Reading on the Train (Sethia)

[payton]

He smiled at her instant promise not to go another year with out seeing or hearing form one another. It was exactly the answer he had wanted. What he had said earlier was true--a year a go she meant the world to him, and he would have given up nearly anything to be with her again, and it was too hard, and took him to long to learn to have a life again. Sethia was still important to him, no matter how distance and time had changed things between them, and he didn't want to go through loosing her again. When she hesitated before agreeing to a summer visit, he eyed her for a moment, wondering what might stop her from coming, and when she commented on staying at the Leaky Cauldron he immediately shook his head. "You will not. I guess you've heard then...I know there have been rumors that I'm not living at home for the summer. Works out a though, I have an extra room with a fold out couch. You will have more privacy now than you ever did back at the Family's flat." He sent Sethia an easy grin, happy that she would come to London to see him. It was a long time between when school ended and when tis tarted again, and now with this brief reminder of her, he didn't want to watch her get off the train, with nothing but a hope to see her again in the fall.

"Its decided then" he started, braking the moment of silence his thoughts had caused. "You will come to London for a few days, and you can stay in my new flat. And that means you can see the new play...organge walls in my bedroom and everything, and meet my flatmate. Its not too far from the Family either...we could go over there one night so you can see them all again if you'd like." He grinned at Sethia, happy that there were plans again, and that it was some guarantee i his mind that she wouldn't just disappear again. "You know, I didn't really intend to move out, but I sort of fell into it. Jilli, who I'm moving in with, lost her old flatmate and didn't think she could keep the flat if she lived alone, so it seemed perfect to just move in." He sent Sethia another easy smile, giving himself a mental note to give Jilli some warning that they would have a guest. He could just see the look she would give him if he came by with a guest completely unannounced.

[sethia]

A summer where she got to see Payton, what could be more wonderful? Nothing, that’s what! Her visit would allow them the chance to talk, catch up and get to know each other all over again. She was already looking forward to her visit and hearing everything that Payton had been up to while she was gone. She flashed him a surprised smile as he protested against her staying at the Leaky Cauldron and instead told her she would stay in his new flat. She blushed a little as he asked about her hearing the rumours of him moving out, yes she had heard them and they had been rather surprising to her. She couldn’t picture Payton not living amongst the tumult of the Moore household, but she had just taken it as another sign of the changes that happen when one is gone for a long time.

She laughed at Payton’s comparison of his new home and his old in terms of privacy, there really hadn’t been any at the Moores’ but for some reason she hadn’t minded all that much. She had actually enjoyed sharing a room with his sisters, it was something she had never had the opportunity to experience before and she rather liked it. “Yes, privacy wasn’t exactly rampant at your house, but it wasn’t that bad,” she commented with a grin. “But are you sure you don’t mind me staying with you Payton? I wouldn’t want to get in the way with you sorting out your new place,” she said with a much calmer expression than her true feelings. She was thrilled to be staying with him, all that remained was telling aunt Hetty, but she was sure she would let her go knowing how much it would mean to her to be near Payton after all this time. The truth was, now that she wasn’t so on edge anymore, she didn’t want to have to wait all those months till fall to be able to see him again. She had gotten a taste of the Payton candy and she wanted more of it.

When he declared that it was decided and that she would be joining him at his new flat, Sethia couldn’t help but smile, trust Payton to make something official on his own accord without thinking of the technicalities in between. “Oh no Payton, not orange walls,” she said laughing at him, a genuine laugh that went all the way up to her eyes. “You do love that colour.” Flatmate? She hadn’t heard that he had a flatmate just that he’d moved out on his own. A flatmate must be fun. She wondered who he was. “I’d love to see them,” she said smiling and hoping they understood why she had been away for so long. She bit her lip slightly thinking over what her next meeting with the Moores would be like.

