Who Needs Fancy Dances? ((Adam))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Tonight was the night of the Valentines Day ball and Dixie couldn’t care less about it. That ball was stupid anyway, why would she want to go to it? Besides, she had more important things on her mind. Mainly Adam related things. He had been moved back to the school and was currently in the Hospital Wing. Dixie didn’t know whether she was relieved that he was out of that dreadful room in St. Mungo’s or if she was sad because he still wasn’t remembering anything even at Hogwarts. Nevertheless, Dixie was on her way to the Hospital Wing to spend the night she would normally be spending in her dorm, with Adam. Rae was supposed to tag along, but she had said she would get there later after she finished her essay. Typical Ravenclaw. In Dixie’s arms was a box full of candy and things to decorate the Hospital Wing, make it homier. Her shoulder bag banged against her leg as she walked, full of books for Adam. As she neared the hospital Wing, Dixie let out a quick sigh and then backed into the door so she wouldn’t knock the box and candy out of her hands. She turned around when she was in the room and smiled brightly at Adam, “I come bearing candies, so you better thank me.” Dixie set the box down on a chair and slipped the strap from her shoulder bag over her head, setting that on the floor. “And books… you aren’t getting off that easily. Let’s see,” Dixie reached into the box and pulled out a smaller box of some muggle candy. She looked at it and tossed it to Adam, “we’ve got those weird thingies, and some licorice hearts, some chocolate hearts that beat which is really weird if you ask me.” She chewed on her bottom lip and pulled out a teddy bear, and then with a gleeful smile she dangled it in front of him, “Plus this cute little fellow who I’m sure will brighten up this room quite nicely.”

Dixie dangled it again, “Isn’t it so cute?” She smiled and then dropped it on the bed next to him. She turned to the box again and moved it off the chair so she could sit down. “Ugh, you have no idea how happy I am that we’re not down at the ball. I’d rather not sing my heart and soul out, no matter who could hear me.” Dixie shook her head and reached down, picking up the shoulder bag and placing it on her lap. “You know, the box contained the good things, and this contains the bad things. We got three new texts for classes. One for potions, and two for astronomy. If Snape wasn’t our head of House I would just completely blow off his class, but that might result in my death.” She pulled out the books and looked them over, then she placed them on the table beside Adam’s bed. “Candy and books, the best mixture in the world.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm before she kicked the bag out of the way and sank down into her chair. It was so weird to be this upbeat, but she couldn’t help it. There was something about being there for Adam that made her want to be happy. He didn’t need her to be sad. Rae had been right about that. He needed smiles or something like that. And as long as Dixie thought about how much she cared about him and about how many good times they had together, she would be able to keep a smile on her face. It was as simple as that. It was so hard to imagine that only a week or so ago Dixie had been crying to Rae about how everything was ruined. She was completely different now, but she didn’t know how long she would be able to keep it up. Was it a façade? Or was she really happy? Deep down… Dixie knew it was a façade for Adam’s sake.

“Oh! Oh! I almost forgot!” Dixie sat up in her seat and pulled out a card from her pocket that was on the inside of her jacket. She handed it to him and rolled her eyes, “Mum insisted on me giving it you.” Even when she said it, she knew he didn’t remember meeting her parents. “That’s actually one awkward memory you should be glad you don’t remember. You ate dinner with us before the party at the Gray’s and Mum was quite taken with the roses you gave me. She was quite taken with you, actually. She feels terrible that she can’t come visit, but that’s Mum for you.” Dixie hadn’t read the card, because it had been addressed to Adam, but she knew it was probably some cheesy Valentine’s Day card. Pam was always excited about the stupid holiday, and Dixie couldn’t hate it any more than she already did. As Adam read the card, Dixie leaned over and plucked a chocolate heart from the box. She figured it was just a Valentine’s Day version of the chocolate frog, only it beat instead of hopped. She unwrapped it and held it in her palm. It was in the shape of the cartoonish heart, not the actual anatomical heart which made the beating of it tens time more cute. She raised her eyebrow and held it up for Adam to see, “It’s kind of weird in a cute-ish kinda way.” A smile graced her face and she put the chocolate in her mouth. Her eyes widened, and her hand covered her lips, “Oh my God, it still beats inside your mouth!” Dixie chewed and then swallowed. It wasn’t bad chocolate, it was just so weird feeling it beat inside her mouth. She reached back into the box and pulled out another one and offered it to Adam, “You’ve got to try.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam sat in the hospital-wing bed, alone, bored, and going insane. It was ridiculous, he thought, that he had to spend his first three weeks back at school stuck in the musty old part of the castle, an occasional spell of vomiting or nosebleeds from other students being the most entertainment he had. Dixie did come as much as she could, but even that was sometimes not enough to get him through the hours of time that she couldn't be there. You could only count the stones on the wall so many times before going mad. It wasn't like he was sick or anything. He actually felt quite well, aside from the occasional feeling of exhaustion. His memory was still no better though. No matter how much he tried, he only ended up giving himself headaches by thinking so hard.

