Sitting On The Outside Looking In ((Friends))

[Mary Evans]

Mary sat at the desk twirling a long strand of hair around her finger again and again. How it had happened she didn’t know and, quite frankly, she didn’t think she wanted to. Her universe was off its axis and she couldn’t find a grip. Mary felt like her world was but a flat map, which was being slowly tipped over, and nobody else could tell. Everybody around her seemed to be adjusting to this invisible change and Mary was left behind searching for something to hold onto. She had found several handholds but they had all broken; the shards still lay around her, shattered into a million pieces.

Lost and alone she sat there doing nothing but playing with her hair for nearly an hour. She had come into this empty classroom in order to study away from everybody else and their mindless chatter but now that was all she craved. She wished to be surrounded by the crowd if only to distract herself from the feeling of emptiness that sat in the pit of her stomach.

Looking down at the textbook in front of her Mary read the passage over for the sixth time. She mumbled the words as she read them but it was useless, none of it sank in this time either. She picked up her wand and directed it at the board intending to draw something to amuse herself but nothing came to mind. Dropping the wand Mary let her head fall to the desk and her hair cover her face. Then she sat there, face covered, head resting, and tears stinging in her eyes.

[dana]

Dana was looking for some quiet place where to practice Transfiguration at, as she had gotten annoyed in the Ravenclaw common room. So now Dana was stalking down the hallways, looking for an empty classroom. She opened the first door she came to, but closed it as soon as she had opened it, when she discovered a couple snogging in there.
Dana hook her head, wondering if the couple really couldn’t find a bit more private place, where everybody wouldn’t keep stumbling on them.

Opening the next class-room Dana smiled. She would recognize that blond hair from anywhere. Mary was practically Dana’s best friend, after her cousin, who Dana also counted as her brother and soul-mate.
But Mary was close – the two girls didn’t get a chance to meet very often because of the different time-tables and Dana had a lot more to learn, having O.W.L.s coming up in a couple of months, but none the less Dana considered Mary a sister and that wouldn’t change no matter what.

Dana frowned a little seeing that Mary’s face was hidden and her head resting on the table. Entering quietly, Dana closed the door, so not any curious glance would see Mary – Dana knew how important Mary’s pride was for her.
“Hey, honey,” Dana greeted touching Mary’s shoulder gently. Mary was usually up and never let it show to just anyone, when she actually was down or confused, so Dana knew something important was up.

[Mary Evans]

Mary grimaced as she heard the door opening and burying her head further hoped whoever it was would go away. She was startled though as a hand was placed on her shoulder and Dana’s comforting voice greeted her. Dana was Mary’s second best friend and like a sister to her. Kris had to be Mary’s best friend but that was likely just because they were both in Slytherin and so found it easier to hang out in the common room where Mary found herself spending more and more of her time recently; plus Mary had always just been more comfortable with guys.

Lifting her head Mary saw with bleary eyes that Dana was indeed next to her and gave her friend a weak smile. “Hey there” Mary responded in a small voice her mother had taught her never to use. She said it showed poor character to speak so softly when in an informal conversation. It spoke of low self-esteem and uncertainty; both characteristics not tolerated in an Evans.

Wiping the tears from her eyes Mary closed her textbook and pushed it aside. Underneath was a sheet of paper on which Mary had scribbled her thoughts in an effort to clear her mind. “On the outside looking in; can you revive me once again? I'm lost, confused, alone, and falling. I just need you there to catch me; but you won’t be. I know you won’t be and you can't be and I don't expect it to turn out any other way. I can feel myself falling once again and I hate this familiar dark pit I see below me.

Do you mean what you say or are you just playing? Please don't let me slip. I'm hanging by a thread and no one can tell. Everyone else is flat on their feet and the shards of my former handholds lay scattered around me broken in a million pieces. How can I survive this pit once again? I don't even remember how I got out the first time; I don't think I ever fully did.

One notch after another the wheel is slowly bringing me lower; ever slowly. Why is it doing this to me? So slowly I can't even feel it but I sure see the results around me. My walls are crumbling and long ago my mask cracked. I stand here exposed with my last line of defence falling to the ground and there is nothing I can do. So here I am approaching the land; please be merciful. Can you save me? I seriously doubt it…” the paper read and Mary was quick to fold it and shove it back under the text book. “So what’s up?” she asked Dana in as casual a manner as she could knowing she would not get off that easy.

[dana]

Dana blinked as Mary’s answered in a small voice. This wasn’t like her friend at all, so Dana slipped into a seat opposite Mary, all plans about studying and practicing already forgotten. Despite being a Ravenclaw, friends came first for Dana. And this was a sister, not a friend. Seeing Mary wipe her tears away, Dana frowned. She hated it when her friends were down.
“Alright, what happened? Who I’ll have to kill because of bringing you down?” Dana asked with fire blazing in her eyes. She has harder to tick off than Kris and Mary, but should the need arise Dana could be just as stubborn and dangerous.

