Killing Me Softly ((Kennedy))

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona pulled her black jacket tight around her, crossing her arms in the process, as she made her way down the cobblestone path toward Hogsmeade. She was grateful for the Hogsmeade weekend. She hated the idea of being stuck inside the castle for one more weekend. Things weren't going well. Everything had been going so well, but now...now they were back to normal. She was no longer as happy as she had once been. Her emotions were killing her inside, being ripped apart from every direction. It was no wonder she was having difficulties with class. She couldn't concentrate enough with everything going on around her. The stuff with the Chosen, now with Kennedy, and Cass. Things were driving her up a wall slowly. How was she supposed to deal with all these things at once? Her head hung a bit lower as she felt a dull pain in her heart. Fiona subconsciously raised her hand to her heart and pressed a little at her chest trying to sooth the pain.

The pain didn't weaken at the gesture, but for some reason she still felt like it was worth it. She glanced around the village that came into view. Fiona could make out the mass of students that were milling around the streets. She knew it would be a long day with students popping in and out of Hogsmeade all day. Especially since tests were going to be happening soon and there were very few Hogsmeade trips left in the year. Fiona heard the sound of an approaching group and rolled her eyes in annoyance. They were coming from behind her and gaining fast. She moved to the side of the path trying to get far out of their way, but it still wasn't enough as an older Slytherin student brushed against her arm and side. He looked over at her and Fiona recognized him as Caleb Donnelly...one of the older Slytherins she was fast becoming friends with. He only responded with a nod as he stalked quickly toward Hogsmeade without a word. Fiona cocked her head in confusion before sighing. It seemed no one cared to speak with her anymore.

Fiona's eyes followed after Caleb and she watched as he disappeared in the crowd in Hogsmeade. As the mass of students continued to move around Hogsmeade, Fiona found herself drifting off the path and toward the Shrieking Shack, clearly not wanting to run into people again, especially ones that didn't seem to want to talk to her. Besides it had been a long time since she had paid the shack a visit and today seemed to be the perfect day. As the cold air bit at her hands she shoved them into her pockets, that's when the piece of paper touched her finger tips. She pulled out the slip of paper and her eyes fell upon the words from the Daily Prophet. But it wasn't the words that made her heart rip. It was the picture that accompanied the article. Her eyes wield up with tears and she found herself turning back to look at Hogsmeade. For a brief moment she had wondered where the article had come from, but it was clear where it had come from. Caleb must have slipped it into her pocket when he had brushed against her. He had been trying to talk to her for weeks now and she had been ignoring him. She didn't want Kennedy to think that she was seeing anyone other than him, but now...now she didn't care. She glanced back down at the picture of Cassandra and Kennedy in some pup together. The image creating a clear horror within her and bringing up many questions. "Why?" Fiona whispered to herself as she wiped at the tear cascading down her cheek.

OOC: I've been given expressed permission to use Caleb in this post just so you know...

[Kennedy Valak S6]

It was terrible, the feeling that something awful was simply looming over you and that there was nothing you could do to stop it. That was how Kennedy had been feeling lately. He and Fiona had still been having a tough time trying to work through the issues that had surfaced since the night of the ball. Pyro's meeting was still ahead, and not to mention, he hadn't even dared to tell Fiona about the new incidents with Cass. He was aware that Fiona knew that something was up, but he couldn't bring himself to confront her about it. It was an issue he was simply trying to deal with on his own, but Cass had her ways of seeming to pop into his life just when he least expected it. And still, despite all of his feelings for Fiona, he was not succeeding in pushing Cass as far from his life as he could. Part of her seemed to be with him wherever he went, and he couldn't shake it for anything.

It was another cold day as he walked alone on his way to Hogsmeade. Fiona had mentioned she might make the trip, but they didn't plan on anything for certain. Lately, their conversations were short and painful, simply because they had been just trying to get through until the meeting with Pyro. Kennedy was aware, as he was sure Fiona was, that they still had a lot of issues to sort through before everything would be back to the way it used to be. That seemed to be the key thought of his lately. No matter how hard he tried, the way things used to be seemed to become farther and farther from his grasp.

Following a large group of younger students, Kennedy walked with his hands in his pockets along the path just into Hogsmeade. Looking up, he noticed Fiona in the distance by the Shrieking Shack. He stopped and starred with a painful heart. He could tell that she was still hurting. Whether angry, sad, or just as confused as he was, Kennedy was furious with himself for allowing this to happen. Part of him, still wanting the ways of before, approached her with a solemn smile. "Hey," he said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder in a gentle manner. In the past weeks, he had been careful when approaching Fiona. Although they were still in a relationship, he knew that it was one needing a lot of mending. He wouldn't have blamed her if she just lashed out on him. In fact, one of these times, he was expecting it. Maybe this would be the time, although he hoped not. It had been so long since he remembered sharing a happy experience, and deep down, his heart longed for that among the mess that he had created.