She was pondering the scenario of seeing Payton’s family again over in her mind, when something slipped through amongst the tangled web of speculated looks and reactions…Jilli. Sethia looked up at Payton, he was smiling as usual, but her expression said it all, a blank stare. A girl? Payton had moved in with a girl?! The world stopped. She hadn’t thought he was living with a girl; it was something that would never have crossed her mind in a million years, but that how it was. “Jilli?” she said slowly and looked over at the seat across from her, not sure what to say. “Wow…amazing how things happen isn’t it?” she said, her mind still trying to come to grips with the fact that Payton was living with a girl. Things had changed more than she’d thought, and apparently it didn’t leave her in a very good position. She absently searched her pockets for something to hold her hair back, her hands finding a black hair wrap in her pocket before both of her hands when to her blond tresses. She stood as she attempted to stuff her hair up behind her head, suddenly very annoyed by it. She blinked away the tear of shock, frustration and disappointment before turning to look at Payton again. “You really have great luck don’t you?” she teased as best she could before taking her original seat again.

[payton]

“Of course I don’t mind” he interrupted almost immediately. There was no way when she came to visit that he was going to send her off to stay in an Inn when he had more than enough room right at the flat. And Jilli wouldn’t mind either, or at least not with out a bit of warning. She may pretend she was spontaneous, but really she liked to be well aware of things in advance. The most spontaneous thing from her had been accepting his plan to move into the flat. “And don’t worry, I’ll be well moved in, I haven’t got much to move in really, just my personal stuff. The rest of the flats already up and being lived in, so I luck out a bit there.”

His mind was running off on its own thoughts about Sethia’s visit when he heard her repeat Jilli and it struck him that it sounded strange to hear someone else call her that. He always did, but to everyone else she was Jillian or Jill. Once the name caught his attention, he focused again on Sethia, and was caught off guard by her blank stare. It hadn’t quite hit him before than anyone other than his parents would have an issue with him living with Jilli, but then things between Sethia and himself did complicate things a bit. Sethia started to try and cover up her shock, fumbling with her hair elastic, but he knew better than to believe it. “Yeah…Jill goes to Howarts too, we became friends this spring…she really helped me finish getting over everything that had happened…and now…I don’t even know, she’s my best friend I guess.”

[sethia]

“Mmm,” was Sethia’s reply as Payton began to talk about how far he was with moving in and how Jilli was already comfortably settled in the rest of the flat. He was living with a girl; she was still finding it difficult to get past that part. Payton Moore was living with…Jilli, whoever she was. Sethia’s mind was still baffled by this turn of events, her hand having found a strand of hair that had escaped her elastic’s grasp and her fingers becoming occupied twirling it. This was surreal, it just couldn’t be. She was trying to convince herself this was some delirium she was suffering, but she knew she wasn’t that lucky. She suddenly had the picture of Payton and this Jilli person standing in the kitchen of their flat, Payton making something and offering it to her to test the flavour. The sight was so sweet and cute it was making her ill.

She slowly drifted back to reality as Payton began to talk again. She looked across at him, her face still, her mind still teetering between what it was envisioning and what he was saying. She nodded her head absently; Jilli was at Hogwarts too…perfect. She smiled and emotionless smile as Payton told her that Jilli had helped him get over everything that happened. Her eyes moved to the door…does that include me?

She looked back at Payton, the same smile on her face, “Well…that’s nice. Can’t wait to meet her... glad she was there for you.” Knowing how things worked Jilli would be this stunning beauty and Sethia would return to being the invisible girl in the corner during her visit…wonderful. She was really looking forward to this trip now. She unwrapped her chocolate again and stuck another chunk in her mouth. Say what he may, it was better for her to eat chocolate than to say what she was thinking. The strand of twisted hair dangled by her cheek as she ate the rich cocoa treat, this was going to be a great trip.

“I guess you have to check with her about me staying there?” she asked trying to sound calm and collected. “I mean I’m sure she would want some warning that you’re having…a friend over for a while.” It sounded so odd to call herself that again…Payton’s friend.