Dana watched as Mary closed her text-book and managed to catch the beginning of the scribble on the paper, before Mary quickly folded it and pushed it away.
‘On the outside looking in; can you revive me once again? I'm lost, confused, alone, and falling. I just need you there to catch…’
Dana let the words ran through her mind and leaned back in her chair, wondering what the rest had been.
“Why did you hide it? I would have liked to read it to the end – liked the beginning. Didn’t really think you were that good with a quill – it’s an intriguing beginning,” Dana said with surprisingly calmness in her voice as she nodded towards the text-book under where Mary had hidden the scrap of paper, “And you know I’m just a short owl-flight away when ever you need anyone, so feel free to use me as a shield whenever. I consider you as a sister, so you won’t get rid of my that easily. And I have a pretty good hand in charms, so I could probably slow your fall with a ‘Wingardium Leviosa’ or a cushioning charm.”<br>Dana’s words were light as she took in Mary’s bit ragged appearance: “Awesome try with the casual voice, but I already saw that you’re down, so you won’t get off that easily. What happened?”<br>

[Mary Evans]

Mary giggled as Dana asked who she would have to kill for hurting her. “Its nothing like that don't worry; no murder required. Life just generally sucks; nobody made it that way.” Mary joked with an attempt at a grin.

She thought she had hid the paper fast enough but apparently not; Dana began about her writing. “Didn’t think I was that good with a quill? You thought what then? That I couldn’t write? Or even that I'm illiterate?” Mary then blew up the innocent statement though she was truly flattered. She was trying to pick a fight in order to save herself from having to discuss the real issue. She did move the textbook though so the folded paper sat there exposed. Mary neither made a move to remove it or hand it to Dana; she just left it there for Dana to decide whether to take it or not. She simply looked down as Dana continued saying she was an owl away. Mary of course knew that but Dana knew Mary would never ask for help; especially if she was in serious emotional pain.

After her failed attempt at a casual voice Dana finally asked the question Mary was most avoiding; what happened? “Well… I don't really know. Kamron said that the changing of the seasons is throwing everyone off and I think it’s just that. I'm really fine Dana its just… doesn’t it feel like everything is changing? I feel like everything is changing and I can't adjust and… everybody else already has.” She finished weakly looking down.

[dana]

“I know you could write, I just didn’t really know you had the making of an awesome writer,” Dana corrected Mary’s words calmly as she reached over and snatched away the paper, Mary had uncovered. Dana knew that Mary would never hand it to her so she could read it and that uncovering the short writing would be the best Mary would for her.
Unfolding the paper Dana started to read, keeping her expression calm, even though inside she was wondering what might make Mary feel this way?

Finishing the short text, Dana placed the piece of paper back on the table and tilted her head to send a small smile at Mary: “’In a pit’. Honey, if you ever end up in a pit, I’ll either drag you out myself or jump after you. No way you are getting away fro me that easily. I consider you as a sister and I can’t think of anything that will ever change that.” Dana had said that with her eyes firmly locked with Mary’s green ones, not bothering to hid any emotions. The words were completely sincere.
“I’m glad no murder is required though. Prison robes would look horrifying on me,” Dana commented after a moment of thought.

“Changing of the seasons. And I don’t really know Kamron, but if you think so,” Dana didn’t start to argue, even though Dana herself didn’t really believe in it. Even though she herself was also more lively at spring and summer, but Dana always thought that was because it was warmer then and she could spend more time outside: “And I don’t want you to adjust, if it means you’ll change too much. You are perfect as it is. But everything changing…” Dana turned her head and looked out of the window, pondering about it. She knew the feeling – Dana has hard to bring down, but eve she had her bad moments, when she felt alone and scared and cold. The feeling that everybody else moved on happily and you yourself were left behind and you just couldn’t keep up.
Dana closed her eyes and sighed: “I don’t really know what to say. But I agree that there is so much going on right now that I can’t keep up with it all either.”<br>

[Mary Evans]

Mary watched as Dana read her scribble, the knot in her stomach tightening. Mary seldom wrote and when she did it was usually just as this was, a sincere scribble of her basic thoughts and feelings. She gave Dana a weak smile as she mentioned not letting Mary fall in or even dragging her out of the pit; Mary knew there was nothing Dana could do about it but didn’t feel like debating. Truth was nobody could do anything to keep her safe from this particular pit; the damage was already done. She did giggle as Dana mentioned prison robes looking awful on her. “You, my dear Dana, could look nothing but stunning no matter what you wear.” She said to her friend sincerely with a grin hoping to shift the conversation.

