A Nightmare That Will Never End ((Ariane))

[lucinda]

It was dark. Everyone was asleep in the small town of Helmsdale, Scotland. The window was open just enough to hear the wind whistling outside. As Luci dosed off in her bed, she suddenly heard a noise followed by a loud scream coming from upstairs. Luci awoke immediately and ran upstairs with her wand in hand to see who had made the scream. As she reached the upstairs corridor, she heard another scream and Luci recognized it immediately as her Aunt Miranda. She ran into her aunt's bedroom to find her hiding in her wardrobe. She noticed Luci at the door and pulled her into the wardrobe with her finger pressed to her lips. "Miranda?" Luci whispered. "What's going on?" Her aunt made a shh noise and glanced at the open window. Luci figured she wanted Luci to close it, so Luci got up from her seat in the closet, only getting about one foot before her aunt yanked her back into the wardrobe. In doing so, she caused Luci to drop her wand on the ground. As she went to go retrieve it, a flash of green light came flooding in through the window. It was about to get her right in the face! Luci stood there terrified, and just as the light was about to reach the tip of her nose, Miranda jumped in front of her, causing the light to hit her. A second later, she dropped to the floor and Luci stared at her, cold and lifeless. Luci just stared until finally, she fainted and fell to the ground. When she woke up again, she was laying in her bed at Hogwarts. She had only been dreaming! Aunt Miranda was probably at home, cooking breakfast for her brother by now...it was only a dream. Luci rose from her bed, washed up, and walked downstairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. As she filled her plate with eggs and bacon, Luci noticed a letter that her owl, Megg had dropped off for her. The letter read:

Dearest Lucinda,

I am so sorry to tell you that this morning, your aunt Miranda passed away. She was found dead on the floor of her bedroom at about six thirty this morning. I'm at the funeral right now. Your mother and sisters aren't here, but they send their love. (as if!) There are quite a few things I need to talk to you about when you return home from Hogwarts. I can't talk about it now. It's just all so sad. I love you so much and I hope you are well, even after this sad, terrible news. Keep in contact.

Love, Dad

At this point, Luci was just balling over the letter an her un-eaten food. Luci stuffed the letter into her pocket and ran off to the common room. She didn't go as far as three steps before she crashed into someone on their way to their house table, which happened to be Gryffindor.

[Ariane Chan]

“Beep… beep…”

Ariane slowly but grudgingly resurfaced from her sleep as her alarm clock beside her beeped incessantly. Letting a low growl of frustration out, she flung out an arm and silenced it with a click, groggily pushing herself up into a sitting position on her bed. Letting the duvet covers spill into ripples of black around her waist, Ariane stared around the dormitory, hoping her clock’s noises hadn’t managed to wake any of her dorm mates up. It seemed that wasn’t the case though. Usually Ariane was awake before her clock began to chime, but recently that had all changed. Sometimes she found she had to drag herself out of bed, feeling no motivation for the day ahead. Normally she was in the mood for anything, even if she felt like absolute crap. Breathing a soft sigh of relief, Ariane flopped down on again, her eyes staring at the top of her four-poster bed, though not really digesting the revolving patterns involved.

It had been just under twenty-four hours ago that Ariane had received that fateful letter from Jenny Chan, her aunt, and the mother of her cousin and best friend, Aurora. Jenny was married to George Chan, who happened to be Ariane’s blood-related uncle. Her father, Henry, was George’s younger brother by two years, but the two had had no contact for many years. It was by chance that Ariane had discovered her relation to Aurora. Even though Ariane had not known her uncle and aunt for a very long time, she trusted them unquestioningly, though she doubted she’d ever open up to them. However, a part of her could barely believe… could barely absorb the information Jenny had sent yesterday morning. Ariane’s mother was dead. Dead. Killed by her father. The man she hadn’t seen since she was nine. Which was about seven years ago. And that had been in Washington, America. It couldn’t possibly be her coward of a father. And even so, how had Henry discovered where Lorraine was?