[payton]

He knew it was maybe all hard to take in, but he didn't know what else to tell Sethia. She was gone and his life felt shattered. It wasn't until Jill came around he even realized how much he hadn't moved on after the attacks, and somehow she made him. It wasn't anything she tried to do, or even anything he noticed happening. The change was slow, but steady, she took away the seriousness, and the concern he faced every day after the attacks. She helped him be become himself again, and though that she became more important to him than he ever thought possible after feeling as if he had lost Sethia. He swallowed for a moment, the awkward silence between them needing to be broken, but he wasn't sure how to explain Jilli any further than he already had, or that Sethia truly wanted any further explanation. Finally Sethia made some comment about meeting her, and how she was glad that he had someone who was there for him. "She's great, a bit rough around the edges and anti-social, but there really is a much better Jilli underneath all that." He had a smile on his face as he said it, though he wasn't quite sure about how the two would hit it off. They were very different in a lot of ways. Sethia was sweet and kind, with a level of maturity. Jill had a sharp edge to her, sure she was nice, but first she was cynical and skeptical.

Sethia covered up her feelings with chocolate again, and he left her alone for it, knowing better than to force the subject right away. "I'll warn her" he answered to Sethia's comment. "But Jilli wont care as long as she knows...besides its my flat too, so if I want a guest, I'll have one." He sent Sethia an easy smile, giving her hand a gentle squeeze as he tried to push past whatever feelings Sethia might have about the whole situation. "Besides, your not just some random old friend, Sethia, you know that."

[sethia]

Chocolate was definitely going to become her ally on this trip, she could tell that already. Perhaps she shouldn’t have come back…perhaps she had been better off staying in Yorkshire on the farm and being a muggle instead of having to start everything all over again. A lot was sinking in that what Payton was saying, she was realising some truths she hadn’t even noticed before. Despite telling herself that life would change when she was gone and that she could handle coming back to it and having to start fresh, the truth was, that in her heart she had hoped everything would be as it was when she left. She had hoped that when she saw Payton again it would have been all too natural, and all the feelings that had been there wouldn’t have changed. She was being forced to accept that things had changed even more than expected and she really didn’t want them to.

“Glad she’s so wonderful,” Sethia said with a smile that was as sweet as honey and as fake as a counterfeit note. “I’m sure we’ll get along great,” she added, but in her heart doubting it. Sethia wasn’t a resentful person or hateful in anyway, but she doubted very much she could be buddy-buddy with the person who had taken her place in Payton’s life. She nodded at Payton as he said he’d warn Jilli she was coming, and that he had every right to have a guest since it was his flat too.

Payton gave her an easy smile, obviously comfortable with the entire situation. He squeezed her hand and she looked down at it. “Sure I do,” she said with a smile, and finally looking back at him. “I’m great,” she said with a grin. She had to brush up on her acting skills; she was getting rusty after not having to use them for so long. “Hey…want to see some pictures? We do have a long ride back to London,” she said moving her hand and reaching for her bag which was sitting on top of her trunk. Seconds later she pulled out a set of pictures which had been taken while they were together but most were of her on the farm during the last year. “Aunt Hetty got kind of sentimental after the accident, insisted we take pictures all the time. I don’t know why I even brought them with me,” she said laughing slightly as she handed them to Payton.

[payton]

He let out another long deep breath, aware by Sethia’s behavior that she was bothered by something, and that something was the fact that he was living with Jill. So perhaps he should have expected it a bit, instead of being sure that everything would simply be normal when she realized how different the summer would be for him, but he hadn’t been ready for it. Sethia, and probably most people for that matter, didn’t see it how he saw it. He just saw it as living with Jill, others saw it as something more. Sethia’s voice was almost sickeningly sweet when she said she was glad that Jill was so wonderful, and he though for a moment that Sethia would prefer to hear her faults than what made her wonderful.

He knew everything after was face, and even the pictures were a cover, and it was almost painful to him. It never use to be like this. Things were always easy and natural between then. He didn’t like the awkward fake feeling that surrounded them now, and part of him longed to turn back the clock. “I’d love to see your pictures” he commented as he took them from Sethia. “And there’s nothing wrong with being sentimental…sometimes you just want to remember things how they were at that moment, so part of you can hold onto it forever.” He found himself swallowing hard after he said it, wondering when he became so philosophical. He held the photos for a moment, but didn’t start to look at them yet. Instead he looked back at Sethia, still trying to figure everything out. “Seth…I don’t want things to be like this between us. I can stand the awkward and the disconnect with other people, but not with you.”

