Alone just isn't an option, is it? ((Sophia))

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn gave a glance back to the Common Room as she left it. She had no idea how she got past all of her friends. Why did they have to be so caring and nice? Maryn loved them all, but they were smart. They knew how much she was going through now. First, with Nate’s condition and now with Leon.. Yes, Maryn had been in a great deal of pain especially after Leon’s death, but the best thing for her was to not talk or think about it. Why couldn’t they understand that? Maryn loved her friends, but she really did need some space. Actually, a lot of space. Maryn wasn’t over Leon and it would take a long, long time for her to get used to life without him. She couldn’t even bare to look at Flo or May for the time being. No, Maryn needed some time without her friends for a while. It would be good for her. She loved them dearly, but deep down Maryn knew she really needed this. Maryn needed freedom from all the things they would surely say to her. Maryn was even getting comments from people she didn’t know, but those weren’t the ones the really made her sad. No, the comments from her friends were all right on and that’s what made Maryn remember too much. She needed some space and Maryn had strength enough to demand it. True, she was still pretty weak, but she knew what she wanted. Maryn would get over all of this in time, but it would take time.

Maryn didn’t exactly look the same from a few months ago. Before she found out her brother was ill, Maryn had straight, light brown, however, nearly blond hair that she demanded to wear down. She wore crazy punk like clothes that no one really understood. At that time, her make-up was changing from everything simple to everything crazy, but now all that had changed. Maryn’s hair became lighter over the summer for some reason. Now, sometimes it really did look blond even though it still had that trace of brown lingering in it. Maryn wore her hair up now in a medium high pony tail at the back of her head. Her make-up was minimal and she didn’t care too much about that. Maryn looked girly, more girly than normal. She wondered if boys were paying more attention to her now, but she didn’t let that thought linger in her head. Too much was going on in her life now. She would take baby steps. Maryn needed that. Maryn walked through the castle. She was in school uniform so she tried to hide behind her Gryffindor robes using them as a shield from the few friends that walked by. Yepp, Maryn had too many of them and they all cared too much. However, Maryn seemed to find the entrance to the castle soon enough to not engage in conversation with any one of her numerous friends. She took her wand from her pocket, opened the large doors, and headed out into the grounds.

Maryn smiled briefly at its beauty. She hadn’t visited the grounds since last year. Maryn had many memories from this place. She walked over towards the lake. Maryn remembered all the times she had swam in the lake here and danced in the rain here. Maryn loved rain, however, it was a bright day so rain wouldn’t happen. She smiled a bit making her way over to the lake. Maryn stood on that small cliff that she had jumped off into that water back in may. She remembered that easily. That was only days before she had found out about Nate. Maryn neared it and stood on the very edge. She wasn’t about to jump into that abbess of waves, but she wanted to. Maryn had done it before, it wouldn’t hurt her, but she wouldn’t jump. Something was holding her back, but Maryn didn’t know what it was. Maryn just stood there letting the slight breeze from the lake move her pony tail. She let the breeze over take her completely and she just smiled. She wasn’t thinking about Nathan or Leon. She was just thinking about how great it would be to fly right now and how much she needed that feeling.

[Sophia Hallington H7]

Sophia was quite happy with life that morning. It was the second day of the new term, and the beginning of her 4th year at Hogwarts. It was only lunchtime, but her day really couldn't have been any better. She had had Arithmancy, Herbology and Charms that morning-3 of her favourite subjects. Sophia was still dreading the coming year, in a way, for she was starting on her OWL courses. However, she wasn't going to let that grind her down, even if she did have double potions that afternoon. But, in general, she was happy with life.

Sophia had changed a bit over the summer. She had become more...confident, in a way, despite the horrible start, having been bullied on the train on the way back, by none other than Vincent Crabbe-one of the most evil boys in the school. Luckily he'd graduated now, so there was nothing for her to fear. She had decided to make a fresh start this year-try to talk to more people in an attempt to make more friends, contribute more in class and generally try her best to understand as much as possible in all her subjects, so she could get good OWL results, even if she wasn't particularly academic.

So, once she'd eaten her lunch, and dumped her stuff in the common room, she made her way out to the grounds. She loved coming out here, whatever the time of year. In the summer it was usually nice and warm and sunny. In autumn there were all the leaves on the ground to kick around and have fun with. In winter it snowed a lot, so there was plenty of oppurtunity to make snowmen and things, and the scenery was amazing. In the spring, it was always fresh, with all the buds on the flowers, and the crispness of the winter still lingered in the air. So she came out here whenever she wanted a bit of peace and quiet.

Today, however, was going to be the beginning of her new confidence, and standing by the lake, she saw a girl that looked vaguely familiar, and walking closer, she noticed that it was Maryn Livley, a Gryffindor in her year, who was in some of her lessons. However, she looked different-more...normal, was the word? Yep, she was in her school uniform, but there were differences-she had her hair up, whereas she used to have it down, whatever-there must be something wrong. It must be at least partly down to the sad, unfortunate, shocking death of Leon-they always seemed pretty close.