The disbelieving, never-ending questions were tapping constantly against the back of her mind. The grief followed behind it with a needy voice. The anger at her father, at the deaths, at the world itself, was rising after it fast. But Ariane refused to listen to them. She refused to even think about the situation for now. She wanted numbness, emptiness. She wanted to feel nothing. But for some odd reason, this was one thing she couldn’t stray from. Her mother was dead. Her loving, darling mum was dead. It wasn’t possible. It was just impossible. And in less than twenty-four hours, Ariane and Harmony would have to make their way down to London to meet Jenny and George, to actually face the brunt of the deaths head on. It was too much for even Ariane to take.

Pushing herself up again, Ariane clambered out of bed with the most grace she could muster. Half an hour later she was dressed impeccably and automatically her feet carried her down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Her mind may not have wanted the nourishment, but her body knew she couldn’t possibly survive in this state without some sort of energy. Ariane was vaguely aware of the fact that she hadn’t spoken to either Harmony or Aurora since the incident yesterday morning. Harmony seemed to be in hiding – very much like Ariane. Ariane had spent all yesterday floating through lessons, then returning to her dormitory to gaze at anything stationary. Even homework had been cast aside. A part of her knew she had to go to her sister, to make sure she was okay, to reassure her. It was her job, after all. But Ariane couldn’t do it just yet. She had yet to come to terms with the situation herself. And she was purposefully avoiding not just Harmony, but Aurora too. For once she couldn’t take the understanding sympathy and support her cousin would no doubt throw upon her.

Ariane knew that when the time came, she’d face it. She’d have to, whether or not she wanted to. For now, she was contented pretending the whole situation had never occurred. Life would go on as normal. Her, lessons, food, homework, and sleep were all Ariane needed. Nodding to herself absentmindedly, she failed to notice with her usually adept senses a figure hurtling towards her, and only realised when she was bowled over completely, falling to the ground in a less-than-graceful manner. Caught off guard, Ariane’s face was filled with surprise as she stared at a sobbing younger Gryffindor lying on top of her, struggling to get up from the tears running down her face. Her face was streaked with the sobbing as Ariane attempted to sit herself up. Staring at the other girl, she couldn’t feel any of her usual anger or irritation at what had just occurred. Instead, all Ariane could do was kneel there, watching at this what seemed to be third year that she recognised from around the Common Room cry her heart out. She was in pain, Ariane could feel it. For once in her life she could feel the mind-blowing pain that did not belong to her, but to someone else. So this was how Aurora felt, had tried to explain to her. Ariane had never even attempted to think from anyone else’s point of view. Feeling her resolve crumble gradually, Ariane felt unshed tears well into her own eyes, felt a drop or two fall to the floor, despite knowing that onlookers were right beside her. Reaching out as she tried to silence her oncoming tears by blinking repeatedly, Ariane grasped the other girl by her shoulders and gently shook them, as if handling a porcelain doll. “I’m sorry, are you all right?”

[lucinda]

As she crashed into the girl, both of them fell to the ground, Luci crying her eyes out, and the other girl just beginning to cry herself. Pretty soon, they were both crying, and Luci noticed that almost the entire hall had paused to see what the commotion was. Luci even thought she saw a Professor head their way, but then the crying girl spoke. "I'm so sorry." The girl said sympathetically. "Are you alright?"Luci grabbed all her books and stood up. "I'm-I'm fine." She mumbled, her long blond hair hiding her face. She tended to do that when she was upset. "I just really need to get out of here, is all." Luci started walking over toward the door, her mind whirling with dreadful dreary thoughts. Everyone was watching her at this point, but Luci didn't care. All she wanted to do was jump into the freezing cold March water and just swim. Swim and swim until her arms and legs fell off. Swim and swim and hope against hope it would make all the pain go away. Magic had done so much for her in the past, so why couldn't it bring back Miranda? Why couldn't it zap her dad's cancer away? Why couldn't it save her from all the sadness and misery she was going to have to live through during these next few weeks. That's all Luci wanted, and if magic couldn't even do that, then what good was it anyway? If magic couldn't bring back Miranda, or cure her dear daddy, then what made magic so great? Luci stopped dead, right in the middle of the hallway in front of the Great Hall. She sat down and just cried. Her dad was all Luci had left now. Not unless she counted her venomous mother and terrible spoiled sisters. They would be around forever, unfortunately, but her daddy, her dear sweat daddy, had his days numbered. What had become of the world? Suddenly, as Luci was getting sucked deep into her thoughts, she heard footsteps coming from down the hall.