Seeing what time it was, he knew that Dixie would be coming soon. At least she had said she would be. That was one good thing- his short term memory was working fine. And, he still remembered everything up until his fifth year. But, for some reason, the past two years before the accident were all a void in his mind, just waiting to be uncovered. He was determined, no matter what that he would discover them someday. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

As he thought about Dixie, he couldn't help but shed a few tears. The more he realized what it had to be like for her, the more it ate him up inside. But she wasn't giving up. He knew that. It made him feel guilty to think that she might be wasting days of her life away, but it gave him a hope- a hope that was the only thing keeping him sane through this time.

In the middle of his thoughts, he heard the door open, and he was thrilled to see Dixie and hear her voice. Quickly, he wiped his tears before she could see. "Thanks," he said. "But you better be careful. If you keep bringing me food, I'm only going to gain weight. You don't want me to get fat do you?" he teased. He ignored her comment about books. It was a holiday, and he would save the studying for when Dixie was gone. It was one way he passed the time when he had to be alone

"Does he talk?" he inquired, taking the bear from her and smiling. "Because if he doesn't, you better work on charming him to hold a conversation. I might just die if I have to rely on silence or that old batty Madame Pompfrey. She must have amnesia or something; always asking me the same four or five question over and over again. I thought I was supposed to be the one with memory loss."

When Dixie mentioned a card, Adam was somewhat confused, but he figured it was worth reading. At best, it might even help to bring back a memory. He read through the card quickly. Mostly, it was just what Dixie was telling him of that night. Smiling, he reached for his wand which was sitting on his night stand. "That's odd... the whole flower thing." With a flick of his wand, he opened the bottom drawer of his stand and levitated a single white rose to Dixie. "Happy Valentine's Day. It actually started out as an old quill I found when I was up exploring the room last night. I remembered a spell we learned in Transfiguration, and I gave it a try, just to test my magic. But don't tell Madame Pompfrey. She insisted I not leave my bed unless it was for a restroom break or an emergency. It's not much, but my resources were limited."

When Dixie tried one of the chocolate hearts she had brought, Adam laughed at her excitement. Regardless, he took one from the package and tried it himself. It was rather strange, the way it pulsed in your mouth, but the chocolate tasted good. "Yeah, you definitely better not leave all this candy here for me to finish on my own." He took another heart and popped it in his mouth. "So, why aren't you going to the ball tonight?" Adam had heard about it, mainly from Dixie. Sierra mentioned it, but she had agreed to skip it out and come keep him company later during the day. He laughed a bit before adding, "I'd pay to see you sing. Not that I think it would be bad, but I just don't see you as the type to sing in front of people." Grinning, he looked at Dixie. "Got anything to drink?"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

“Gain weight? Really?” Dixie chewed on her bottom lip, “I hadn’t thought about that. Well, I suppose I’ll just have to take away all the good food and you can live off the horrible food that Pomfrey gives you. If you much prefer that…” She shrugged with a small grin on her lips. It was nice to just talk to him, without all the pressing questions. It still wasn’t the same as it had been, though. Dixie was getting used to it and she hoped he would be able to go to classes soon. Maybe then she’d enjoy them more. Upon returning to Hogwarts, Dixie didn’t have the luxury of missing her classes. She had to start up classes again and they were the dullest places to be on the face of the Earth… well… maybe being stuck in the Hospital Wing all alone for the whole day was worse. Dixie picked up the teddy bear and looked at it, “I don’t think so… I think it’s just a normal teddy bear. I know!” She pulled out her wand and smiled as she waved it over the bear while muttering one of the spells she had picked up from Mack. Soon the bear jumped from her hands and walked across Adam’s legs while singing. Dixie nodded, satisfied, “Now we have our own form of entertainment without the crowds.” She watched the bear dance and sing some inaudible song for a moment and then turned her gaze on Adam. “Pomfrey’s just senile, don’t worry darling Adam, your limelight is still yours.”

