A mental Breakdown ((Caiest's friends))

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest walked out into the courtyard in a sort of daze. Something one of the slytherins who took immense pleasure in torturing her had said was really starting to get to her. She had been in the library as usual trying to escape from the unwanted interactions of most people. Unfortunately one of her Slytherin 'Friends' Happened to be in the same exact place. He had taunted her and teased her. Both of which Caiest was able to ignore completely. It wasn't until he had started saying things that she had been thinking did it start to get bad. He had said things like the reason she only had three friends was because everyone else could see her for the freak she was. That her friends weren't really her friends just people who took pity on her. He'd said that she was ugly just plain and ordinary and that she'd never amount to anything. That her parents were gone so much because they couldn't take having a daughter as horrible as she was. It was at about this time that Caiest had enough and started to walk out. At which point the boy had called her a coward.

Caiest had to fight to hold back tears as she walked. Crying was not something she could do. It was weak, stupid, and pointless. No she wouldn't let herself cry not in front of people not at all. She tried to tell herself that he was wrong but only one thing was running through her mind as she made her way over to an available bench. What if he's right? It repeated in her brain like some sort of demented mantra. What if he's right?

[dana]

Dana strolled down the hallways of Hogwarts happily. Thanks to a rather… unfortunate… occurring in Potions in the previous class – Dana was sure she would see the loss of house-points soon enough to see what house had caused it – but on any case it meant Dana had the next period free. It most certainly was good enough reason to cheer her up. More time for revising now. Glancing out of the window Dana grinned – on second thought – forget revising for OWLs. This free period would be spent lounging around.

Moving towards the courtyard Dana arched an eye-brow – she hadn’t expected to run into Caiest here. Calling for her friend Dana frowned when she didn’t receive any outward sign that she had heard her, even though she was close enough to be most certianly heard. Picking up her speed Dana smiled and threw a quick sorry over her shoulder when she almost slammed into some random guy passing as she caught up with Caiest.

“Hey, girl,” one glance at Caiest’s face and Dana frowned. Something was most certainly not alright. Knowing that her friend probably wouldn’t want to display her problems – and she appeared to be having one – to the whole school, Dana grabbed her elbow and pulled her along to a bit more private bench.
“So – who do I have to kill? No wait, not kill. Prison robes – especially in Azkaban – would look absolutely horrendous on me. But I could manage a couple of good curses on whoever got you so down,” Dana said trying to cheer Caiest up a little while wanting to know what was wrong. Smiling a little at Caiest Dana waited for her response.

((Hope, I'm allowed to join ))

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

((Of course you're allowed to join.))

Caiest jumped as she heard Dana greet her. She hadn't heard Dana come up at all. She must have been more out of it then she realized. "Hey." She said forcing herself to smile. She was a bit surprised as Dana took her elbow and dragged her off to a different bench. When Dana asked who she'd have to kill Caiest's face fell. She hadn't wanted to let everyone know that something was wrong. Apparently she was more transparent then she'd thought. She did smile however weakly as Dana said that prison robes would look horrible on her. "You're right you wouldn't look good in prison robes." Caiest said sitting down on the bench. "As for who got me down it's nothing I'm just in a mood and it'll pass eventually." She said trying to convince her friend that nothing was wrong so that she wouldn't worry or see her break down.

[dana]

Dana narrowed her eyes towards Caiest took a sit, after trying to claim she was alright. Placing her bag on the bench next to her, Dana seated herself on the ground, smoothing her skirt calmly: “You do know I am used to the company of Slytherins, who are considered the best people in shielding their thoughts and emotions. My grand-mother was a Slytherin and she is counted one of the best in shielding her thoughts from the world. Yes, I can read Meredith and a lot of Slytherin I know without much problems. I have learned reading people from the best there are.” And Dana was good in this skill. It was almost as much instinct that told her when something was wrong, than the ability to read people. A very useful skill actually.