[Ariane Chan]

Ariane watched with dry eyes as the younger Gryffindor picked herself up gingerly, and Ariane was relieved she hadn’t hurt her. Perhaps her usual strong, guarded self would have avoided this person completely, and even if she hadn’t, Ariane would no way have begun to almost cry and then pathetically wonder if she had done anything wrong when it was plainly clear the third year had hit her – accidentally, of course. It was true Ariane hadn’t been very aware of her surroundings, but enough so not to bump into anyone. She nodded mutely as she let the girl take her leave, saying she wanted to “get out of here”. Noticing people’s stares around them, Ariane followed suit in regaining her composure, and proceeded to glare fearlessly around at the nosy students. Seeing some begin to turn their heads away from them, Ariane was grateful that Aurora or Harmony hadn’t walked in on her momentarily emotional lapse. She knew barely anyone had noticed the odd tear seep from the corner of her eyes. Wiping them to make sure, Ariane turned to realise that the blonde haired girl had barely walked a couple of steps, when she collapsed onto the floor, once again falling into another fit of sobs.

Her heart doing leaps of sympathy that she rarely felt, Ariane almost ran at the Gryffindor, reaching her in seconds. Aware of many people’s stares, Ariane tried not to be rough as she took the blonde girl by her arms and lifted her up. Slinging a hand round hers, Ariane dragged her swiftly out of the Great Hall before anyone else could stare, make snide comments or ask what was going on. “Trust me.” Ariane whispered into the crying girl’s ear softly. Heaving her rather light body, the two were out of the Hall soon, and Ariane gently lowered her companion to rest on the ground where fewer students were mingling. Sending as many warning death glares as possible, Ariane proceeded to kneel down beside the girl with as much of a reassuring smile as she could muster. “Hey, are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Waiting for an answer from the sniffing third year, Ariane shifted on her legs a little, the pressure of her body on her two feet starting to build. “To the Common Room.” She announced randomly and boldly once the girl had replied, straightening up and ignoring the strange stares they were still receiving. “For some hot chocolate,” Ariane added with a small caring smile. Why was she being so openly friendly anyway?

”Because you can understand her tears at this very moment.” Ariane’s conscience spoke softly in the corner of her mind. Bending down to take the younger girl’s hand, she decided to introduce herself. It was time she knew this person’s name anyway. “I’m Ariane Chan, by the way. So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” Ariane tried to be as gentle as possible as she towed the other girl back to their Common Room. For now, the Gryffindor was going to be her responsibility.

[lucinda]

Luci just sat there, amid dozens and dozens of stares...and cried. She just cried her eyes out like there was no tommorow. Suddenly, while Luci was thinking of the horrible life she had to go back to next vacation, someone grabbed her arms and stood her up. Luci was so surprised by this, that she almost reached into her pocket for her wand, until she heard a faint whisper in her ear. "Trust me" the voice in her ear said. Luci gave a slight nodd and let the girl carry her off to the common room. When they arrived there, the girl said softly, "Hey, are you sure you are going to be okay?" Suddenly, Luci's sadness had reached its breaking point. There was absolutely no stopping her now. "No." She said simply. "No, I am not okay, and I never ever will be okay again." She said in a low venomous voice, thoughts rushing in and out of her mind. She didn't want to anger the nice girl who had saved her, but it was like she had no control. She placed her hot chocolate on the table behind her and Luci's voice rose a bit when she poured out her feelings to this kind older girl. "MY DAD'S A CANCER PATIENT, MY AUNT JUST DIED, AND NOW I'M GOING TO BE SHIPPED OFF TO LIVE WITH MY ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AUNT AND BRATTY SISTERS!" Luci practically screamed. "DO YOU THINK THAT'S OKAY?"She took a giant swig of hot chocolate as she sat back down. She was fuming. Why was god being so harsh? First, her dad's cancer, now this? What had she ever done to deserve such a nasty fate. Now, she had nothing in this life to live for! All she had was her daddy, who was going to die any moment. Chemo wasn't working, so now the doctors were just making the transition to death comfortable by locking him up in that prison they call a hospital! It just wasn't right! Luci broke into another fit of hysterical crying as she waited for the girl to answer her, because if she was just going to sit there, Luci might as well go down to Hogsmeade and get herself a butterbeer.