Dixie picked up one of the textbooks and opened it. She hated school. Her eyes jumped up to Adam when he spoke again. She watched with interest as he used his wand to open the drawer and levitate a white rose to her. Dixie smiled and plucked it out of the air diligently and brought it to her nose. When Adam explained what he had done, she felt her eyebrow rise and her eyes fixed on him. “Isn’t that a spell we learnt in sixth year? Yeah… it is… because I never mastered it and I turned some girl’s hair blue in anger.” She smiled brightly, “Very impressive, Mr. Greene, any other spells you remember?” The idea that Adam had remembered something from sixth year made Dixie’s heart skip a beat. He was really improving and that made everything seem brighter, shinier, and new. She looked at the rose, and smiled again, “It’s lovely, thank you.” It was even better because of what spell he used to turn it into a rose. Dixie leaned back in her chair and twirled the rose between her fingers. She watched as Adam took one of the chocolates and put it in his mouth.

“It’s either leave it here or take it with me and if I take it with me you’ll never ever see it again.” Dixie replied with a laugh and a shrug. Too much candy made Dixie nearly impossible to hold a conversation with. When he asked why she wasn’t going to the ball tonight, Dixie looked at the rose in her hand. Because the one person I would even consider going with can’t leave this forsaken room, Dixie thought with a small sigh. She looked back up at him and smiled, “Because getting dressed up in a dress that I didn’t design, going down to a Great Hall with couples everywhere, and doing nothing but sitting at a table and eating doesn’t sound like my night of fun. Besides,” she shrugged and smelled the flower again, “I’d much rather be up here keeping you company.” Dixie didn’t think she’d have much fun at the ball and she knew that if she went down there it would end in disaster, especially if she ended up singing. “How much? I do have a price, you know. I have a decent voice and I know how to play the guitar and piano, but you’re right… I won’t sing in front of people. I don’t trust anyone else enough to do that.”

Dixie tilted her head as Adam asked if she had anything to drink. Then an idea came to her. With a flick of her wand, two steaming mugs of Chai tea appeared on the table beside his bed. Dixie set the rose beside her mug and peered at the steaming beverages. “The first time we really talked, I gave you some of this Chai tea and you really liked it. Or at least, you seemed to have liked it. You could have easily been lying to me about that.” She grinned and handed Adam his mug of Chai tea before taking hers and sipping from it.

[Professor Adam Greene]

"Well, at least take half of them back with you," he insisted. "I suppose it won't be bad if neither of us eat the entire box." When Dixie took the rose, Adam smiled brightly. It was probably one of his happiest moments since he came out of his coma. Up until now, his time with Dixie was unfortunately filled with tons of questions that were necessary, but only led to frustration and in some cases, a lack of hope. But now, Adam felt like he was able to at least be himself again. Even if the memories weren't there, he still enjoyed being with Dixie. It was just hard, knowing that they had lost so much with him losing his memories. It was hard to explain, but he could tell that everything was different. It was almost like there was an invisible wall that still stood between he and Dixie. From how he viewed it, the only way to break down that wall would be to get his memory back. That was why he spent so much time focusing on it.

"For real?!" he asked, not even realizing what year he had learned that particular spell in. Then, when he thought about it, he knew Dixie was right. "So... but... it's...." he couldn't put together a sentence. At first, he could only smile. Then, after trying hard, he hung his head. "No, none that I can think of. I don't know why I remembered that one. It just happened, I think." Even among the disappointment that he couldn't remember any more, a new flame of hope flickered within. He needed it. Slowly, and not even realizing it, he was letting hopelessness creep in. But now, he had a reason to keep trying. This proved that the memories weren't gone forever.