[sethia]

Sethia held the photos out to Payton, waiting for him to take them and see what she’d kept herself occupied with during their time apart, and perhaps remember fondly the times they had together. Was she happy having to use photos and chocolate to hide how she truly felt, a thousand times no, but what else could she do…be honest?! There was too much at risk to do that, namely her heart, an object that had been hurt enough as it was.

She smiled as Payton said he wanted to see her photos. “I know,” she said softly, “It’s just she never was like before,” she commented. She looked at Payton, his words hitting a soft spot with her. “I know. I’m glad she made me take them; they gave me something to keep my mind busy when I wasn’t on the farm. Aunt Hetty and I would look through them when we were adding more to the bunch. She really liked the ones from Christmas,” she added looking down at the stack of photos in their case. She waited for him to open them, but he didn’t. She looked up at him again as he spoke, her lips parted as if to say something but finding the words were lost somewhere between her brain and her vocal chords.

She sat back, resting her head against the cushion behind her, and her eyes locked on Payton. She crossed her arms over her chest and bit her lip as she thought of what to say, but finally she decided to just say whatever came to her. Things couldn’t get much worse now could they? “I’m sorry Payton,” she began to apologise. “I didn’t expect to feel this way either, and I don’t like it,” she admitted. She looked around the compartment as she contemplated being honest or just using something else as cover. However, when her eyes rested on Payton again she knew she couldn’t make up another act to try to fool him, it was useless.

She closed her eyes momentarily, taking in a deep breath and exhaling in a slow soft sigh. “I didn’t expect to see you now,” she began, starting with a fact that was true. “When I came back to Hogwarts, I thought I might see you, but I didn’t and I thought it was better left till fall when I would be officially back at school. I wanted to see you,” she said looking at him, “I wanted to see you so much, but I also feared it,” she admitted. She laughed a nervous laugh before continuing. “Everyday I went over how it would be when I came back. I pictured us seeing each other and falling over ourselves just at the sight of each other, but different. I told myself that things would have changed, but in my heart, I don’t think I ever believed it. I always thought we’d go right back to where we were before,” she continued, tears starting to well in her eyes. “I told myself that you would have moved on; I tried to let myself get used to that. I mean you’re one of the most popular guys in our house, it was a miracle you noticed me the first time, I didn’t expect to keep your attention while I was gone…but I hoped I would.”

Everything was just flowing from her, it was so natural, so unplanned and so honest, probably the most honest thing she had said since she arrived in the compartment and saw him. “I knew things would be different…I just never realised how much, and I’m not ready for it,” she admitted as she attempted to camouflage her attempt to wipe away a tears as something being in her eye. She sniffled for a second and then looked back at Payton, “I’m glad you’ve got Jilli,” she told him. She stood feeling acutely embarrassed and incredibly stupid, “Leave them on the seat when you’re done,” she told Payton, referring to the pictures, as she got up and left the compartment yet again.

[payton]

He stayed quite as Sethia spoke, trying to keep his breath steady as he took in everything she was saying. He never really expected to be having this conversation with her of all people. Everything was so easy and natural with her, it wasn't like this, where they had to force themselves to be honest, and when tears came when they did. He saw them coming, and silently he lifted a hand, gently dragging his thumbs below Sethia's eyes to wipe them away before they rolled down her cheeks. He didn't like it when she was upset, especially when he knew it was because of him. He hadn't meant for anything this to happen. He hadn't wanted things to become awkward and confusing for them, but somehow it had turned out that way and he knew all they could do no was push through. There was no avoiding it.