It was to little avail though because Dana continued speaking about all the changes going on and how she felt that too. “And I don’t want you to adjust, if it means you’ll change too much. You are perfect as it is.” Dana said to her and Mary gave her a little giggle. “Well yes I am perfect but… too much perfection is a bad thing… some change wouldn’t be too bad.” She said with a grin. She knew it was a fib of course; it was a joke so it was allowed to be, but Mary knew she had to change one way or another. She knew she wasn’t happy in the place she was for some reason so she had no choice but to change. That was a huge part of her confusion, what did she need to change? Of course Mary knew she wasn’t happy but she hadn’t the faintest as to what was causing her to feel like that.

She listened distractedly as Dana finished talking by stating that she was having trouble keeping up and Mary gave her a small smile. “Would it really be so awful… if I changed? I mean what if I were very different from how I am not… would it change things between us? Could you understand if I need to make some adjustments? Could everyone else?” Mary thought out loud before remembering she was in the middle of a conversation. “Not that I am going to of course” she told Dana with a smile “just curios.” She finished hoping she looked more calm than she felt.

[dana]

Dana smiled at Mary, as she complimented her looks and agreed with the joke about her being perfect. Than Dana settled into the thought of Mary’s question. It must have something big, when Mary asked if her changing would change things between the two. Would it change? Dana tried to imagine her future without Mary – her second best friend in the whole world and couldn’t really do it. So when she answered Mary’s question, the answer was sincere and as honest as it could be: “Change and enjoy it as much as you can just as long as you don’t forget me. As for changing things between us? I consider us sisters, although we don’t have the same blood. So until you come after me with one of the Unforgivable curses – nothing will change between us from my point of view.”<br>
Dana tried to arrange the words in her head to a better line before continuing: “If you change, then do it for yourself and yourself only. And change so you’d be happy. But no matter what happens, I will stick by your side. And if you are worried about turning into a mean Slytherin and scaring me off.” Dana waved that possibility off with ease, “Have you noticed that all my best friends are Slyhterins, although I believe in everybody being equal. But even if you change into the stereo-typically mean Slytherin, that won’t mean you’ll get rid of me.”<br>
“Too many feelings,
too few words.
Everything has already been said out loud,
all words are known by heart.
Listen me from my eyes.
Hear my thoughts,
my heart, my soul.
Forget the words you learned,
listen to the truth of my eyes more than the lies of my tongue,”<br>Dana recited quietly. Maybe the words weren’t enough right now to show exactly how important Mary was to her, but Dana would do all she could for Mary when ever the need would arise. Dana smiled and concentrated her eyes back on Mary and repeated herself: “Nothing will change between us, whether you change or not.”<br>

[kris]

Kris had just gotten out of the shower, so his hair was dripping the back of his blouse uncomfortably wet, so the Slytehrin green silk blouse with small silvery vines crawling over the collar and cuffs was starting to get stuck to Kris’s back. Kris didn’t really bother to dry his hair though – why bother, if it was going to dry naturally as well anyway.
Strolling down the hallways Kris was rather bored so he stepped into some random classroom and grinned widely seeing the two occupants of the room.

“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite girls in the whole world here,” Kris greeted Mary and Dana with a grin as he closed the door behind him and entered the room, glancing at the rather serious faces of the two pretty, smart and in his opinion complete perfect women, who Kris counted as his sisters.
“Anything wrong?” Kris asked with a hint of worry in his tone. He would do practically anything for both Mary and Dana and seeing both of them down… Kris felt it was wrong, as the girls should be happy, smiling and breaking some guys hearts out there, while not getting hurt themselves.

“Do I need to prepare a shallow grave for anyone?” Kris asked once again stepping forward and sitting on a table with a frown, “Or maybe the animals in the Forbidden Forest would appreciate a free meal.”<br>

[Mary Evans]

Mary listened with a small smile as Dana assured her that things could never change between them. She looked up in shock though as Dana mentioned Mary becoming the cliché Slytherin and simply glared at her friend for a moment speechless. Dana didn’t seem to notice and continued on speaking as Mary continued to glare. As Dana finished speaking though Mary looked at her astonished. “You really think I'm capable of that?” she asked in low tone that showed she was trying to keep her temper in check. “Come on Dana you of all people know me better than that. You know I would never spew that stuff like my mother does.” Mary continued her voice rising with every syllable.

As soon as she had finished speaking Mary got up from her seat and began pacing the room not able to look at Dana she was so upset. Mary was hurt and extremely angry that Dana thought her capable, sure she hadn’t exactly been Mary Sunshine lately but… that does NOT[/b] mean she could do… that. Using her wand Mary picked up a desk and tossed it across the room. She smirked at the loud bang it made and watched the splinters fly everywhere; it did not eliminate her fury but it did diminish it slightly.

