago. But she hadn't. Therefore she did not make an effort to befriend her. Caitlin simply wasn't interested. It wasn't anything personal toward the girl. Caitlin chose select people who she found worthy of her time. Amelia Richardson for example, would always be her best-friend. No matter what she did. Yet, Catherine took it personally. And she found herself to be selfish about it.

By now, Catherine had finished her mild rant and she had asked Caitlin a rather serious question. Caitlin shrugged; "Would it matter? Honestly. If I told you I could care less what happened to you, would your world stop turning? Is my love and friendship that much to you? Or is it just the idea that it's possible that someone out there doesn't care? Would it tear you up inside, knowing that I don't give a rat's butt about what happens to you or what you become later on in life? Does my opinion really matter that much to you, or are you just so self-absorbed that the thought that someone really doesn't care, makes you want to lie down and die?" Caitlin bet it was the second one. She flicked her bangs out of her eyes and continued to watch Catherine. She wanted desperately to leave, to run away from here. Why was that she couldn't go one night without drama? Or some form of confrontation from someone? She was cursed...it was definitely a curse. She looked at Catherine again and sighed with a shiver up her spine.

"You can't let your life stop because someone doesn't care. The point is, do you care enough to continue? Do the opinions of everyone else really matter to you? Are you really that shallow, to care what other people think?" She hated people like that. Shallow, conceited, and superficial people. She hated how fake they were. How alien they could be. Caitlin would stare at herself in the mirror sometimes and wonder if in reality she was one of them. But the thought wouldn't stay long. She was too emotional to be one of them. They could never be as she was. So there was no way she was one of them to begin with. No possible way.

[sammy]

Cathy blinked and wiped the tears away, making all her pitiful feelings leave no trace on her pale face. Breathing in deeply, Catherine gazed at Caitlin. "No, that's wrong," Cathy began with a shaking tremble. Her voice grew stronger as she continued. "I was the one who needed help before. I was the one who wanted you to butt into my personal affairs. Maybe to help me where I can't seem to find a solution. I never made a move to go into your personal affairs. Never. I was the one who suggested a helping hand, yet you were too wrapped up in your own problems you couldn't even give me a second glance. I know some problems take all your power, but if you can't make room in your heart for other people, then it must be awfully small and selfish."

She eyed Caitlin reproachfully as the girl began asking all these questions that really had nothing to result in her. Cathy smiled gently, determined to be herself and not Giselle ever again. "Perhaps you don't understand me. I care about your opinion as much as I care for anyone else. I respect it too. I won't slap you if you say I'm a pitiful girl with sad notions and a selfish heart. I won't attack you, stab you for honestly saying what you thought of me. I respect people like that, but you are seemingly determined to make me seem a horrible person. I'm sorry you can't search farther inside me for the great part of me, but some people are like that. It's not only you." Cathy's smile faded on her face. Nothing returned in it's place. Idly, she played with the end of her jeans. Her blue-gray eyes never left Caitlin's, though they showed great remorse and regret.

"Yes. I do care very much about people's opinions and thoughts. I'm not shallow, I'm full. I respect other people's thoughts, but I stick with my own honest thoughts that control my body. No one controls my thoughts, although I do allow everyone else to see them some time or another. I may sound thick, yes, but I care enough about people's opinions that I will listen to them respectfully. I will not let them rule my mind and dominate my peace however." Her voice was strong and nearly defiant as she faced Caitlin. The girl was thinking about everything wrong, bad, and horrible about her. Some of it may be true, but she did have a good side too. Cathy smiled at Caitlin; the first true smile she had given to Caitlin the whole night beside the greeting grin. Somberly, her eyes followed Caitlin's every move. "I may be pessimistic, but you are far worse then I. Perhaps you should start looking at the bright side of things, instead of looking for the tarnish. I know I'm a hypocrite, but I myself am trying to become a better person. Maybe you should too." Her voice was gentle, not angry and upset. She was done with that. What she had done before was pitiful, and she was ashamed of being so cruel.