He stayed quiet, letting Sethia say her peace until she told him to just leave the photos when he was done and pushed herself up tot leave. He followed after her, grabbing her had just as she left the compartment and pulled her back towards him, turning her around so she faced him. "You don't have to apologies for anything, ever, especially if its about something you feel. Seth, life just....got away from us, and its no ones fault. I don't care that you were trying to be fine with thinking I moved on--I didn't want to move on. I wasn't fine with the idea. I just...I didn't know if I would see you again, or when, I didn't know what life was doing to either of us and moving on just snuck up on me. Even then, I didn't really move on. Jill and I are friends, and yeah, I'm glad shes there for me, she is my best friend and I love her and I don't know where I could be with out her...but she's just a friend. Jill doesn't by into the whole prince charming romance thing....thats not why she keeps me around or why were living together." He paused for a moment, lifting a hand up to Sethia's cheek and brushing away some hair that had escaped when she started to leave the compartment. "I don't know where anything in life is really, or what the future holds for any of us, but I don't want you to walk about until we figure it out."

[sethia]

Sethia pushed out the compartment door, the feeling of claustrophobia creeping up on her, even though she never had that feeling before. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this, it wasn’t, but there was nothing she could do to change it. She would get to the bathroom and get herself together, whether or not she would continue the trip in the same compartment as Payton was still left to be seen. All she wanted to do right then was get her cry out and pretend this wasn’t happening. She never thought she would cry over Payton, at least not like this. She was always her happiest with him, and now it seemed that that happiness was finally brining in the pain. She would never understand why that had to be, why was it that people you care about so much always had to leave or change and leave you behind.

She turned to her right outside the door, trying to head towards the bathrooms but finding she couldn’t as Payton was holding her hand. He pulled her back towards him and she looked at him sadly. She nodded her head silently, her eyes moving from his face to his chest as Payton spoke. Yes, life had gotten away from them, it ran on ahead and they both had to try to catch up, and though it seemed Payton had, Sethia was still lost somewhere in the background. She listened to Payton, her eyes going to his face again. She couldn’t’ blame him, and she wasn’t angry at him, she didn’t think she could be. He just did what anyone would have done, well, anyone but her. Sethia was always different that way, and she didn’t mind it.

“Payton, if you moved on I can’t blame you, most people would have. I was gone and you have your own life, and Jill is part of it…I get it.” At least she and Jill had one thing in common; they both didn’t believe in Prince Charming, Sethia had been through too much in her life to believe in fairytales. Payton tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear, and Sethia didn’t try to stop him. “I don’t know either, all I know is the things I held onto before, don’t exist anymore and… I’m lost. I thought I had it all figured out, I thought I had prepared myself for anything, but I was wrong.” Her eyes looked into Payton’s, but then left him as someone tried to get past them in the corridor. The boy gave them both a curious look and a grin before continuing on his way. “We better go back inside,” she told Payton before slipping past him back into the compartment.

She didn’t sit, she couldn’t, she was too on edge for it, so instead she stood in the middle of the room looking at Payton. Who would have ever thought a question would stand between the two of them, and what a question it was. Was there anything left for Payton and Sethia, or was it over? And if it was over, how was she going to deal with it? That question was left for Sethia to figure out for herself.

[payton]

He took a deep breath before stepping back into the compartment, just as Sethia had suggested. Perhaps it was better if they dealt with this in a more private setting, even if he didn't care who saw or knew. He was never exactly secretive about his feelings, but perhaps that came from his more outgoing nature, or the fact that people seemed to like it better when he didn't hold back. They all though it was something different and special that he didn't hide part of himself. Once inside he stood for a moment, finally sitting down on the bench where he had before Sethia got up to leave. He watched her after he sat, wishing she would sit down as well, but she looked as if her world had been shattered, and it was heartbreaking to know that he had been the one to shatter it. There was nothing in life he wanted less than to hurt her.

He took another deep breath, trying to get his mind to focus and think clearly again. It seemed like everything had happened so slowly for so long and it now it was coming too fast to keep up with. "I think we have to start over" he finally said, breaking their silence. "Its been long enough that things are just....different, and I think the only thing we can do is start over...." It sounded strange to him as the words came out of his mouth. He always imagined the happy reunion between Sethia and himself, but now he felt confused. He thought it would be easy and natural, that nothing would have changed between them, but somehow, they had. Maybe it was the accident, and the fact he had to force himself to get over much of his former life in order to be able to move on....or maybe it was a truth in what she had said, that they truly were different now. Maybe the accident, and what he had done over the past year had left him even further from himself than he had realized, or maybe it was what Sethia had suggested, and it was Jill somehow thrown into the mix that left him so confused.