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

OOC: *Grins* Look who's back to posting and you were lucky enough to be the first one since I got back! You should feel blessed!

The familiar voice reached Fiona's ears as she turned, her eyes blinking away the tears quickly. Kennedy's hand rested on her shoulder and she felt the urge to slap it away, but didn't. So many questions bombarded her mind and she just wanted to ask them all. How could she though? How could she possibly let Kennedy know that she knew what was going on? About why he had been so distant recently? And why he had agreed to go with Cass. Her blue/green eyes looked away from him as her body turned as well, staring back at the Shrieking Shack. She raised her head a little to make herself seem braver. Her hand grasping on tight to the article in her pocket. Eyes turned back to Kennedy quickly as she finally found the courage to speak her mind and tell him what she had been wanting to say for a while.

"Are you seeing her behind my back?" Fiona asked softly her eyes full of question. "Logton...Blackfire...whatever...are you seeing her after I told you not to?" The question was meant to test him and that's what she wanted. She needed to know whether she could trust him or not, not that she would even if Kennedy did tell her the truth. Too many things had come between them for her to trust him fully. Of course she had done the same to him. With The Chosen coming between them Fiona wasn't sure what she could possibly due to fix their relationship. She loved him...oh how she loved him, but some things didn't seem to be fixable. A cold hand ran through her hair as she waited for his answer. Hoping that he'd tell her the truth, but unsure if she truly wanted that answer to come from his lips.

The article in her pocket brushed against her fingers once again and the words seem to soak into her fingers, the picture playing across her memory in utter annoyance. Please Kennedy, don't lie to me. I don't know what I'll do if you lie to me. Just please don't tell me that you've fallen in love with her... the words running through her mind as she took a deep breath readying herself for the emotional pain that could very well rip through her being at any moment. Her eyes held Kennedy's and her hands balled into fists. A huge weight seemed to be resting on her shoulders as she tried to stay strong. But every second that passed seemed to be an eternity, until the words left his lips.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

It was pain, more than anything, that Kennedy saw in Fiona's glassy eyes. They were shielded by a layer of tears that he noticed her trying to hold back. That alone brought a surge of tears to his own eyes as he shut them tightly for a second to keep the tears from falling. When he opened them again, he saw the anger as well. It wasn't predominant, or at least that was what he hoped, but he could see it. He deserved it too.

Fiona was the first to speak, and her choice of topic caught him a little off guard. Sure, he knew she wasn't stupid or blind, but the accusations she was making were a sign that he had lost all of the trust that he may have ever earned from Fiona. That thought was like a stake in his heart. A brief flood of all of the memories that they shared distracted his thoughts for a moment as he wondered if they even mattered anymore. Sure they did. He still loved her. Even if he had lost all of her trust, he wasn't giving up now. Too much had happened just to let it all slip through his fingers into the darkness that had managed to encompass their relationship.

"No....no. It's not like that," he said painfully as he shook his head back and forth. He thought about how to explain it all, realizing that no matter how he worded it, he would be hurting Fiona regardless. But he owed her the truth. "You know how Cass is," he began, trying his best to at least get Fiona to see where he was coming from. "She is conniving, and yes I may have been sucked into her trap when I made that terrible mistake of going to the ball with her, but I am fighting Fiona. I am fighting as hard as I can to escape the bloody mind tricks that she uses. I don't love her, Fiona. I love you! Can't you see that I want to fix this. I want to fix this horrid mess that I have caused." He stopped, hoping she knew he was being sincere. He could take her anger, and her disappointment in him, as long as she would understand. As long as she could forgive him and help him to fix their relationship. "But I can't mend it on my own Fiona. You give me strength, and I need that strength. We need that strength if we are to get over this. Yes, we've fallen, but who says we can't get back up and keep going. I'm willing to try, Fiona. I want to try. I need to try. And... I need you."