"Maryn?" Sophia said, cautiously, as she approached the other girl. "What's wrong...there must be something...". This was another strange thing-Maryn always used to be quite lively and outgoing-normally she'd probably in the lake by now, or laughing with one of her friends or something. Something serious must be wrong...

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn showed a slight smile as she smelt the lake sent. Actually, it wasn't that appealing like Maryn thought it would be. Who was she kidding? This was a dirty old lake, not a beautiful ocean. Maryn loved the ocean. That is where she met Flo and Rosaliz, but Maryn sadly hadn't been there in over a year. Maryn loved the smell there. She loved the sound of the crashing waves and the noise of the little kids laughing and running about. Maryn missed that. She loved Hogwarts, but it wasn't the same as the muggle world. Maryn wished she could be back in London. If she were, she might have found the time to visit the beach with Tommy and Mercy. Nate, of course wouldn't be able to come, but Maryn would take pictures for him. He would love that, but sadly Maryn knew her days at the beach were pretty much over. She looked down at the Black Lake. Something was holding her back. Maryn wouldn't take the risk now. Why couldn't she do it? In the past Maryn loved risks, but ever since Leon's accident, Maryn just couldn't put herself through it. Maryn wanted to, but she just couldn't. Maryn frowned at the lake now. Who was she? Maryn really couldn't answer that question. Even a year ago, she couldn't answer it, but now it was just harder. Actually, she just couldn't do it. Who was she? That was a very good question.

Maryn turned upon hearing a voice. Sophia Hallington. Maryn knew her from classes and of course she was a dorm mate of Flo Murvac, a friend of Maryn. Maryn looked at her calmly and then she glanced back at the lake. Sophia knew something was wrong. Yes, there was, but Maryn didn't think people would be concerned that she wouldn't jump in the lake. People knew her too well and yet Maryn really didn't know why. She just just a lowly little fourth year and yet gossip still spread about her. Or maybe Sophia could just tell by the way Maryn looked. She did look strange. Usually, Maryn would have tons of make-up on and bright jewelry, but not anymore. Maryn looked at Sophia calmly, but she didn't know what to say. She just didn't. Maryn probably could just say fine and that would be the end of it, but fine was just an answer that wasn't working for her any longer. Maryn looked at Sophia and then back at the lake. Her eyes lingered at the little ripple of waves. She just stared at the green waters for a moment.

Maryn's eyes finally flickered back to Sophia. She still didn't know what to say, but of well. Maryn shrugged at Sophia. "I don't know what's wrong.." She said finally. Well, that was sort of a lie. She knew what was wrong with her. Leon was, but she didn't know why it was affecting her so much. Maryn didn't understand why his death and Nathan's illness had made her so different. Plus, Maryn didn't understand in what other areas it was making her different. Maryn looked at Sophia again. She pointed at the lake. "I can't do it anymore.." She said in a rugged voice. "I don't knew who I am anymore." She said letting one tear fall and no more. It was all true. Maryn didn't know who she really was any longer. She didn't know how she was supposed to react in certain situations and things like that. Maryn just didn't know. She turned from Sophia for a moment and stared at the lake. What was holding her back?

[Sophia Hallington H7]

She just didn't know who she was anymore...perhaps the one answer that wouldn't have particularly surprised Sophia-Maryn definitely wasn't herself-she couldn't me further from it...but it was still a shock-probably becuase Sophia had never heard anyone talk quite like that. In her past she had had to comfort friends through difficult situations, but this must be a new extreme. The outgoing, lively, confident Maryn had been replaced with a quiet, shy Maryn, seemingly feeling held back. And as for saying she just can't do it anymore...what was that supposed to mean? Was she tired of having so much pressure from things that were going on, or something more extreme? Whatever it was, it sounded bad, and Sophia felt that something must be changed, if at all possible.

"Hey, don't worry...things may look particularly dim right now-I'm sorry to hear the terrible news about Leon...you two always seemed quite close. And now we're starting our OWL courses this year, you really don't need all the pressure. What about things at home...is something bad happening there too? I'll be sorry to hear if there is...". Sophia had a feeling that there probably was something wrong, other than Leon's accident and OWLs starting-that was a lot to cope with, but not quite enough to tip a girl's behaviour upside down.

"And what about your friends? Aren't they helping at all? If something bad happened in my life, they'd probably be the first people I'd turn to. Even if they don't completely understand, they should try to comfort you, cheer you up...even try to take your mind of things for a while, perhaps. I mean, that's what friends are for, right?" Sophia smiled slightly at Maryn...maybe what she said wasn't the best idea-at times like this, some people prefer to be left alone, rather than spend time with friends, and now it seemed like Maryn was one of these people. But whatever the whole situation was like, Sophia would attempt to help-nothing upset her more than seeing other upset people, especially when they didn't seem tp be doing much to cheer themselves up.