[sethia]

Sethia watched Payton as he came back into the compartment; she looked at him but said nothing. He took a seat, but Sethia couldn’t do the same, at least not yet, she was too on edge. It was strange, she’d never felt this way in her life, it was so different and not a good sort of different. She walked the short distance to the wall and leaned against it, her eyes wandered over every corner of the compartment while settling on Payton in their travels. He looked at her and she could see it in his face, he didn’t like this situation just as much as she didn’t, and the fact that her reaction could cause him any discomfort or pain was something she couldn’t stand. She had never felt the way she did for Payton with anyone, and it hurt. Some welcome, some first meeting.

She looked at Payton, her face still, “Start over?” she said calmly before sliding across the wall and taking a seat. It was a good thing that he had been the first to speak because she really couldn’t be sure she could trust herself to continue the conversation. She looked at Payton, starting over may have seemed easy to him but it wasn’t for her. It was hard enough the first time to get passed her fears and let him in, but now there was the added benefit of his new found friend Jill, or whatever she was to him. “You want us to start over?” she asked calmly, her voice only cracking once.

She sat there the fantasy of what she thought this meeting would be like filling her mind as she tried to block out the reality of it. All she’d wanted to do for a year was just hold Payton and be together, now he was saying they had to start over. It was crushing statement, but what choice did she really have, to say no? True, she could have said so, but what would that have led to? She pretty much knew how this scenario was going to play out, so why not just hold on by her fingertips and let it whisk her away? She lived a year without him, and apparently she was now supposed to live another year with him there but still apart from him. She could have tried to hold to hope that things would work out, but Sethia had allowed herself to live in a fantasy when she thought she knew how things would be when they saw each other again, and she’d been wrong about that. Her life was no fairytale and it was about time she got used to that.

She gave him a small smile of acceptance, “Sure Payton. We can start over.” She looked at him and smiled a bigger smile, “Hello Payton, it’s been a long time. You look good.”

[payton]

Her voice cracked when she repeated his words, and he knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Part of him knew what she wanted, she wanted things to be how they were a year ago, when he remembered her bracelet in the Hospital Wing, and she was the only thing that mattered to him. Part of him wanted that too, but it seemed like a different like now, one that was no longer his. He waited for a moment as she sat down, finally agreeing to her suggestion before saying hello to him again. He wasn't sure if he was happy that she had agreed or if it hurt more. It seemed the only way out, the only way to stop things from spinning around out of his control, but at the same time, there was almost too much to simply start over from. He knew that she was only doing it for him, because he said that they should start over, and he knew she did it with reluctance. After a deep breath, which he seemed to be doing more of than he had for a long time he smiled at her, not the same easy going smile he normally managed, this time it was almost forced. "You look brilliant." He finally said, turning to face her squarely. "But then I didn't expect you to look anything less." He smiled at her again, this time a bit easier. Words came naturally to him, far more naturally than the concerned silence that had been plaguing them. He found himself pausing for another moment, searching Sethia for signs of emotions he could read and remember. "It has been a long time...too long." He paused again, finally leaning forward, giving into something that felt natural, and he let his arms wrap around her shoulders. "I missed you" he managed as he hugged her, realizing it was the first time he had in more than a year.

[sethia]

She continued to smile at Payton, determined to show no more emotion than that which he needed to see. She wasn’t going to hurt Payton by getting upset again; hurting him was the last thing on her mind. Her hands clasped in her lap casually, but she didn’t cross her legs as before and she didn’t pulled out the chocolate bar she’d been using as a crutch to prevent a conversation that had already gone underway. There was not going to be another upset word from her again, not in front of Payton Moore.