[Fiona O'Reilly S5]

Fiona turned abruptly from Kennedy as the tear slid down her cheek. God she hated being so weak. She hadn't letting her emotions get the most of her and she hated being in this place with Kennedy. Pain was all she knew right then as his words drifted through her mind and pierced her very heart. Suddenly her whole emotional state switched in an instant. A cold, calm darkness seemed to wash over her and she took that darkness and fed off it. Why she needed to feel it she didn't know, but it almost seemed to comfort her as her heart cried. He was seeing her behind her back. Not only that, but he felt the need to tell her that he didn't love Cassandra...he loved her. Words like that meant there were deeper and more intense feelings underneath. Feelings that Fiona wasn't sure she wanted Kennedy to share with her, but feelings nonetheless that she didn't belong to. They were feelings for another person...another woman. And as such her life was crumpling before her very eyes, the stitches unwrapping themselves even as she threaded them. She laughed once to herself, more of a scoff than anything as she turned back to look at him, her eyes cold.

"Since when did you start using the name Cass? That's a nickname of hers isn't it? You say you love me...that you need me, but you're on friendly...no not friendly...close terms with Cass. Is there something I've missed along the way Kennedy? Some small, subtle hint that you were becoming entranced by her? What's worse though is that you couldn't even tell me. I had to learn about it from this," Fiona said in a soft calm voice as she pulled out the article and held it out for Kennedy. The scene from that day in Hogsmeade replayed on the page. Cassandra and Kennedy sitting together in the pub and a bright smile across Cassandra's face. Fiona felt her anger rise and she had to do everything within herself to control herself, to be calm.

Silence enveloped them for a few seconds before Fiona found the need to fill it with her voice. Her words were all she had at that moment and she wasn't even sure if she could trust her own voice not to falter as she looked intently back at Kennedy, a mixture of pain, love, fear, and happiness blending together within her. "You said you want things to get fixed between us. There's only one way for that to happen. You have to hurt her. Show me that you truly love me. Hurt Cass and this whole mess will just disappear and things will be the way they used to be between us. We'll be happy again."

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Coldness. Kennedy felt the atmosphere shift, almost as if Fiona had turned into a statue of ice. Her eyes, frozen with rage, were impossible for Kennedy to look at without feeling the awful wrench of guilt twisting at his stomach. He deserved it though, according to himself. Watching as his words were absorbed by Fiona's thoughts, his breath began to tighten in his chest and his heart rate quickened. It was a terrible feeling, and he wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but there, with Fiona, at that moment.

The hostility in Fiona's voice was more than palpable as she hissed the very name of Cassandra. Kennedy realized his stupidity in using the shortened version of her name, for it was obvious that Fiona would jump at any chance to catch him making one mistake, even if that one mistake was using the name Cass's friends called her. But then, he was hit with something he hadn't expected. Not only was Fiona accusing him of becoming too close to Cass, but she had brought out the photo and article that the blasted reporter had written from the day Cass and Kennedy met to discuss their situation. A burning anger began to pulse through Kennedy's veins as he looked at the article. Reaching for his wand, he was about to scorch the dreaded paper in flames, but then came to his senses just momentarily.

"It's not what you think," he said rather calmly, yet through gritted teeth. He sounded like a broken record, and realizing this only led to more frustration. Before he could explain though, Fiona began to lay down ultimatums- quite expected of her though, as Kennedy knew she wasn't going to let him talk his way out of this one.

"Hurt her?" he questioned rather annoyed by Fiona's request. "You mean you want me to physically harm her?" He pondered the idea for a second. "Something like you and the Chosen would do," he added with a hint of resentment still in his voice. "Or do you want me to hurt her like you hurt me, Fiona? Because... I can do that. I know how that hurt feels," he continued, still a lot of pain and frustration in his voice. "I can get close to her, and then keep secrets from her that, when revealed, would crush any tie we ever formed with one another." His voice was trembling, but it felt good to get some of his frustration out."

"I know I hurt you too," he added. "I'm not oblivious to the consequences that my actions have had. But in everything, I've thought about us Fiona. I never forgot about me and you. Can you honestly say that about the Chosen? I mean, seriously, did you ever wonder what it might do to us?" Knowing that he shouldn't go much farther, Kennedy felt a twinge of pain shoot through his chest. He didn't like hurting Fiona, and he was sure that he would only continue to hurt her if he went on.

"I'll do it," he said finally. "I'll hurt her if that's what you want. But be aware, the only thing I want is you, Fiona." Standing still, Kennedy let a moment of silence pass over them before becoming overwhelmed by the adrenaline that was pumping through him. Trying his best to figure out where this left them, Kennedy shook his head back and forth just slightly, his eyes staring into Fiona's, wondering what she was possible thinking at that very moment. And then, knowing nothing else to do, Kennedy turned away. Unable to say more, he left Hogsmeade and went back to the castle, the thought of what he had to do constantly swimming through his mind.