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn didn't even look at Sophia as she talked. Too much. It was all too much. First Nate then Leon. Why did this all have to happen now, in Maryn's fourth year? Or better yet, why did it have to happen at all? Maryn didn't understand what twisted fate she was living under now, but she didn't like these changes. they weren't making her any stronger. Maryn sighed. She looked at Sophia as she said the name Leon. Leon..Maryn could still see his face in her head, but would it stay there forever? Would she always remember him or would she forget? Maryn didn't know yet, but for now Maryn remembered him. Remembered..Why did that word have to have an ed on the end? Why couldn't it just be remember as to say Leon was still alive? But, that was just what Maryn wanted. That wasn't reality. Maryn looked at Sophia and then at the lake. "I'm sorry too. It just doesn't seem real, you know?" Maryn asked. "I am he was there, he was just there on the train and then he was gone." Maryn said recalling that day on the train where Leon had made Maryn feel so much stronger. He had helped her so much and now all that help had been turned into nothing. Maryn was right back where she had started, but now she was worse. "I guess we were close. We were just us.." Maryn said knowing that made no sense had all. They were close friends, but Maryn just thought of them as them. Maryn and Leon together was friends and a strange combination. They had a different way of being friends then Maryn knew from any of friend boy she had ever had.

Maryn nodded her head at Sophia. "Nate." She said soundly. "I mean, my brother, Nate has Leukemia. He's getting better though, well I think. They say he is getting better, but it will still be months before he is out of the hospital." Maryn said sighing. "He's strong though. He will be okay." Maryn went on. Nathan would be okay, but Leon, he wouldn't. "I found out right before school ended last year and Leon helped me out." She said not even know why she was telling Sophia all of this. "When he.." Maryn paused as she couldn't finish without crying. She shook her head not letting herself cry and gulped instead. "When he passed, I didn't really understand at first. I mean how can a person that helped me so much be taken from this world by a stupid idiot that hit him and left him dead in the street?" The tears fell now. Maryn couldn't stop them nor did she try to. No, she just let the tears fall knowing there was no way to stop them.

Maryn whipped the tears from her face as she shook her head. Why was she this weak? Why couldn't she be strong like Nate? But, Maryn wasn't strong like Nate. She just wasn't. Maryn shook her head at Sophia's comment. Sure her friends tried to cheer her up. Oh course they had, but Maryn didn't need that. "They try, they fail." Maryn said soundly looking at Sophia. "When they talk about Leon, I just see his face.Then they talk about Nate and I just see my sick, bald brother in the hospital with tubes sticking out of him fighting to live. Nate might be growing stronger, but his fight is still on. He isn't out of the woods yet." Maryn said moving an old tear from her face. "Friends are good for cheering people up, but sometimes people don't need cheering up, they need time." Maryn said eying Sophia. She had no more words to say. Maryn just looked at the ocean not able to stare at Sophia any more.

[Sophia Hallington H7]

Sophia was lost for words. She could think of nothing to say...she was, quite simply, gobsmacked. She knew about Leon, and what had happened over the summer...it had spread like wildfire all over the school. She knew they were close-just as friends, like-but she couldn't imagine the pain Maryn must be going through. Even Sophia, who barely knew him, was heartbroken-the life of a 14-year old, intelligent boy cut short by some maniac on the roads...it just wasn't right. And that wasn't the half of it-on top of all this, it turned out her brother was seriously ill too. How she was going to cope, she had no idea. All Sophia knew was that if she was in that situation, she wouldn't be able to see what life was worth any more. She didn't really have many close friends, and although her brother was a right pain most of the time, she didn't know what she'd do if she found out he had leukemia, or some other horrible disease.

She listened as Maryn described the last train journey with Leon. At the time, Sophia was either being tormented by Vincent Crabbe-the very thought of his name sent shivers down her spine-or being comforted somewhat by Ivy, in the year above her. And just a few carriages away, Maryn was, unknowingly, saying her final words to one of her closest friends. However, she did know what Maryn meant when she said that it didn't seem real-when she was 10, although she was pretty young, she lost her grandma to pneumonia. She had been very close to Granny Palmer, her mum's mum, and couldn't face the news of her death. She remembered that the only way to overcome it was to try to live as normal a life as possible, which was much easier said than done, but she managed in the end.

She mentioned this to Maryn, about her granny, adding "Well, I can't honestly say that I know how you feel, as I've never been in your situation, fully. However, I know what you mean about needing time to recover, and think about things, to be left alone. I am really, really sorry to hear about everything-you've really had it tough-more tough than most girls our age could handle. So just hang in there, and sometime in the future, the scars will start to fade-I know they'll never go away, I admit, but they'll fade. As I said, when my gran had just died, I couldn't fsce society properly for weeks, but then I found the best thing was to just face the truth, however much it hurt. what you've been through is really unfair on everyone-nobody deserves what you've bene through."

Then she noticed that Maryn had started to cry. It was as if she'd been holding back, trying to stop herself from crying. "Hey, don't hold back. Crying's good! It doesn't show weakness, if that's what you're worried about. It just show's you're normal-most people would expect you to cry, with what you've been through. Let it all out-don't coupe it all up inside, that'll only make it worse, as it'll build and build up, until it all comes out as one big mental breakdown or something-I'm not kidding. And you don't really want that to happen!"

((Sorry for the long wait! I've been pretty busy with school work and being out and stuff...sorry!))