Letting her head fall back, Dana leaned on her hand and smiled up a small blue bloom and tucking it behind her ear: “With your face falling like that and you being so down, there is no possibility I believe something’s not troubling you.”<br>Smiling almost cockily Dana pulled her bag closer and pulled out a pear pushing the still opened bag towards Caiest: “There should be more pears and some apples in there. Help yourself.”<br>Biting into the juicy fruit Dana grinned with satisfaction and enjoyed the taste. Swallowing Dana grinned towards Caiest: “But even if you really are ‘just out of mood’ then you are stuck with me anyway, until you are ‘in the mood again’. I’ll take that privilege to myself as a friend and egocentrically think I might make your mood improve quicker.”<br>

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest looked like she was in a state of shock. She had become a very good liar when it came to her emotions, it came from doing it all the time. She had come to rely on that defence mechanism to keep others out and now in less then one minute that wall she had up to keep her emotions from showing had come crashing down around her. Everything she had worked so hard to build up had been seen through by Dana who apparently had practice in seeing through defences such as hers. Not only that but Dana basically said that it wasn't hard to see through it. That one comment was like adding insult to injury. Caiest was at a loss for words. Her one defence was shattered and she didn't have a back up plan. Should she tell Dana what was wrong that she wasn't sure she trusted Cassandra, Tristan and her not to betray her? Should she reveal to Dana that she was afraid of being left alone or should she just insist nothing was wrong. She wasn't sure if she should walk away and hope Dana wouldn't pursue the subject or if she should tell her everything and risk breaking down. Caiest took the offered pear and looked at it trying to decide. She opened her mouth to talk but froze up. The fact of the matter was she didn't know how to talk to people not really talk it wasn't something she'd ever had to do. Rather then stand there with her mouth hanging open Caiest rammed the pear into her mouth taking a huge bite. Now she couldn't talk since she was eating the pear.

[dana]

Dana eyed Caiest calmly. What was it that was troubling the younger girl? She was unnaturally quiet – well, Caiest wasn’t to bubbly with words all the time, but this was quiet even for her. And staring at a pear, as if it was the biggest wonder in the world, didn’t really fit in with what Dana knew of her. Caiest always had a witty come-back, so why not now?
“I’m afraid I don’t have any life lengthening potion in that pear, “Dana said with a grin as Caiest finally bit into the pear, “But it has carbonhydes and vitamins and whatever else, so it is useful. And food is necessary for life. Even though personally I’m not quite sure yet whether I eat to live or live to eat.”<br>Dana winked at Caiest – Dana’s appetite was always laughed at by her friends. On a good day she could almost challenge Crabbe and Goyle at the amounts of foods eaten at one meal. Luckily it never showed on her figure.

Even though Dana’s words had been mean for amusement and therefore had been easy-going, her mind had been far from jokes. It was hard to get Caiest down, so Dana was going to get to the bottom of this.
Her eyes narrowing towards Caiest Dana moved herself, so they were sitting side by side: “But letting jokes to the side. What happened, Caiest? I hate seeing you so down. I’m sure it’s not worth all the trouble you seem to think it is. Tell me – maybe I can help you in some way.”<br>

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

((Sorry it took so long to post))

Caiest smiled however weakly at Dana's joke about eating to live or living to eat. She knew Dana loved food. Caiest personally didn't eat much she was averaging one meal a day. Luckily no one seemed to notice or if they did they left her alone about it. Caiest continued to eat the pear chewing while thinking. Didn't Dana know that talking about what was bothering her was not something Caiest did well. She was one to push everything back until it either went away or resulted in a mental breakdown. Luckily for her she hadn't had a mental breakdown in years and she certainly wasn't going to allow one to happen now. Not in front of Dana not at all.

Caiest looked away when Dana asked her to tell her what was wrong that she could help. However Dana was part of the problem. How do you tell your friends that you're afraid they're just being nice to you out of pity? How do you tell someone you can't trust them because you're afraid of getting hurt? Caiest debated just leaving getting up and going off somewhere by herself to work through it in privacy. She doubted Dana would allow it though. There had to be a way to tell Dana what was wrong without actually saying what was wrong. Caiest stopped eating the pear and looked at Dana. "It's really nothing just something stupid some Slytherin said. I accidentally let it get to me but I'll be okay now." She said forcing a smile upon her face.