"Well, I guess I know to start saving my money then," he said with a grin after Dixie mentioned singing for a price. Then, she did some magic and had two hot drinks conjured in seconds. He went to take his but then stopped to hear what she had to say. "Interesting," he thought out loud. "Maybe it will help to bring back more memories," he suggested. At this point, anything was worth a try.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie nodded, “Great idea, except… I have about five more boxes of those chocolate hearts up in my dorm.” She shrugged innocently, with a wicked smile, and then opened a package of licorice hearts. Candy always hit the spot with Dixie. Maybe that was a bad thing. No. No such thing as candy being a bad thing. As she fumbled with the package and grew agitated, there was silence between them. Finally, she got it opened and smiled triumphantly as she tore a piece from one of the hearts off and placed it in her mouth. She chewed it thoughtfully, or it appeared to be thoughtfully, until she heard Adam speak. She jumped slightly in her chair and laughed after swallowing the licorice heart. The smile on his face made hers grow even wider and she thought that if she smiled any bigger her mouth would stretch that way permanently.

The smile soon faded, though, and Dixie watched him hang his head in defeat. Dixie smiled sadly and tucked some of her hair behind her ear again, it was becoming her worst nervous habit. “Don’t worry about it, Adam, don’t rush things. Maybe you’ve already remembered things, but you don’t realize it.” She bit into the licorice heart again, using it as a tool so she wouldn’t let her eyes well up in tears. She missed everything about the way things were before. It wasn’t bad having Adam smile and happy, but she knew there was something missing and that something would stay missing until the memories came rushing back to him. It’s only then that Dixie could be truly happy again, and she knew that but she wouldn’t tell Adam that… she feared that would be putting too much pressure on him to remember. That was the last thing Dixie wanted to do, and she knew that even mentioning it might make him feel horrible.

Dixie shrugged, smiling hopefully, “Maybe, who knows? I could easily just tell you what we talked about… but I don’t really remember all of it. I just know that all the preconceived notions you had of me being a big bad Queen of Slytherin seemed to had gone out the window after we talked for awhile. Oh, and you issued me this ridiculous… okay not really that ridiculous… challenge of facing my fears. Which… in a way, I did.” Dixie took a sip of her tea and smiled at Adam, “Before I met you, Adam, I wouldn’t have even thought of coming into the hospital wing to visit anyone… especially wi-“ she was cut short by the bear falling onto the floor. She had completely forgotten about it and in her absentmindedness, the bear had walked to the edge and fallen off. Dixie chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head before reaching down and picking up the bear. “How do I make it stop?” she whined as she tried to control it and it’s walking.

[Professor Adam Greene]

"Ha, well then forget that plan," he joked, rolling his eyes. It made him wonder if that was just another part of Dixie that he had forgot. Had he known before that she had a sweet tooth? It was so frustrating. How many other things did he know then and not now? Trying his best to push the pessimism away, he watched her tear into some licorice.

"Don't rush things," he repeated in a voice of disbelief. "How can you say not to rush things, Dixie? This is so hard for me. I mean, isn't it hard for you too?" He shook his head and closed his eyes. Didn't she see how this was affecting him. "We can't wait forever, Dixie. Do you really want things to be like this forever? Maybe you don't think that my memories are important, but I can't go on without them. We can't go on without them." He wasn't yelling, but just speaking in desperation. All of the emotions he had been bottling up inside were fizzing to the surface.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, shaking his head again. "I know you care and that you understand." He listened as she explained a bit of their first meeting. "Well, I guess my pre-conceived notion was wrong, and I'm glad that I was able to help you with that Dixie. But you deserve better now. You deserve the chance to start again, with someone who won't let you down like I have." When she picked up the bear from the ground and asked how to make it stop, he didn't say anything. It wasn't like he would remember the spell anyways if he even knew it. Instead, he just hung his head, unable to even look up in all of his disappointment.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie felt her jaw drop slightly at Adam’s words. They stung so much and to hide her hurt she stood from the chair and walked over to the window that looked over the Quidditch pitch. With her arms crossed, she looked down at the pitch. It looked so different at night and it held an almost eerie aura to it. She stood there, her mind reeling from everything Adam had said, and finally a tear rolled down her cheek. It was just all so hard! Why did life have to be so hard?! Why couldn’t something good be easy to get? It was as if everything was cursed, Dixie especially, and that nothing would ever go right. When Adam said something about her deserving a chance to start again, Dixie turned around, anger in her eyes. “Do you hear yourself, Adam?” She asked in disbelief as angry tears continued to fall from her eyes. “You’re being so… pessimistic. Why?” she wiped at the tears and leaned against the wall, her eyes never leaving him.