Turning back to Dana Mary didn’t know what to say but it didn’t matter because the door opened at that moment. She glowered at it until the person stepped in and greeted them warmly; “Well, if it isn’t my two favourite girls in the whole world here” Kris said and Mary smirked at him. He asked if there was anything wrong, likely put off by Mary’s not running to jump on his back, and he too questioned whether or not someone must meet an early demise.

“Oh no, things are just peachy. Dana here was just telling me that should I become an ill tempered, pureblood propagandist she will love me anyways; isn’t that sweet of her?” Mary asking in a sickly sweet voice that emphasised her frustration. Saying it out loud made the initial pain come back and Mary flicked her wand yet again. This time though instead of a desk going flying all of her books were tossed about the room. Mary then plopped down into another seat away from the pair glaring at them, daring them to tell her she’s being irrational.

[dana]

Dana smiled at Kris as he entered and greeted them rather happily. He showed such emotion probably only because Mary and Dana were the only ones in the room – Kris wouldn’t have cared much for anyone else.
Dana turned her attention back to Mary and let her rant out without bothering to say a word, knowing they would be lost to Mary’s ears until she calmed down a little or ranted out some of her frustration.
Dana ducked out of the way of a piece of wood that had came loose from one of the tables Mary had slammed into the wall and caught one of the books flying towards her theftly.

“You have to show me how you got that burst of speed into that levitation spell to make the tables crash into the walls with such speed,” Dana commented dryly before grinning, “Guess my words did sound a bit off, didn’t they? I know you are way too original to ever do anything like that. I know you well enough to know you can take care of yourself better than most other people, so I trust your judgement completely. So whatever you do or how you change- things won’t change between us.”<br>
Dana tilted her head and grinned at Mary, who was looking irritated and as if waiting for someone to tell her about behaving as a proper young lady. Dana certainly wasn’t going to do that, as she acted much the same from time to time as well.
“Which reminds me. Can you suggest some good shop or a tailor for me here in England? I wanted to get a nice gown. Bougth one, but it still wasn’t exactly what I wanted, so I’ll buy an other one,” Dana asked Mary, recalling the problem she had been thinking about for a couple of days as she knew Mary had impeccable taste.

[Mary Evans]

Mary was ready to send something else flying as Dana asked how she the burst of speed after her levitation spell so calmly. Mary settled for continuing to throw daggers with her eyes though not at all amused by Dana’s jest. Dana then began speaking seriously again ‘blah, blah, blah, blah, blah’ Mary thought to herself while listening to Dana’s attempt to pacify her.

Mary simply continued to glare at the pair and didn’t reply at all until Dana began to speak once more. In an attempt to change the subject Dana had asked if Mary knew any good tailors in England. “I usually just get the house elves to do it since they already know how I like things but if you want a real witch you can try 'Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasion' in Diagon Alley. She knows what she’s doing.” Mary said apathetically still staring at Dana. If looks could kill Dana would most certainly be dead ten times over from Mary’s glare.

[dana]

“’Madam Malkins’ didn’t really have anything I wanted last time I checked. But maybe I should do it again,” Dana pondered staring into space for a moment, “There is also that small detail that I don’t even know myself what kind of a dress I want.”<br>Dana grinned at Mary’s glare and tilted her head: “You know glares don’t work on me. Well, actually Dumbeldore’s works. And Meredith’s. And maybe McGonagall and Snape could have effect on me as well. But not glares sent towards me by friends.”<br>
Standing up Dana shrugged off her cloak and stretched lazily, before doing some warm-ups exercise. It was not as much as Dan was going to start a work-out any time soon, but she was feeling a bit stiff. And if she was going to learn for a couple of hours for the O.W.L.s then she would have to get rid of the stiffness in her body before burying herself in books once more.

[kris]

Kris kept silent as Mary and Dana argued a little, ducking out of the way of a book. Wondering briefly what caused the argument, Kris still knew better not to try to interfere. Neither Mary or Dana wouldn’t have any problems having his head, so Kris was quiet, stood back and tried to stay out of the range of attention.

As Dana stood out and stretch Kris decided that it was time to run for it.
“We both trust you Mary, what ever you do, but right now I think I’ll leave you two girls alone for my own safety. I’ve learned that getting in between of two angry woman is more dangerous than a herd of tramping dragons running towards you, so I’ll see you both later,” Kris flashed a grin towards the girls, and slipped through the door to which he had been retreating to while he was still speaking.

Being safely in the hallway Kris shook his head. She loved both Dana and Mary very dearly and would do anything for them…. But sometimes Kris just didn’t understand what on earth might be going on in any girl’s head.