[dana]

Dana’s eyes narrowed as she eyed Caiest. She had a feeling that the problem was deeper than she showed, but Dana was facing a dilemma. She should try and help her friend. On the other hand she had always been thought that one should show a happy face to the world and worry alone or with family. Was it even Dana’s place to budge in on this?
“As a kid I went to a usual elementary school. Meredith and Julian thought that it would be good preparation for life. But in school I was often picked upon for being different and never having someone over – well, I couldn’t really call muggles to a magical household, but still. I was picked on because of that. It was good preparation in the way that I did make some friends over time but more valuable lesson was to tell people to bugger off. You can never be liked by everyone, so who cares about those you don’t like either? Your friends take you as you are and love you, those who aren’t your friends can get lost and worry about themselves.”

Dana sopped and chewed thoughtfully on her pear while tilting her head thoughtfully: “Did it even make any sense? Meh, who cares.” Dana sent a very sad look towards her pear. Or actually where the pear had been in her hand. Pushing her lower lip out Dana put on a full-time pout: “My pear disappered. Think I could blame aliens for stealing it?”

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest listened to Dana as she explained about her childhood. Caiest could relate the whole going to a muggle elementary school and not having friends. Never having anyone over because everyone regarded you as a freak. She could also relate to the learning how to tell people to bugger off if you had a problem. Caiest had been doing that for as long as she could remember. Of course it wasn't because she could care less about what people thought of her like Dana suggested. It was the exact opposite for her. Most people wouldn't guess this about Caiest but she did care what people thought of her. She cared a lot. She hated it as a child when people called her names or avoided her because she was odd. It was the entire reason she had closed herself off from people. The only reason she hadn't wanted friends. She figured if she didn't go out of her way to make friends then she wouldn't want them. Truth was it didn't work. No matter what she did she wanted friends and she wanted people to care. Perhaps that's why when the boy made fun of her she let it get to her.

Caiest was on the verge of tears at the moment. She wanted to cry to let Dana know she wasn't some emotionless freak like most people seemed to think. At the same time she couldn't let herself. When Dana asked if she could blame her missing pear on Aliens Caiest lost it. She started to laugh and laugh like she wouldn't stop. She wasn't even sure why she was laughing so hard. It wasn't that funny only when she tried to stop she started laughing harder. She laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes then the laughter turned to crying. She couldn't help herself she had lost control and she began to sob silent tears. Everything she had been bottling up came to her thoughts in one giant blow. Caiest couldn't suppress them anymore. Her fears that she didn't have friends. That her friends would betray her like Pyro. The entire ordeal with Pyro blackmailing her to his new found friends. How she never saw her parents anymore. How her parents hadn't even visited her on her birthday. Everything she had kept locked away came back and Caiest couldn't help but cry. The harder she tried to push everything away the harder she tried to stop crying the more she did. "I'm Sorry." She managed to say to Dana between sobs.

[dana]

Caiest started laughing at the pear comment and Dana smiled. At least she smiled now. Even though the comment hadn’t been that awfully funny. But son the tears of laughter in her eyes changed into real tears. With one swift movement Dana was sitting on the bench to Caiest as she placed her hand on her shoulder. Caiest muttered that she was sorry and Dana scowled at her.
“Now stop that. It doesn’t hurt to cry from time to time – in a way it’s relaxing and only I’m here to see it, right? So you don’t have to worry about anyone else hearing about it, but stop being sorry,” Dana said sternly pulling out some tissues from her bag and offering them to Caiest, “It’s only good to let some strain out sometimes. I do it sometimes and no one will call me a cry-baby because of it.”