“Yes, it’s hard! It’s very hard, but it’s worth it because you’re worth it. Adam… I can’t start again with anyone else but you. I don’t want to.” Dixie stared at him and rolled her eyes after a moment. Why was he being this way? She was trying so hard to be optimistic about it all and Adam was completely trashing her attempts. It hurt, greatly, and she couldn’t do anything but feel defensive and try not to cry. If he didn’t think it was worth it, why should she? She thought it was worth it, because she remembered what they had. Adam didn’t… “You haven’t let me down, Adam. You won’t let me down unless you quit. Unless you give up hope. Why do you want do you want to give up hope? Why the sudden change? Is it something I did? Something I said? Tell me! Because it’s as if I don’t feel bad enough already!”

As the tears welled in her eyes again, Dixie walked to the foot of Adam’s bed. Her hands rested on the edge of the foot board as she waited for an answer. “Honestly, Adam, if you want to be selfish enough to give up hope completely. Go ahead, but I’m not.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam winced when he saw the effects of his own actions. After he had said everything that he had, he regretted it. But it was too late now. The words were forever escaped from his lips. Seeing that they only hurt Dixie even more made bite his lip in order to release the emotions some how. He knew she was trying too though, and she didn't deserve his attitude.

He watched as she cried and then wiped her tears, looking completely hurt by him. "I... it's... but..." The words only came out in intervals. He couldn't even talk he was so upset at himself, at the accident, and just upset with life in general. He had just been trying to be hopeful for so long that it was feeling useless for him. The accident had happened almost two months ago, and still he couldn't remember a thing. Granted, he had been in a coma for the most of the two months, but still, this was no way for Dixie to have to live. She shouldn't have to put up with it any longer. The more he realized that, the more Adam wondered if even she was thinking it despite her words of optimism and hope. Surely in all the pain the idea of escape had to have crept in at least once or twice, and he wouldn't have blamed her.

"I... I'm not giving up Dixie," he said in a soft voice. Still hanging his head, he couldn't bear to see the pain in Dixie's face any longer. "But maybe we should start to accept the truth. It doesn't mean we give up. But let's just face reality and think that I may never get the memories back. What will you do then, Dixie?" He felt like they had went over the same issues again and again, but there wasn't much else they could do since his condition seemed to be at a standstill. Sure, they could just keep going on, starting over, and pretending that it never happened. But it didn't work that way. Just knowing that he was missing the foundational memories of their beginning was enough to eat him up inside. It had to be all or nothing, he had convinced himself.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie watched Adam, the hurt and anger simmering down but they were still there. After he spoke, she sighed and looked down at her hands before moving to sit at the foot of his bed. The pessimistic thoughts that had been circling Adam's mind and then released into the room made Dixie dizzy and wanting to run away but she didn't. She couldn't. After a couple of moments of silence, Dixie breathed in and looked up at him. "If you don't think that I've thought of all that, you're wrong, because I have. I've thought about whether or not it would be better for me to run and never look back, I've thought about what we will do if the memories never come back. I've thought of all that. And all the answers or the conclusions that I came to were the same." She locked her gaze on Adam and then shrugged. "I can't run, literally. For one, I have no where to go. School, I'd see you. Home, not an option. Most of all... I won't run. I'm not missing anything by being here for you or waiting for everything to return to normal. Really, I'm not. I have no where better to go, no one better to go to. There is so much you don't understand because you don't remember and that makes it so much harder but so much more worth it, too."

She bit her bottom lip as she paused a moment. Everything had changed in an instant and that was something that Dixie didn't like at all. It was something she couldn't control. "I've thought about a lot of things, I've weighed the pros and cons of being here for you and I've figured what it would take if the memories never did return. I wish each and every night for you to remember or for me to forget so we can just start over. But my wishes go unheard, I'm at a loss for what it is you want me to do. Do you want me to stay or do you want me to leave and to let you forget everything even the memories that we are making now? Because if that's what you want, I'll do it. I'll do it without question. But I don't think that's what you want. I think that's what you think I want. And I don't. I want everything but that." She shook her head slowly and laughed in a pathetic attempt to make her words make sense. "I can tell you one thing, though." She glanced at Adam before closing her eyes and opening them again to stop the tears from falling again.