[Ariane Chan]

Ariane sat the girl down carefully on a sofa near the dwindling fire of the Gryffindor Common Room. Thankfully the place was deserted due to it being the early hours of the morning. Most students were either in bed still, or having breakfast. Ariane tried to dispel the fact that she was leaving Aurora and Harmony by themselves for breakfast; she wanted to avoid them anyway. Conjuring up two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the table, she pushed one towards her companion, leaving hers to cool, and settled into an opposing armchair. Sitting there silently, Ariane took the opportunity as the girl relaxed to analyse her charily, not really sure of what to make of her, or what to do. Recent events had seriously put her off track of things in her mind, and a part of her wondered what on earth she was doing sitting here.

Finally the other girl spoke up with a bitter tone, her voice gradually increasing until she was screaming at Ariane. She was angry. Thank goodness no one else was here, and people couldn’t hear anything from their upper dormitories. Ariane took the other Gryffindor’s behaviour in her stride, merely regarding this nameless stranger with a vacant expression on her face. Still ignoring her hot chocolate before her, Ariane motionlessly mused over the girl’s words. So life wasn’t going so well for her. Well, neither was it fine for her. Her mother had just been murdered by her conniving father. Her mother was one of the only close people in her life. Three had been reduced to two. Ariane made few friends, but those that meant something in her life, she poured her heart and soul into for them. Letting go was almost impossible. Maybe it was impossible. Hearing, listening to this younger girl reminded Ariane that she was not the only one whose life was unfair, who suffered hardships. She could see more clearly now that she was not the only person that had lost someone dear to them and was forced to cope. It would be hard on anyone; she just had to learn to bear it. But at the same time, digesting the girl’s words brought back the memories of pain and grief, remembrance of sacred precious reminiscences. Ariane didn’t want to think about it. Not just yet.

Ariane paid little attention to the fact that the other girl was sobbing uncontrollably again. There was nothing she could do to take her pain away. To cure her father’s cancer, to bring her aunt back from the dead. All she could do was sit here and listen. A fifteen-year-old girl with nothing more to give. Ariane couldn’t even help herself though. She hadn’t been able to protect her mother, and she certainly didn’t have the power to bring her back to life. Life was like that. Unfair, full of suffering, and short. Life was so volatile; it ran through her grasping fingers, gone in a split second before you can even blink. Life had been like that for Lorraine Chan, and now she was dead.

Bitterness rose in Ariane’s dry throat, but she had long forgotten the hot chocolate sitting patiently on the coffee table. She had never had a sweet tooth anyway. A part of Ariane wanted to scream back at this ignorant younger girl, tell her she was not the only person in the world that was suffering. How could she be so selfish? How could she possibly think she was hurting when so many other people were too? But Ariane knew that this wasn’t fair on the Gryffindor. Another side of her was well aware of the fact that everyone had the right to cry and blame others in these dark times. Everyone had the right to feel cheated and upset. Everyone, including her. Ariane could feel a similar sense of resentment, but tried to maturely filter it from her tone of voice as she chose to finally make her voice known again, looking her companion straight in the eyes steadily.