Dana rubbed Caiest’s back gently, hoping to calm her a bit. Dana usually managed to collapse on Kris’s shoulder like that and Kris always let her cry as long as Dana cried. Sometimes he sang to her, sometimes he just spoke of whatever and for Dana it worked. Having never been good at comforting others, Dana chose the same route, as she continued speak with a soft murmur guessing that Caiest wouldn’t appreciate her singing really.
“Besides it’s not like you are crying my blouse wet and even if you did that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I would just borrow one of your blouses when I need a pretty one some day. Or I can let you listen to how I whine and panic and go into hysterics or talk as some goofy ditz when I meet some guy who will charm my knees weak. Trust me – you get the harder task on the whole, but I’m onot even going to be sorry for it. That’s what you get for letting me whine to you and be around you and being my friend. And I can whine to the end of the world as you should know already.”

Letting Caiest cry in peace Dana just talked practically nonsense and gave Caiest all the time in the world to calm down. SheThey would talk, but later. Right now Caiest needed to calm a little. Dana was sure that whatever it was, it wasn’t half as terrible as Caiest made it out to be.

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

After what seemed like forever Caiest finally managed to calm down a little more. She stopped crying and took the tissues Dana offered her. She felt a little better after wiping her eyes and blowing her nose but at the same time she felt like an idiot. It had been a long time since she'd cried a very long time indeed. In fact generally Caiests control on matters like this was extremely good. It seemed she was long overdue for a mental breakdown because that indeed was what Caiest just had. Wadding the tissues up into a ball Caiest looked over at Dana. She felt like a complete idiot going into hysterics like that. She did feel a little better knowing that Dana didn't mind. She had said so herself while she had been crying. Dana probably didn't realize it but she had been listening to everything she said even while crying. It had meant a lot to her that she didn't call her a stupid cry baby. It also meant a lot that she called her her friend. That Caiest would have to listen to her cry as well. "Thanks." She said.

[dana]

Dana smiled lightly as Caiest took the tissues and tried to clean herself up. At least she looked a bit calmer now. “Wasn’t hard really. You did all the crying, so,” Dana said hooking a finger under Caiests chin and raising her face so she could look straight into her eyes for a moment. Looking at her eyes and face searchingly Dana clicked her tongue thoughtfully.
“If I don’t pay any attention to the eye-liner you smudged, then you even look a bit better now. It’s always good to get tension out sometimes,” Dana concluded diving head-first into her bag once again to find some Kleenex to take off the smudged eye-liner. Handing them to Caiest as well, Dana leaned comfortably to the arm-rest of the bench and curled one leg under her while stretching the other out, “But you most certainly won’t get away with telling me you are absolutely alright anymore. So either tell me what’s wrong or tell me to mind my own bloody business. One way or an other – tell me something. I hate seeing you so down.”

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest snatched the tissue from Dana's hand. She absolutely hated it when her eyeliner smudged. She worked so hard to put it on perfectly and now because she cried it was all ruined. Caiest dived into her bag pulling out more eye liner and a mirror as well as some more mascara after all even a witch had to look good.

Caiest talked as she reapplied her makeup. "I suppose telling you to bugger off would be rude since you let me cry to you." She said concentrating on applying the eye liner just right. "I wasn't lying when I said I let something a stupid slytherin said get to me. He just said that I was plain and ordinary something I try hard not to be. He also said that I didn't really have friends. Oh bloody hell." She exclaimed she had accidentally messed up the eyeliner on her top eye. She took the tissue she'd used before, wiped it off and restarted. "Anyway he said that you and Cassandra only pityed me and that's why you guys were nice. He also said that the reason I never see my parents are because they hate me and I'm too ordinary for them. The only reason I let it get to me is because it was stuff I'd been thinking for a while. There!" She exclaimed putting her makeup and mirror away. "Anyway I was stupid to let it get to me he was probably one of Pyro's little friends anyway."

[dana]

Dana listened to Caiest’s words. She didn’t move, grimace nor did she try to interfere with Caiest’s words. She appeared completely untouched and serene, even though Dana was furious inside. Breathing in through her mouth Dana held the air in as long as she could before slowly breathing out again. Having counted backwards from ten in her mind, Dana slowly opened her mouth.
“You are right. It is stupid. I pity you? I’m not some bloody hero – if I didn’t like I wouldn’t hang around you and I most certainly wouldn’t play a wretched martyr and suffer through your company. I like you. I wouldn’t have invited to my home, if I didn’t. During the fife years I’ve been in Hogwarts you are the third person I’ve ever invited over – not counting Kris. You are original, intriguing, great company. But if you think everyone will like you, then you are a fool.”