"You being pessimistic about this is not going to help you, or me, or anyone else who cares. It sure as hell isn't going to make those memories come back and all it's going to do is cause even more pain. Do you really want that?" It's a bad place to live isn't it, Dix? Dixie closed her eyes and tried to force the Government away, not now. Not now. Never now. We aren't going anywhere, Dix, you belong here. Hopefully now you will see it. The tears fell before she could stop them. "What is it that you want, Adam!?" she screamed at him. She couldn't help it, she was angry and hurt and she just wanted to know what he wanted so she could do it, even if it meant for her to go away and leave him alone... she hoped it wasn't that.

[Professor Adam Greene]

More words. More hurt. More confusion. It was like they had opened up a box containing a never ending nightmare. Adam could only stare blankly at Dixie as each of her statements cut into him like a searing knife. She said it perfectly. He too just wished that it could all be gone- that they could just all start over. But they couldn't. This was how it was. He needed to accept it. How could he not see that Dixie was going through every single thing that he was. Just because she had memories didn't make her stronger, and he shouldn't have expected her to be able to carry him through this. It was just hard knowing that he couldn't be there for her anymore than she could be there for him. They were two in the same place, both frustrated, confused, and desperate. But maybe she had a little more hope than he did.

"No Dixie, I don't want you to leave," he cried back. "I want what you want Dix. I want to remember. I want us to be able to work things out again. But sometimes we don't get what we want! Sooner or later we are going to have to accept that we may never get what we want. So maybe just letting it go would be the best thing. At least that way, the disappointment is over and done with. We don't have to drag it forever. And who knows, if things change and my memories come back, then we can start again. But this, here, now... it just isn't right Dix. You could be waiting for nothing, just a ghost that's never going to show up. I know you see it as giving up, but it's not giving up Dixie- it's just accepting the reality of our current situation and moving on with life. You're an amazing woman, and you should be living your life. You can't wait for something that you're not even sure will come." Adam's eyes looked upon Dixie's face with pain. What he had said was the hardest thing he had ever had to say. It hurt. Bad. But deep down he just kept telling himself that it was the right thing to do. Dixie deserved it. She shouldn't be held back. She deserved her freedom from the nightmare.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie listened to him, nearly jumping from his outburst. It was so frustrating to see him like this, but she knew it was better than him being completely depressed. She had seen that from a few people at Bethlem. They lost all of their memories up until a certain year and they got so depressed that they tried stealing some more of their medication just to escape the reality of it all. Dixie breathed in deeply at the thought of Bethlem. Leaving Adam’s side meant going back to the way things were before and Dixie didn’t want to go back there. Back there was Bethlem and Kurr and all the horrible places that she hated being in. Dixie stood from the bed and turned to her bag and the box of candies. She needed to do something to keep her mind from wandering to what life would have been like if she hadn’t met Adam. As she kneeled down to pack up the candy she had picked out of the box and the bear, she started to cry and then the crying turned to laughter. It was too much. The emotions she held inside her. The hysteria and the pain. The humor of the whole situation and the anguish. Soon she was laughing too hard for her to control her hands and she was shaking. Sitting back on the floor with her back against Adam’s bed she brought her hands to her eyes and wiped away the tears that were pouring from them. “Reality bites.” She said in between laughter. “It really does, and it bites hard. But do you want to know what the funny thing is?”

She tilted her head so she could look up at Adam. It was an awkward position to be in, but she didn’t mind. The laughter was still on her lips as she stared up at him with tears in her eyes. “It’s so much better than that demented fantasy world I built to run away from reality to. It’s funny because it’s really ironic. But you don’t know about Kurr, not because you don’t remember it… oh no…” she stood from the ground and laughed again, “but because I never told you about it! It’s amusing because here you are thinking that I’m amazing and that I have so much waiting for me when in reality, which bites, I don’t. What I have waiting for me is medication and doctors and ice packs and drugs that make me sleep for days. That’s the reality of my life.” Dixie ran her fingers through her hair and then held her stomach as she laughed again. “And it bites!” The laughter turned to sobbing as she turned away from Adam and tried to stifle her sobs. It was all so funny and so horrible that Dixie felt like she wanted to disappear into Kurr, but that wouldn’t do her any good. It wouldn’t do Adam any good. The breakdown was probably scaring him enough… she didn’t need to slip away into the fantasy world that no one else could see but her.