“No, I don’t think it’s okay. But life is unfair.” Ariane started bluntly with a calm, low voice. She wasn’t sure what she would say, but her heart told her that she knew she would be right. She knew that this advice applied not only to this younger girl, but herself too. “Life is never easy, nor is it always fun. As you progress in this thing we call life, you will come to realise that with happiness comes hardships. They walk hand in hand. Never expect life to be wonderful, because quite frankly, it’s not. I’m sorry if this is shattering all your naïve concepts on life, but one day, you’ll understand, if not already you’ll get what I mean. I don’t think anyone should be disillusioned by this. I think you have to accept that.” Ariane stated in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, “After that, you can begin to get over things like this. You’ll begin to accept that things like this happen that are out of your control. They will no doubt upset you, break you, hurt you, but you will know that you can’t blame someone or something anymore. You can’t keep asking the same old questions over and over again. Things like ‘why me?’. You can stop wondering what you’ve done to deserve this. After acceptance of that, you’ll begin to accept your aunt’s deaths and so on. And rebuild yourself from there. Time will slowly, but steadily, help you heal. You’ll never be the same again, but… that’s life.”

Ariane paused a moment, refraining a little shrug to go with her last comment. Her gaze continued to linger on the other girl’s tear-streaked face, and taking a deep breath, continued to firmly elaborate her little speech, at the same time taking in her own advice, “I’m sorry I can’t bring your aunt back to life. I’m sorry I can’t cure your father of his cancer. No one can. Not even magic has this power. Life comes and does and no one can stop it; you shouldn’t try to stop it, it has a mind of its own. It is out of your hands. It’s out of everyone’s hands.” Ariane finally broke eye contact, turning away to gaze at the burning fire beside her, staring intently into its glaring flames of bright orange. “I found out my mum died yesterday morning.” Ariane’s ears could barely make out her thick, distant voice as its impassive tone echoed repeatedly through her brain. It would seem to most people that she accepted this fact readily, but in fact, she didn’t, and maybe never could. “And I’m not okay. Maybe I will be, but right now, I’m not. I think my old ignorant self would have reacted like you. Angry. Hysterical. Loss of control. Hated the world for what its taken from me. But I’ve grown up. Learnt to accept life. My limited loved ones have helped dampen my fire, but I know it’s still in there, burning where it belongs. You should not lose yourself, but never let your anger and sadness get the better of you. I’m… not okay. I know I may never recover from my mum’s death, but… I’m still in control. For now. And I can promise you I’m giving you this advice under a very sane mind. Take it from someone who knows life can trample on everything you believe in. The only comfort I can properly give you is that you’re not the only one in the world. There are people like you and me out there, stuck in pain. I can understand your anger and sadness, but you’re not the only person in this world who is suffering right now, physically and or mentally; you’re not the only girl who has just lost their aunt, nor are you the first to feel the pain of a loved one contracting cancer. We’ve just got to get through it and live life to the most.”

[lucinda]

Luci sobbed so much that day that she feared she'd drown in her own tears. Luci didn't care. She'd rather die than live such a sorry miserable life. Her aunt was gone. Her father was sitting in London lon his death bed, and this vacation Lucinda Marie Warren would have to endure countless weeks of her mother and sisters treating her like a servant. They never cared about her, and they never will. Luci could just imagine her mother now. Laying in her overstuffed pink bed laughing laughing maniacally at the cruel situation her husband and his family had been put in. The news would probably put a perfect end to her already perfect day. Luci let out a loud sob as she thought about it.

Luci didn't know how it happened, but at one point, the older girl started giving her some sort of speech. Until that point, Luci had almost forgotten she was there. But now she was talking again. At first, Luci wasn't really listening to what the girl had to say, but soon, the words began to sink in. It wasn't her fault. There was nothing she could do about it, so she just had to accept it. Luci picked up the forgotten cup of hot chocolate and held it in her hands, staring at the brown pool of water.

"Wow..."Luci said, staring into the cup. "I...I...I never really thought of it that way." She took a small sip of the chocolate and continued with her depressed type of voice. "I guess...up until now, I had such a great life. I spent the summers and most of my vacations with my great dad and amazing aunt and then came here and had the time of my life...but then, dad got cancer and mom started trying to gain custody of me and from there, everything just spiraled down until finally, the news about my aunt sent me toppling down into this pool of infinite misery." Luci said sadly. Suddenly, Ariane said something that made her sadness and her confusement complete. She told Luci that her mother died.