Dana’s voice had been forced to be calm and low and now she needed to take one more deep breath before continuing: “So one Slytherin couldn’t keep up with you and tried to get revenge in his own way. Touch luck – you’ve heard words before and will hear them again. Some people aren’t worth your time and attention – others are. So you associate with some and brush away others. That’s life. So you weren’t too lucky with your parents – happens. At least you know what not to do with your kids one day. Just because you don’t want just anyone to be your friend – I don’t call just anyone my friend – doesn’t mean you’re worthless or weird. It just shows that you are attentive and know what you want.”

Dana rubbed her face with her hands and sighed. “And next time someone says something like that to you, kick them for me, will you?” Shifting herself Dana leaned back so her neck was resting on the back of the chair and she was staring into the sky: “That Slytherin is an idiot and you should really forget him. But I do hope you feel a little better now.”

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest hung her head a little as Dana yelled at her without yelling at her. She told Caiest that she shouldn't let people get to her that not everyone was going to like her. Caiest knew all of this and she knew it was stupid to let it get to her she just accidentally did. It didn't mean that Dana had to yell at her. She understood that Dana was just trying to make her see that she cared and was indeed her friend but that didn't mean she had to call her names. Caiest was happy that she'd already cried all she could or she might just cry again.

Caiest smiled a little as Dana informed her that she was only the third person ever to be invited over. It was nice that Dana really did consider her a friend. Caiest sighed Dana was right she was being stupid by thinking that that stupid little slytherin was right she should've just ignored it like she had when someone else said mean things to her. Caiest looked up at Dana. "Alright I was an idiot I admit it I shouldn't have let something as meaningless as that get to me. I'm sorry and I'll never do it again okay?"

[dana]

Dana sighed and then grinned at Caiest: “Sure. Let’s forget it.” Dana fell silent for a moment and then bit her lower lip: “But I’d still like to kick that guy!”
Dana let a chuckle escape her and raised her hand glancing at her freshly manicured nails: “Think I might be able to do it without breaking a nail?”
Dana let laughter fill her ´as she winked at Caiest: “See, I’m sadistical. And vain. And absolutely incurable. And that’s the way I like it.”

Dana sighed and leaving her bag on the bench moved onto the grass again and laid down while spreading her arms and feeling the sun on her face and arms. “So what else is new with you? Before we go and kick some Slytherins. I’m sure we could cook up a good enough prank between the two of us.”

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest laughed. "Seeing as how kicking someone generally involves your leg the chances of you keeping your nail intact are very good." She said shoving her bag off the bench so she'd have more room to sit. She was glad Dana was willing to drop it and that she was sticking up for her so fiercely. She didn't know anyone else that would want to beat someone up just because they were mean to her. Except maybe Cassandra. She had been extremely upset when Caiest told her about what Pyro had done.

Looking at the sky Caiest tried to think of proper revenge for the Slytherin. Dana was right between the two of them they could find a great way of getting revenge. Caiest was generally one to let pety stuff like that go but he'd made her cry and that was simply unnacceptable. "Nothing is new with me with maybe the exception of not sleeping. As for the slytherin it has to be something good. I'd just like to know how he knew about my parents. I don't let just anyone know about them."

[dana]

“Good. I’m rather fond of my nails. Actually I’m rather attached to all of my body-parts. A bit obsessed of the idea of keeping them all with me at all times I have to admit,” Dana mused without opening her eyes and pondering, “As for the revenge – not sure about that. I usually leave revenge to Kris. Dunno – some potion. Maybe something that would make him dance on the Slytherin table in a pink tutu during some lunch? Or would we be too scarred mentally upon witnessing it? And your parents are pure-bloods. Guess he knew about their travels and draw conclusions from there?”