“Adam… look…” she turned around, her eyes dry but red and the smile gone from her face, “I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I don’t know what can be said to make you feel better and honestly I don’t even know if being here at all is helping you. I think I’m just using being here for you as an excuse to see you everyday without feeling like I’m stalking you or something. Truth is… I have no life to live, so for the time being you’re stuck with me. Now… have we established that life sucks and that you might not get your memories back? Which I think is complete bollocks because I think you can, I think you’re just being pessimistic and completely impossible.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie didn't take his comments well, and he honestly hadn't expected her to. She stood and started speaking about reality and fantasy. Then, she spoke about something she called Kurr, which he didn't know about. Apparently though it wasn't that he forgot, it was just that she hadn't told him before. This was a change for once- something he didn't actually forget. He didn't know if it was better though that he hadn't ever known. As Dixie continued, he wondered how much more of it he hadn't ever known. One thing was for sure- he was finding out, for the first time or not, that Dixie apparently didn't have much of a life that she considered positive, aside from him. The reality of that didn't make him feel any better. If he was all she looked forward to, it brought into perspective why she was so adamant about sticking with him no matter what. However, Adam couldn't help but think that he wouldn't let himself just be another thing in her life that she would soon regret.

"Pessimistic, impossible, whatever you wanna call it Dix, it's reality. The doctors said my chances were one in four and that the longer it took, the worse the chances get. I know that you want to have hope and so do I. But how can I ever live knowing that you wasted your time with me when I don't recover. You say you have no life to go back to, but you have opportunity to change that. My memories aren't coming back Dixie. They're just not coming back. How long are you going to stand by and hope that they do?" Adam felt her pain. Even among his own, he could tell that Dixie was hurting. It hurt him even more to see that, but he was only doing what he thought was right. Dixie was not accepting reality. Adam knew someone had to open her eyes to the situation at hand.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie felt like throwing something, she felt like screaming at the top of her lungs and launching things across the room. It was tearing her up inside and if Adam didn’t see that then he was really blind. She listened to him, her mind reeling from all he said, and then there was a long silence. She stood there, looking at him, letting her mind digest all he had said and then without a word she walked back to his bed and kissed him on the cheek. When she pulled away she bent down to pick up the box full of candy and then placed the teddy bear beside his bed. “Welcome to reality, eh?” She watched him a moment more and then turned on her heel, leaving the hospital wing as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She was angry, but she was too numb and too exhausted to show it. Though the urge to throw something was still dwelling within her. She hated what was going on, but she knew in a sense that Adam was right. Reality was catching up with them, and maybe it was time for Dixie to grow up out of the whole optimistic phase she had been going through for a short while. Maybe.

She entered the common room and made her way into the 7th year girls dormitory without realizing it. Where had everything gone? It was the number question that had been running through Dixie’s head over the past couple of months. Would that question ever be answered? Dixie fell onto her bed and pulled the curtains of her four poster closed as she pulled her pillow to her and curled into a ball. Dixie was just tired of it all… she wanted to sleep and never wake up. The tears kept falling as she closed her eyes and drifted into sleep, intending to stay away from Adam for as long as she could. It was what he wanted, after all.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie was silent at first after Adam's latest comments. Then, she came close to him. He closed his eyes tight, half expecting her to slap him out of his negative attitude, but he only felt her lips graze his cheek. They were cold, sending a chill through his body. It was a kiss that he felt was full of sadness and pain. She made a quick comment and then left into the darkness without a spoken goodbye. He would have preferred being slapped.

When he couldn't hear the echoes of Dixie's steps any longer, Adam finally moved from the statuesque position he had been frozen in. He shook his head as a tear fell down his face. Turning on his side, he leaned over and blew out the flame of the oil lamp by his bed. Darkness engulfed the room, except for a bright ray of moonlight that filtered through the window and across the floor. He followed the path of light to the door that Dixie had left from. Closing his eyes, Adam thought and thought and thought until he could think no more. In yet another futile attempt to find the memories that haunted his dreams, Adam drifted into a sleep that only brought the nightmare to him once again.