She smiled again, this time more relaxed and casual than before, “Thank you Payton, that’s very sweet of you to say,” she replied to his comment. Payton was brilliant at compliments and his latest one was by far the nicest she’d ever heard, which was, to say the least painful as it was pleasant. She smiled at him again. She showed no outward emotion, nothing to reveal her true feelings. “I never thought you’d look any other way either,” she added. “It has been a long time…too long,” she said with a small smile.

She watched Payton lean towards her and she took a deep breath as his arms wrapped her in a comforting embrace. She closed her eyes, her breath fighting to free itself from her lungs as she hugged him back. It was like coming home, being in his arms; and for the first time since they began this winding rollercoaster of emotion she was at peace. She fought the urge to squeeze him to her and never let go. “I missed you a lot,” she said evenly while holding back her true emotion. She’d missed him liking she did her mother and father, he’d become her family just as much as aunt Hetty, and she was glad to have him back again.

[payton]

He lingered there for a long moment, his arms wrapped around Sethia as if he was making up for lost time. As confusing as the whole situation was, it almost made more sense before he hugged her. Things still just felt distant then, like enough time had passed where it truly like another life, one he had been forced to leave behind a long time ago. His brain worked better under those conditions, before his emotions were involved. Now though, he was close, physically and emotionally, and his mind was starting to fog over. Feelings he thought had passed, reemerged and it was as if the clarity time had brought was no longer as easy to distinguish.

Finally he pulled back, letting on of his hands run down Sethia's arm and clasp gently around her hand as he gave her a soft genuine smile. He really was happy that she was here, even if he was hardly about to think straight because of it. "I wish it wasn't about to be summer...and that were were going out separate ways again. We lost so much time, so much of who and were we were. But your still coming to London right?" He knew that they had supposedly started over, and while it was almost harder, suddenly everything felt better. Maybe it was easier when he couldn't exactly see where things were heading. "Before school starts, I know it will be hard to leave the farm, but just for a few days? You should can see the new flat...well, once I'm fully moved in, which should be in July."

[sethia]

It felt good to be with Payton again, good to be in his arms and to have him close. A year was too long to be away from anyone you cared about, especially as much as she cared for and loved Payton. This was hard, so much harder than she’d thought it would be, yet even in its strangeness and confusion, she was still happy to be near him. It may have been easier for her to not be so close to Payton, to not be able to touch him, but she longed for it. She wanted to hold his hand and walk with him and talk with him for a year now, but it did leave her somewhat confused. Emotions were a funny thing, and at that moment, her emotions were running helter-skelter all around her and she couldn’t make heads from tails, except for this; she loved Payton when she left Hogwarts, and she loved him still now that she was back.

He pulled away and it took all her strength to let him go, but she did, and leaned back against her seat looking at him. His hand ran down her arm and then clasped around her hand. She looked at him, and for a moment it was like it had been a year ago, when things made sense and they hadn’t been apart. She smiled at him, “Me too. I thought I was going to have all summer to prepare to see you in fall, but now that I’ve seen you, it seems so strange to be leaving you again.” she was really getting tired for having to say farewell to Payton, she’d done it once and she really didn’t think she could do it again. There was something to be thankful for, she was going to see him again a lot sooner than a year.

“Who would ever have thought that the past year would have happened?” she asked. “That we would have had to change so much?” she smiled meekly at him. “But…we’re together again, and we can get to know each other again and catch up,” she said more brightly. She felt lighter, lie the heaviness from their early conversation had lifted somewhat. She blamed it on his hug, it was as if that little gesture had just taken away some of the fear that was inside her, at least for now. She had no idea what was going to happen, or what she really wanted from it, but she was willing to take the chance and see, and that meant coming to London. “I’ll still come,” she told him with a smile. “The farm’s fine, aunt Hetty is back to managing things now, and we’ve got help. She won’t need me there as much anymore. I’ll owl you and let you know when I’m coming so that you won’t be surprised,” she said with a small laugh. “You could owl me, even, and tell me when you’ve moved in.” This was easier, much easier to talk to him than it had been only minutes before.