"Oh my gosh!" Luci said with a gasp. "I'm so sorry. I would have never guessed. You seemed so calm and poised. How did you handle it?" Luci couldn't imagine loosing a loved one and then going about the day with not a tear in their eye like nothing ever happened. Suddenly, she felt guilty about the way she acted. She had been so insensitive to anyone's feelings but her own. She had been so into her small world of sadness and misery that she failed to notice anyone's feelings but her own. "I guess you're right." She said with a small smile. She wiped her tears and sat up straight in her chair. I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten in days. Would you like to go down to the Great Hall with me to get some food?

[Ariane Chan]

((Apologies for the late reply; I think after doing my English Literature exam I should allow myself some downtime. ))

Ariane gave a loud sigh as she watched the younger Luci stare into her cup, her faltering voice echoing words she understood rather well herself. When Ariane was little, naïve and innocent, she too had thought life was great. Children had those illusions. To live was to be loved and to love, to have fun and to do the things you want to do. That was what Ariane used to think. But not anymore. Since her family moved to America when she was a child, since her father began to treat them like the rest of his prejudiced family, Ariane had never thought that life would ever be perfect ever again. She had learnt it at an early age, and although it was painful, heart wrenching, it made her stronger for the future pains that were kept in store for her. Yet, Ariane had never expected her precious mother to be brutally taken away from her too. Once again, Ariane had to remind herself that life was not perfect. No. It was not perfect at all. Even when you think it’s safe, when you think God can’t do any more to hurt you, the world strikes back.

Ariane felt the understanding and sympathy rise in her chest as Luci glazed over about how things had changed so quickly. She resisted a bitter smirk, thinking how cruel and unexpected things could happen. Her mother’s death had certainly not been perceived. Ariane gave a light sigh when Luci began to apologise, obviously surprised about her news, and waved her apology away. “Don’t be sorry.” Although she was not keen on opening up to Luci, Ariane was pleased to know that it was not apparent that she was currently in turmoil, glad that her façade was still in place despite everything. “Appearances can be deceiving.” Ariane stated firmly in reply, “I’m handling it right now. I only found out yesterday myself.” She almost cracked a small smile, suppressing the urge to say “we’re in the same boat”. That would’ve sounded too friendly, too endearing. Hopefully, once Luci was feeling better, once this conversation was over, Ariane could stand up, walk away, and Luci could forget about her existence.

“How do I do it?” Ariane frowned as she attempted to answer the question. It was a personal one for her, but if Luci wanted to know how to cope, then Ariane felt obliged to help her out. Ariane knew how it felt in Luci’s position, and perhaps she could help this girl through her turmoil even if she couldn’t save herself. “I… don’t think about it. I certainly don’t try and put the blame on other people. I don’t even try and get angry at life. I’ve done that too many times already. I just block out everything from my head, leaving nothing. It works for me. It’s not a method I’d advise anyone to use, but as long as I can forget the pain, I’m happy.” Ariane muttered with blunt honesty, leaning against the comfortable armchair. “Advice I will give willingly to you though, is to look forward rather than dwell in the past. Comfort yourself with your friends, people who support you. Say goodbye to the past which haunts you and makes you sad. Then go and live a happy, healthy life. You will be sad at times, and mourn your lost loved ones, but life goes on. Time doesn’t wait for you, so grasp it in your hands.” Ariane finished resolutely, before adding with a smile in her eyes, “Good luck to both of us.”

It seemed Luci was much calmer now. Ariane drew out her wand, pointed them at the now empty mugs, and cleared them away. Hearing Luci’s offer, Ariane thought for a moment about whether or not she was hungry, and if she really wanted to continue being in the presence of this girl. She was rather hungry, having barely eaten for several hours, yet she had no appetite. Ariane wanted to be alone, but knew if that were to be the case, she would do nothing but obsess, fall into that dark hole of misery. She didn’t want to consumed by darkness again. Being in other people’s company meant distraction, a lifeline away from sorrow. Sighing inaudibly to herself, Ariane finally nodded at Luci with a hint of an accepting smile on her face. “Sure… I’m not really bothered.”